All for Myself

As i stand before the cross of change
I can't help to think about all i have gone thru
To get to this point in my life
Where everything I thought I knew was truth
But as I think back to a scarred childhood
I wonder would this point in my life right now be different
Would I be force not to make one change but several 
Would my self esteem be higher
Would my fears be numbered
Would my life make much sense
As I share these thoughts with you all
I wonder what you may think of me
Because the reflection tells no lies
My twists and turns have been far and few
The direction has always been  the same
Straight into the insercuties of acceptance 
This life I lead now is unfiltered 
I hide no pain or hurt anymore
I let you all see into what I believe is my soul
But my heart is afraid to lead
I am still skeptical if my talent is real
If love will ever find me again
I ponder this anger this regret
I stalk it and chase it
Like I am the victim 
Like I am the child
But in essence  this has always been my failure
The possibility that anything good could come from me
The belief in myself absent for decades
These words flow but do i really understand them
Is this a gift or a curse
To me the answer is difficult
To you It is easy
I just hope someday I see it all for myself.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2023


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