Scared of Living

Echos in time Keep calling my name Talks back with such negativity Bad memories play over and over Good memories on pause Or even forgotten I can't remember back to a time I was happy inside It doesn't even cross my mind It's like I've lost that flame that burn so brightly before i turned 15 and moved on to now It's all a blur It's all a race for an end There wasn't even a starting line I just dropped out of sight of me It's mind boggling to realize how much life I have wasted I am sure I smiled I am sure I have laughed But I have never found true joy It's crazy It's not even normal To focus on so much bad And not see all this good Blinded by insecurities Reminiscing on regrets I don't have any time left to look for the beauty in everyday things Just to awake is a blessing It's complicating to me But yet should be so simple To carry on each day like it may be my last Why can I not recognize this I am way to damn old to be this damn scared of living.