All for Myself

As i stand before the cross of change I can't help to think about all i have gone thru To get to this point in my life Where everything I thought I knew was truth But as I think back to a scarred childhood I wonder would this point in my life right now be different Would I be force not to make one change but several Would my self esteem be higher Would my fears be numbered Would my life make much sense As I share these thoughts with you all I wonder what you may think of me Because the reflection tells no lies My twists and turns have been far and few The direction has always been the same Straight into the insercuties of acceptance This life I lead now is unfiltered I hide no pain or hurt anymore I let you all see into what I believe is my soul But my heart is afraid to lead I am still skeptical if my talent is real If love will ever find me again I ponder this anger this regret I stalk it and chase it Like I am the victim Like I am the child But in essence this has always been my failure The possibility that anything good could come from me The belief in myself absent for decades These words flow but do i really understand them Is this a gift or a curse To me the answer is difficult To you It is easy I just hope someday I see it all for myself.