Gratitude for An Inner Life With Its Highs and Lows - Kathleen Kroll's Blog

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Gratitude for An Inner Life With Its Highs and Lows

Blog Posted:2/14/2017 11:52:00 AM

Dear Blog Readers,

I'm still on the west coast.  It's been amazing being here long term with family close enough to visit during the week and on weekends. The ocean inspires a peace inside me that I don't seem to receive elsewhere.  My lady, the ocean, has been tempremental.  For almost 10 days, she tossed and moaned and groaned.  Raindrops pounded her surface and the groundscape. Her waves slapped the shore with such force that she wore away the shoreline.  Yet her sufferings bore such blessings.   Rain drops glistened on the wooden bench perched on Fiscalini Ranch's cliff walk.  Unknown flowers popped their colorful heads out from verdant greenery.  Frog life chirped and rippled from stream beds, unseen, singing and whistling.  Rippett, rippett, rippett their songs echo in my ears.   

My lady's  emotions mirror my inner life here  I had a scare that I might have caused my daughter a painful reaction with meat that wasn't cooked thoroughly.  Her digestive system is so fragile.  I ruminated, worried, blamed. lost sleep.  I wore my Catholic girl's hair shirt so well.  At our arrival, she was happy, witty, exuberant.  She was healthier than I had seen her in years.  Then the demons seemed to overtake her body again.  Today we have reached some sort of stasis. She is still healthier than she has been the last couple of years.  But she tires quickly.  Still our personal relationship is more easy going and warmer.  Better health has erased a number of inner demons.  Pain is an underrated torturer.  It destroys motivation. Some of our uglier emotions like  anger and resentment, bubble to the surface and unleash themselves more easily.

There has been an unexpected personal reaction too.  I find that I am more open and sharing conversationallly.  It's never been easy for me to voice my inner thoughts and musings.  The other day, I found myself sharing stories of her and her siblings misadventures through adolescence in ways I hadn't before.  She's dealing with a preteen who exhibits all the normal backtalk and resistance to parental authority that we associate with this developmental stage.   I talked more openly about the pitfalls of being a single mom raising three kids.  I realized that my grands knew some things from their mom but not from me.  Isn't that too bad?

We had a lovely day yesterday visiting the Ronald Reagan Museum.  There was an amazing exhibit on the technology of the future.  My grandson is entranced by virtual reality.  There were exhibits on robotics and space travel and the possibility of  selfl-driving cars in 2020.  At dinner, I casually mentioned how disappointing it is to know that I will miss so many of the technological advances.  I just won't be around for them.  There was a stunned silence.  I realized that I seldom talk about death.  I reassured them that I wasn't meaning to be mauldin or inspire sympathy.  At that moment, I  was just facing the reality that life will go on without me.  Daily lives will change in unimaginable ways.  My grandchildren will have victories and challenges that I will not see.  Generations will come and go of which I am only one tiny drop in the ocean....

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Date: 2/14/2017 4:07:00 PM
Your blogs are so interesting and uplifting and give me something to dwell on in my own life Kathleen:-) hugs Jan xx
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Date: 2/14/2017 6:06:00 PM
:-) xx
Kroll Avatar
Kathleen Kroll
Date: 2/14/2017 4:49:00 PM
Those are !! Not ?? Have a wonderful Valentines Day!
Kroll Avatar
Kathleen Kroll
Date: 2/14/2017 4:48:00 PM
Thanks so much, Jan! Comments like yours help keep me motivated. Valentine hugs back to you?? Kathy

My Past Blog Posts

Are poems posted on Poetry Soup considered published?
Date Posted: 11/11/2017 10:04:00 AM
How do I turn on commenting on my poetry
Date Posted: 11/3/2017 4:28:00 PM
Question on entering a contest without a name identifier.
Date Posted: 5/25/2017 9:12:00 AM
How do you organize and save your poetry files online?
Date Posted: 5/15/2017 8:43:00 AM
How do I send private email to a member?
Date Posted: 5/5/2017 7:32:00 AM
Gratitude for My Inner Guide
Date Posted: 2/19/2017 11:07:00 AM
Gratitude for An Inner Life With Its Highs and Lows
Date Posted: 2/14/2017 11:52:00 AM
Gratitude for Movies and Books That Speak To Me
Date Posted: 1/31/2017 12:43:00 AM
Gratitude for the Yin and Yang of Life
Date Posted: 1/28/2017 10:49:00 PM
Gratitude for Being on the CA Coast
Date Posted: 1/24/2017 10:08:00 AM
Gratitude for Writing as an Emotional Release
Date Posted: 1/15/2017 11:19:00 AM
Gratitude for Courage to Listen to Our Inner Spirits
Date Posted: 1/6/2017 9:04:00 AM
Gratitude for the New Year
Date Posted: 1/1/2017 10:07:00 AM
Grateful for Lessons Learned as a Blended Family at Christmas
Date Posted: 12/31/2016 8:56:00 AM
Gratitude for Willingness to Try Again
Date Posted: 12/13/2016 9:05:00 AM
Gratitude for the quality of spontaneity
Date Posted: 12/9/2016 10:06:00 AM
Gratitude for the mentors/role models in our lives..
Date Posted: 12/2/2016 8:07:00 AM
Gratitude for the routineness of our lives
Date Posted: 11/27/2016 10:30:00 AM
Gratitude for the Soup Community
Date Posted: 11/25/2016 10:54:00 AM
Gratitude for realization that we have very little control
Date Posted: 11/23/2016 8:10:00 PM
Gratitude for man's ability to imagine good
Date Posted: 11/22/2016 9:37:00 PM
Gratitude for family memories, quiet and good health
Date Posted: 11/21/2016 8:58:00 PM
Gratitude for being accepted as I am..
Date Posted: 11/17/2016 7:44:00 PM
gratitude for generations
Date Posted: 11/12/2016 9:49:00 PM
Gratitude for community
Date Posted: 11/11/2016 10:30:00 AM

My Recent Poems

Date PostedPoemTitleFormCategories
2/17/2018 My Heart is Full Free versebeauty,nature,spiritual,
11/28/2017 Watching Raindrops Drop Free verseautumn,
11/8/2017 Las Vegas Free versedeath,hate,
8/24/2017 The Wonder of Birth in Parallel Universes Free versebirth,change,life,
6/18/2017 Pain and Rain Free versebaptism,forgiveness,pain,
5/29/2017 The Inner Workings of a Clock Free verseanxiety,confusion,courage
2/9/2017 Endless Time, Endless Beauty Free versebeautiful,muse,spiritual,
1/17/2017 Morning is Elastic - Version 2 Free versegrowth,imagination,inspir
1/14/2017 Ferocious Time Free versechange,nature,time,
1/8/2017 The Push Me Pull You Game Free versebody,humor,new year,
11/28/2016 Morning is Elastic Free versecreation,introspection,pe
11/11/2016 Peace Slips Lightly Free verseautumn,beauty,change,peac
9/9/2016 Heel Toe - Heel Toe Free verseadventure,happy,home,spir
8/13/2016 I Call My Ten Year Old Free verseanxiety,pain,recovery fro
7/29/2016 Girlfriends Passage Free verseadventure,friendship,girl
5/21/2016 A Litany of Thanksgiving Free versebereavement,brother,death
4/27/2016 Romantic Love Free versepassion,perspective,,roma
4/27/2016 Words Free versehumorous,irony,words,
4/27/2016 Unearthing the Heart's Emotions Free verseemotions,heart,how i feel
4/27/2016 The Tornado Free verselove,passion,
4/27/2016 The Sun Free verselove,
4/27/2016 The Lowly Turnip Limerickjudgement,silly,
4/27/2016 Solitude Free versesilence,solitude,song,
4/21/2016 Ponds Edge Free versecreation,emotions,love,na
4/16/2016 Picture Perfect Family Free verseeaster,family,identity,tr
4/9/2016 Shadow and Light Free versefaith,nature,universe,
4/9/2016 One Perfect Moment Free verseallusion,appreciation,cel
4/9/2016 Innocents Free versebereavement,conflict,evil
3/19/2016 Meditation on Light Free versebeauty,body,dance,death,s
3/16/2016 Darkening Skies Free verseanalogy,appreciation,fait
3/11/2016 Weevils of The Mind Free verseanxiety,birth,conflict,co
3/9/2016 Healing Hands Free versecourage,daughter,inspirat
3/9/2016 On the Playground Free verseemotions,fun,imagery,memo
3/9/2016 Ode to My Middle Child Free verseanxiety,birthday,blessing
3/9/2016 Cloth Free verseage,destiny,growing up,gr
3/4/2016 Coolness Free versebeauty,body,cool,emotions
3/4/2016 This Is What The Day Is For Free verseblessing,celebration,intr
3/4/2016 Big Sister, Little Brother Free versebereavement,eulogy,family
3/1/2016 Flying the California Coast Free verseadventure,america,appreci

My Photos

Fav Poems

Breathe in the silence-w Kyrielleme,
Things That Seemed Poetic Free verseangst,childhood,death,dep
The Whispering Moon Free versedream,fantasy,peace,silen
sequence-TO THE MORROW Lanternehope
Eternal Life And The Total Self Quatraindeath,life,
Growing a Glowing Eternity Rhymebirth,death,faith,god,hea
Listen To The Trees Rhymeadventure,allegory,allusi
Last Breath Sonnetcelebration,death,life,
You Know You're In The Zone When: Free versepoetry,writing,
Joining the Pieces Free versehumanity,identity,imagery
when the words dissolve upon our tongues Free versewords,
The Wall Verseage,
The View From A Window Rhymelife,
One Brief Moment Rhymeimagery,nostalgia,
Meaning Of Life Fibonaccilife,
Stone-wall Dreaming Rhymeemotions,nostalgia,
The Weathered Years Sonnetlife,
''death of a friend'' Free versedeath,death of a friend,

Fav Poets

Jack Ellison Canada Flag Canada Read
Emma Sophie United States Flag United States Read
JAN ALLISON Isle Of Man Flag Isle Of Man Read
Adriana Thompson United States Flag United States Read
Poet Destroyer A United States Flag United States Read
Duke Beaufort United States Flag United States Read
Pashang Salehi United States Flag United States Read
Daniel Turner United States Flag United States Read
Pam Deremer United States Flag United States Read
Sneha RV The Literature Lover India Flag India Read
Amy Megquier United States Flag United States Read
catherine labeau United States Flag United States Read
Aimee Rodriguez United States Flag United States Read
Teppo Gren Finland Flag Finland Read
Andrea Dietrich United States Flag United States Read
Becca Teagan United States Flag United States Read
David Lindsay United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Connie Marcum Wong United States Flag United States Read
Kai Michael Neumann South Africa Flag South Africa Read
Danielle White United States Flag United States Read
john fleming United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Tim Ryerson United States Flag United States Read