Realm of Happiness

I look for a definition to a meaning for my pain My lack of self worth and self esteem I have traveled these brutal seas of fake change The direction worked then but my compass of thought was way of course The streams they seem all the same Lack of trust lack of happiness The essence of me not so pleasant I look in an unforgiving mirror each day struggling to exist Its like am i caught in this current of relapse each day Questioning everything i am and want to be I ponder past decisions past explorations Discovering only the same wasteland of emotion I try to speak i try to make sense to me and everyone around It appears strange and compromised The words i want to say come out better sometimes on these pages of time i write upon Its seems i am conflicted with in my own being I wish to be better in all i take on but it turns more into chaos than anything else How does a man better himself if he believes he could never be excepted in his own eyes to exist in any realm of happiness.