A Father's Struggle Continued: - David Grasby's Blog

Let's pick up at the ICU. I walked in to see my wife completely out of it. She had so many tubes and machines hooked up to her.  I felt like she was on her death bed.  I started pondering what if's and missed opportunities. I said to myself what if she doesn't make it. How will I take care of this baby alone?  I had some many thoughts running through my head. As I sit there and watched my wife lying there. I felt helpless. I felt resentment. I literally was hating God in that moment.  We fought so long to have a child. Our first was a miscarriage. As the machines beeped. I spent every waking hour there. I even slept on the ICU floor.  I only went up to see my son a couple times in the days following her collapse. They ran so many tests. The doctors seemed stomped. They decided to do an ECHO on her. There is where they found a fifty percent blockage unheard of for a female as young as my wife. They scheduled her for a stent inceration. They had to wait to take 7 liters of fluid of her body. As the fluid was coming off she was slowly getting better but they still had to do the surgery. I was concerned for that as well.  To watch someone you love with everything you are going through something as insane as this. I was left speechless.  I questioned everything.  What would I do? I had no family here. I moved from upstate NY to Salt Lake City UT. Her family was in California.  There were so many tears. So much uncertainty. To be growing through this all alone. I have to say it made me a stronger person but I still felt so weak. They scheduled the surgery a couple days after.  She came out ok but her heart was only working at 33 percent. In the days following she got stronger and stronger when her heart was at 60 percent they let her go home. They didn't release the baby till then either. As she was getting better I spent more time with my son.  He had so much hair at birth they actually spiked his hair it was the cutest thing in the world.

As I spent more time with my son I learned some very important things about myself and my love for my family.