Humorous Poems

I'm not that worried about a simple "ah choo", as the stomach bug is a nastier brew..
There's also the noro virus, ooh..and something called c-diff out there too.
The weather's been cold and then suddenly fair, harvesting bacteria every where..
I'm not...Read More

DISCLAIMER: This is a tongue-in-cheek, sardonic critique 
of my own poetry from the perspective of a fictitious non poetry 
lover. This is not aimed at any of you wonderful Soup poets... 
please do not be offended! ~ John


Tell me who...Read More

Aged men often think that their vision
will survive them with utmost precision.
So they foist on the young
obsolete moral dung
which the young then subject of excision. ...Read More

IF I SAVED A PENNY A DAY 

If I saved a penny a day; tomorrow, I would have two
After 365 days I’d have enough to get the bus to you

£3.65 at that price; where on earth are you going too
Oh'...Read More

We all know that someday we will die.
When and how’s at the whim of a die.
But way deep in our heart
there's a minuscule part
that will mutter: “Who, moi?  No — not I!"...Read More

My neighbour’s addicted to Twitter
He’ll tweet when he’s doing a ‘sitter’
When he squats for a dump
He tweets more than Don Trump
No wonder his wife feels so bitter

The whole world knows what Fred is doing
He’s tweeting whilst weeing and poohing
Is nothing...Read More

When we find our convictions attacked,
we rely on a deck neatly stacked.
There’s a cool little bias
that will always supply us
with a handy alternative fact....Read More

If we knew in advance that all daughters and sons
keep us up every night: yours and mine — everyone’s
(teething, peeing and screaming,
yet so INNOCENT-seeming),
we’d be living in convents like well-rested nuns....Read More

It was obvious, his muse fell
His mind was a muddled mess
Killed or wounded, he couldn't tell
The emptiness caused him much stress

In the interim, he searches
For a topic that seems just right
An Epiphany that lurches
To light his dark poetic night!

Worn out...Read More

Is the Earth’s climate warming? No! No way!
But I wonder what happened one fine day,
when a stark naked horde
swam and splashed in a fjord
on a balmy New Year's Eve in Norway. ...Read More

I’ve been called an inequity spotter
(although some will just call me a “rotter”).
Names are biased for sons:
yours and mine — everyone’s.
I propose to make JohnSON — JohnDAUGHTER.
...Read More

I believe that the Sasquatch is valid.
He is huge though he eats only salad.
He’s so large, I admit,
that a limerick won’t fit
this big fella — I owe him a ballad....Read More

A boys’ consort is lovely and sings a capella.
It can charm any lady, bedevil a fella.
But when childhood ends,
and the larynx descends,
those same lads will produce what I’d term "a CRAPella."...Read More

In the past, people trusted the press.
For the press had a certain noblesse.
But today, I would say,
trust has withered away —
we are now very hard to imPRESS....Read More

Dame Judy Dench
Loves to fish for Tench
When she fixes her motor
She uses a wrench
If she’s feeling tired she sits down on a bench,
DJD is polylingual;
Her favourite language is French,
When she has a pooh in the morning
It causes a stench
DJD is...Read More

I love Paul Merton
I just wish he'd keep his shirt on....
Stop flexing his pecs
In front if Ant n Dec,
Even Vladimir Putin shows more respect
To the long suffering viewer; 
Paul:- climb out of the sewer,
Resist the urge to flash
Your naked rippling...Read More

          CATS AND CATS
At night all the  male cats
they are gray and the female cats
suited to them ...

     OVERPOPULATION
The earth has 7 billion
inhabitants and plus those
the...Read More

I have news that is sure to impress.
My new book will be… published —no less!
Let’s break out the champagne,
raise a toast to my brain…
No!  I checked.  It’s a vanity press....Read More

You passionately kiss my lips and then
undo the buttons on my blouse when -
our bedroom door bursts open, it’s the ‘mother in law’
living with my husband's parents I simply abhor!

Then and When Contest

Sponsored by Jenish Somadas 

1/13/20
...Read More

continues ....
(for it 'twas by him that she was awoken). 
'Dont listen to hate, or give in to fear, 
He said with a countenance kindly, 
remember your Vedas and mantras, 
Let your be life be lived for the many, 
and...Read More

I wish I was a Tory,
It would be another story,
So much simpler not to care
Or have to be aware
Of how other folks must strive
To make a crust to stay alive.
I could keep my privileged indifference
Surrounded by a picket fence
I wouldn't...Read More

I assume that my limerick obsession
has to do with aggression repression.
I compose and compose,
and I never repose.
This prevents my aggression’s expression....Read More

She was the bawdiest gal, they said.
Her eyes were green, her hair was red.
There were rumors of course
She rode nude on her pet horse
But we never knew her, for she was long dead.

You’re luckier for it, they told me.
She lived...Read More

A spider a day keeps the warthogs away
There is a secret to the way they must be eaten though
Don’t want to try it?
Too bad
Warthogs eat chickens.
...Read More

What do you see?                                    ...Read More

Read wonderful humorous poetry on the following sub-topics: adults, birthday, christmas, death, friends, friendship, graduation, kids, life, love, middle school, rhyme, school, silly, teachers and more. Read a definition and example (where appropriate).