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Telling vs Showing - Craig Cornish's Blog

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Telling vs Showing

Blog Posted:5/12/2023 12:14:00 PM

If you "tell" me something when you write a poem, I'm perhaps learning, but not feeling. A newspaper article that explains details of an event expose the facts but not the soul nor the catalyst to explore your own. Make a "Purple Haze" of your own invention so I can "Kiss the Sky"?! Save your telling poems for a Mother's Day card. (They do have a wonderful purpose)!

While tell consists of affirmations, show resides in showing the lyrical voice in action. When you tell something rather than show it, you just inform your reader, instead of permitting them to experience the essence of a stanza.

 

modified snippets from my fantasy Dreamlander (affiliate link).

Dreamlander NIEA Finalist

Dreamlander (affiliate link)

Telling:

Orias ran away from the soldiers. His horse jumped a fallen tree branch. He heard someone shout for him to stop, and he felt nervous. The soldiers halted and aimed their rifles at him.

Showing:

From behind came the pounding of hoofbeats. Tree branches whipped across Orias’s face and showered his saddle with leaves. He gritted his teeth, his face set in the snarl that had become his protection against an unjust world. They would not catch him. Must not catch him.

 He spurred his horse’s bloodied sides, and his fingers itched to reach for the broadsword sheathed on his back. His blood thundered in his veins, pulsing against the oyster white of his skin, sharpening his reflexes, narrowing his thoughts to razor intensity.

 His tired horse stumbled, and the hoofbeats behind drew nearer. Voices shouted: “Stop now! In the name of Mactalde, surrender!”

 He spat an oath and ducked another tree branch. Even the man’s name—dead though he was these twenty years—burned through the air like a curse.

Hoofbeats slowed and faded, surpassed by the rapid clatter of rifles rising to aim and the click of bolts locking into place. Orias’s blood congealed in his veins.

The difference, of course, is immediately discernible. The first example gives the reader the necessary facts, but the second brings those facts to life.

The Difference Between Showing and Telling

When you tell rather than show, you inform your reader of information rather than allowing him to deduce anything.

You’re supplying information by simply stating it. You might report that a character is “tall,” or “angry,” or “cold,” or “tired.”

That’s telling.

Showing paints a picture the reader can see in her mind’s eye.

Here’s how to show and not tell:

If your character is tall, your reader can deduce that because you mention others looking up when they talk with him.

Or he has to duck to get through a door. Or when posing for a photo, he has to bend his knees to keep his head in proximity with others.

Rather than telling that your character is angry, show it by describing his face flushing, his throat tightening, his voice rising, his slamming a fist on the table. When you show, you don’t have to tell.

Cold? Don’t tell me; show me. Your character pulls her collar up, tightens her scarf, shoves her hands deep into her pockets, turns her face away from the biting wind.

Tired? He can yawn, groan, stretch. His eyes can look puffy. His shoulders could slump. Another character might say, “Didn’t you sleep last night? You look shot.”

When you show rather than tell, you make the reader part of the experience. Rather than having everything simply imparted to him, he sees it in his mind and comes to the conclusions you want.

What could be better than engaging your reader—giving him an active role in the story experience?

Examples:

Telling: When they embraced, she could tell he had been smoking and was scared.

Showing: When she wrapped her arms around him, the sweet staleness of tobacco enveloped her, and he shivered.

Telling: The temperature fell and the ice reflected the sun.

Showing: Bill’s nose burned in the frigid air, and he squinted against the sun reflecting off the street.

Telling: Suzie was blind.

Showing: Suzie felt for the bench with a white cane.

Telling: It was late fall.

Showing: Leaves crunched beneath his feet.

Telling: She was a plumber and asked where the bathroom was.

Showing: She wore coveralls, carried a plunger and metal toolbox, and wrenches of various sizes hung from a leather belt. “Point me to the head,” she said.

Telling: I had a great conversation with Tim over dinner and loved hearing his stories.

Showing: I barely touched my food, riveted by Tim. “Let me tell you another story,” he said.

Please make it a point to study and internalize this, it is perhaps the most important lesson in creative writing. Personally, a poem that "Tells" me to perfection, that is perfectly rhymed/metered & formed, has no chance against a poem that shows me seductive & thoughtful emotion.



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Date: 5/22/2023 5:59:00 AM
Excellent, excellent, excellent! This is an area I am working on, trying to 'show' rather than 'tell'. It is what defines interesting poetry and keeps the reader engaged. Thank you for listing all the comprehensive examples! Paulette
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Date: 5/15/2023 1:28:00 PM
Hi Craig, This is a good blog. This is sound advice for beginners, writers that's been writing for a few years, and pros. Thanks for sharing it. Have a nice day-Alexis
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Date: 5/13/2023 4:15:00 PM
This reminds me of the saying, don't just 'tell me you love me, show me." I think both play a part. I believe I do both in my writing. Telling and showing, all at the same time. Such a wonderful Blog, Craig. Thank you for sharing. :) Brandy
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Cornish Avatar
Craig Cornish
Date: 5/13/2023 5:13:00 PM
Brandy - love your point, yes, it all plays a part like a song with a melody (that's the telling), yet the improvisation, the additions to the original lyrics, the hints and subtle surprises (those are the showing) and what turns the ordinary into something just a little more special...Like in jazz, we never want to totally lose contact with the melody (the telling) but we must as artists embellish the ordinary.
Date: 5/13/2023 8:18:00 AM
Craig, a great blog, interesting to see both perspectives.
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Date: 5/13/2023 8:12:00 AM
Craig, the time, effort, and research you put into this is very much appreciated.
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Date: 5/13/2023 5:19:00 AM
indeed, show rather than tell..good, sound advice :)
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Date: 5/13/2023 3:18:00 AM
Excellent... I know I fail sometimes, but this gives my mind something to chew on. Still hopeful :) . Love it. God bless you, Love, Gina
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Date: 5/13/2023 12:59:00 AM
Entwinement, conjoining head, heart and soul ~ thanks for sharing, Craig; great blog!
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Date: 5/12/2023 11:07:00 PM
Oh, I soooo agree with you, Craig. That is why we find many poetic devices not to be found in literature. Even when novelist attempt at including metaphor in their writing,, they offen miss the boat. Why be didactic in our poems, scribbling in pencil, when we have a wonderful box of crayons to colour in our world? An aside: The above examples are also true for writing fiction, especially flash fiction and shorter. For example: Craig was undecided as to what to do. He sat chewing an old pencil stub that he relies upon to write notes with. VERSUS: The trusty pencil stub bore the brunt of Craig’s indecision.
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Cornish Avatar
Craig Cornish
Date: 5/13/2023 9:31:00 AM
Exactly Suz - even in theater/movies/song, it's the improvisation and phrasing that sets apart shallow from meaningful.
Date: 5/12/2023 9:26:00 PM
A very illuminating blog, Craig! I enjoyed it immensely. Excellent advice for improving one’s creative writing. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
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Cornish Avatar
Craig Cornish
Date: 5/13/2023 9:25:00 AM
Same to you Susan
Date: 5/12/2023 8:44:00 PM
Thanks so much for sharing this. I am learning from you. God bless you.
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Cornish Avatar
Craig Cornish
Date: 5/13/2023 8:43:00 AM
And blessings to you Beata - the truth is that we learn things from each other. There are writers here, most of whom don't post here now that used to share many perspectives. Most join poetry sites because they have a drawer or journal full of old poems that they've jotted down over the years and want to share them and learn from kindred spirits. I've learned more from being on this site than I ever learned in a college classroom
Date: 5/12/2023 12:59:00 PM
Great blog!
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Rodrigues Avatar
Kim Rodrigues
Date: 5/12/2023 2:46:00 PM
I really appreciate that, Craig! That does encourage me.
Cornish Avatar
Craig Cornish
Date: 5/12/2023 1:39:00 PM
Kim, I've noticed, not that you need my approval, that you have been "Showing" (don't blush) so much more artfully of late!
Date: 5/12/2023 12:37:00 PM
Plenty of poems "tell" and are none the worse for being intellectual. It's just a different type, appealing to those who prefer it.
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