A Father's Struggle Part VI - DAVID GRASBY's Blog

Have you ever heard your child say to you at 7 I don't belong in this world? This has happened to me. My son who makes us smile and laugh claims he doesn't belong in this world.  He is 7 years old and so hard on himself.  He wants to be good at everything. At 5 he could name dinosaurs and tell the difference between a meat eater and a plant eater. He was enlisted in a private kindergarten. He started out slow then began to expand. He was starting to read. He was awesome at math. He was struggling with the alphabet and sounds of letters. He still fights that today in first grade. He still can't read on his own.  We try to help him the best we can but he is not getting it. We had a vision exam done on him he needed glasses when reading. We got him a pair.  Still, he struggles. We can't afford private school. He attends a school that has a vase collections of poor and different culture students. This school seems to believe he needs to know how to do all. His math scores are great. His classroom behavior is great. His reading is awful. I am at a loss for words. We are moving into a rented house in a couple weeks. He will be attending a new school. I am afraid because this is a different type of school his struggle will get worse.  The neighborhood is not as desirable as one might think but 900 versus 1300 just makes sense. The house is a family members. I struggle with this phrase every day. What could make my son say such a thing? I wonder if bullying has a lot to do with how he feels. When I was young I was bullied. I wonder if my lack of self-confidence has rubbed off on him. I contemplated suicide at one time had the belt around my neck and everything. I found poetry must of my high school poems were dark and haunting. I felt depressed. I felt anger. I felt remorse. Until this day I will not talk to anyone from my high school class. My son is so happy at home but in the public school system, it changes. I worry about his development. We have a baby sister coming too and that change is hard for him as well. I know he will be a great big brother. I am concerned and I am sure I am not the only one who has gone through this.  Trying to teach your child what was not taught to you.  That negativity always has a positive. I have an open relationship with my child. I feel as though he needs to talk to me.  My parents seem to never care about what I said. I was the oldest so I can understand why now. They were so busy with my sis and bro. I just need to figure out the best way to show Davion he is important too and not forget that but sometimes it could be tough.