Birthday Humorous Poems | Examples
These Birthday Humorous poems are examples of Humorous poems about Birthday. These are the best examples of Humorous Birthday poems written by international poets.
Andrew ordered a stripogram, Kay
To visit him on his birthday
When he opened the door
Sixteen copper’s he saw
They cuffed him, then took him away
After questioning for many hours
In the police car oh how he cowers
There’s one thing I’ll bet
He’s been covered in sweat
His birthday bash pizza night sours!
The Epstein files are in the press
Now Andrew’s life is such a mess
As his recent arrest
Surely made Andrew stressed
He’s guilty, but he won’t confess
I’m hoping royal succession can
Be removed from this vile man
I’m “Throne out,” he will moan
“The loo’s my only throne”
All royal titles flushed down the pan!
Jill and Bill went up the hill
for a little mid-day thrill.
Nine months to the day,
you pay if you play.
Jill had not been on the pill!!
“You’ll live,” my mother prompts;
above my screams, which pierced
the air with strident oomph;
she, bandaging my wounds.
It happened as I traipsed
the woods; I fell amongst
a pile of jagged rocks whilst
reaching for a gem, just glimpsed.
It was my birthday, eighth;
or maybe it was ninth,
and I had always dreamt
to find a gem so scarce.
“Now look, your pants are spoilt,”
she said, without much warmth.
I knew she wasn’t angry,
just a little anxious.
New pants, with money scarce
was for her a problem;
sewing machine - zigzag
soon, the hole was nothing!
Happy Birthday to me
Say bye to seventy-three
I’m seventy-four now
My ox to be gored
Running with terror onto the lawn,
they gathered outside my house,
along with me and the birthday “boy,” my spouse.
No more celebrating in the dining room would be going on.
All my guests said bye and left, for simply having seen a mouse!
.
it's
okay
you were born
smart
honeyee
"eyyeee
i
i think you're
dads' from
uncle billie's
dad's
mother's daughter
in law
we're okay
uh
huh"
a drop of fossilized tree resin
incasing a prehistoric ant
sold by auction on the internet
informed of this delightful offering, bidding gets outrageous
a drop of fossilized tree resin
known as amber
causing a huge stir in an auction
Tree Resin3 outbids SpiderMa
Six, eight, ten, twenty-seven times
Neither will relent
They are both determined to purchase this piece of amber
Tree Resin3 reluctantly gives up when it gets out of her price range
A month later she receives this pendant for her birthday
She would have given up much sooner
if she had known….
SpiderMa was her mother
Bacon and eggs each morning his treat
Chocolate and candy and all that's sweet
No helmet with pedal
No seat belt to meddle
Making eighty years old was no easy feat
*Image of Gender Gap by TLNT.
Parity Parody
I was just twenty, was young and healthy, and I said let's dance,
Turned to you Big Ben, said, first kiss say when, you said not a chance.
I was now thirty, I played a small bit, sort of a big hit,
They made me a clown, the small kids attacked, Pennywise from IT!
I planned at forty, thought to be sporty, got you a "Hottie"
Till out of the cake, in his birthday suit, grandson went potty.
I knew at fifty, what do I get for one with everything,
That's when you said a set of Bone China, two cats from Beijing.
I had turned sixty, said you're pretty, but I said something dumb,
Turned where glass is, eyes like molasses, I said you're wearing them!
2022 August 15
I turn 60! Oh My!
Keep between you and I.
I know you wish me well,
No good reason to tell.
To your face, plump and round,
I refuse to be bound.
By your digits, per se,
I feel badly betrayed.
You enhance my near sight,
My sleep and appetite.
You take toll on my weight,
On my waist and my gait.
No more PMS blues,
I paid hormonal dues.
Now collected and calm,
Exude middle age charm.
I am not sure I know
What to do with it though.
But one note of good cheer -
At the least I’m still here.
Give me a month or two
I’ll get inured to you.
And shall put down my pride
For the next decade ride.
May 8, 2022
Birthdays come
but never go...
the age remains
as candles less glow;
the cake retains
a waist will show...
(hopefully, there is equal
love to know) –
Though a life can be measured
by girth in inches; as a horse often measured
by hands and cinches –
and by trophies, above the mantel –
with a champion saddle, having a silver signed
cantle –
But the sum of man's darkness, Heaven's
record of all, will determine if a generation
to rise or fall
whether angels near us scatter or rally
for our God keeps, a righteous tally....
the greenland shark can be seen around greenland
and the brain begins to slow at 24
my brain fully developed in primary school
but my face has yet to do so
toxins in the air juxtaposed with the fermi paradox
rivers of mercury and winston churchill's parrot
i want to move to monaco
where all the mitochondria gyrates
the school don't ask me to host the christmas party
they ask the long-legged wood elf of a pe teacher
but i'm teaching romanticism
and still want to join the circus
His dad’s a lifelong Trekkie with a line he likes to say
Tod always hoped he’d get to use the line himself one day
On his birthday Lucy met him by the classroom door
She said I’m gonna give you what you’ve been asking me for
Tod said he’d like to boldly go where no man’s gone before
Then all the kids collapsed in laughter on the classroom floor
For my birthday my relatives got me a Mr. Control.
He is a small elf-like green robot.
What can you do for me? I ask him.
I can caution you and guilt you, he replies.
How much did they pay for you? I ask.
He says “That does not compute; I am practically free.”
An almost free service, for my sixty-ninth birthday.
They have spared no expense again.
“Wait!” he yells.
“I would not do that if I were you!”
“But you are not me,” I argue.
Jumping into the mud puddle with full weight.
I came up sputtering mud.
It was much deeper than I had imagined.
I cannot wait until he tries to guilt me.
I do not have to wait long.
Nine days and she is counting until
Her age will be nine times nine plus nine
She wears a size nine dress, she reminds
Tells me please do not make such a fuss
Nine times I tell her not to worry
Simply dress yourself up to the nines
And we will celebrate your birthday
With all nine times nine candles plus nine
Everything will surely work out fine!
Written May 10, 2021
for "A Time for Nine" Poetry Contest
sponsored by Michelle Faulkner