A feeling came back yesterday; It was triggered by a dream. It took me back to how I felt when I was just thirteen...
A claustrophobic darkness, - no air inside the room. Now two days have passed; I know it wont last, but this demons a tough one to move.
The first time it came unexpected - a bereavement invited it in. I couldnt explain how It felt to anyone, so decided to keep it all in.
I drowned it with cans of pure butane; Ignorning the words on the back; They said solvent abuse can kill instantly; But me, I had no cares for that.
I hushed it with crime, risk and passion; And shiny things, silver and gold. I choked it with weed; Grew all kinds of seeds, and met people I should have not known.
I have now lived a life of extremes, and probably know more than I should. I see there's a battle between right and wrong, and i've been called onto the side of good.
I know what iv'e learned can help others. I heard it, and answered the call. I now know the name of this 'feeling' my friend... It is called - 'A Dark Night Of The Soul.'
(It will pass)
let fire eat your flaming tears
as your world stumbles and falls
landing on your glass shoulders
I want you to know—never
ever—wrap yourself in shame
step out in your wilderness
squint-eyed and confused, I can
umbrella your tears to rain
if you, so choose.
I have helped myself enough through years,
Now I am here to help you heal your fears.
I have helped myself enough while in tears,
Now I am here to help you, unlike old peers.
I helped myself even when I felt unworthy,
Now I am here to help you see yourself truly.
I helped myself to many through being flirty,
Now I am here to help us feel love fully.
I am still learning how to help myself heal,
While I slowly learn how it is I make you feel.
I am still learning how to be to your appeal,
While I am waiting for your approval seal.
I learned how to care for you before meeting,
Because I know we shared lives so fleeting.
I learned why they are so misunderstanding,
Through our mutual high level of thinking.
Let the air do most of the talking,
we're not immune to its influence,
solemn hints that motivate within,
one trace after another, suspense,
breathing carries all of the action,
savory challenges, faces grants,
singles all tranquil, partners taken,
levels intact and relics semblance,
chamber's not free of aspiration,
drastic fronts to fables' existence,
dancing heads up participating,
last call stirring a floor, final dance,
no breathing room, slow exhibition,
lights and no glitter, retired pants,
"You ladies all smell like my girlfriend."
"Oh, that's that lingering redolence.
"The bottle's in the girls' room, sitting."
"I work here, it can't be, that's nonsense."
"It's mines, felt it's at home, forgotten."
"Seems I'm everywhere, robust presence."
We dream we can share our darkest secrets without judgement or retribution but realize we can only share them safely with others through our poetry.
Tonight, I will dream of you.
I dream we share our secrets
Indiscretions and hurtful pasts,
Told as gilded sagas
By immoral sociopaths.
I share to you with confidence
One of my poignant dreams.
A tale of stirring fantasy,
Images not as they seem.
Cold snakes coiled on soiled paths
They spring in naked truth
Biting hard at every turn
Retelling their violent youth.
Poised to prove their stranglehold
On phantom victims’ crimes.
It’s here we hide the willing sin
We’ve accepted many times.
As dreams become reality
Our thoughts embrace their role.
We resist the curse of others
Playing mind games in our soul.
Here I hunt for solitude,
And here I find my soul.
I search my heart within myself
To learn what I have always known.
I missed the target; So I took another arrow, pulled back the bow with all my strength, and aimed it at the centre. Thoughts of vengance blew it off course; I missed the target; So I took another arrow, pulled back the bow with all my strength, and aimed it at the centre. It would have struck true, if not for addiction. I missed the target; Feeling unworthy but determined, I took another arrow, pulled back the bow with all my strength, and aimed it at the centre. This time I hit the target; By counting the arrows which lie on the ground, and the ones that hit the target, I saw my true level of progress; I was still a novice.
Please don't send me home
It's scarier out there
The world is just too loud
It's too much for me to bear
Please don't send me back
Where everyone is mad
Where no-one understands
And tells me that I'm bad
Please don't make me go
Where I am all alone
I'm begging for you all
Please don't send me home
I promise I'll be good
If you let me stay
I'll fall in line and smile
Every single day
Please don't send me home
I think I'd rather fry
I don't think I'll survive
Don't send me there to die.
From my Hillview home beside the Ruby Gate,
I watched the blood moon rise,
its red fire spilling across the Bay of Bengal.
The sea turned into a vast mirror of flame,
the mountains stood hushed,
their green shoulders brushed by crimson light.
Karnaphuli flowed like a molten ribbon,
carrying whispers of old songs to the shore.
Not alone on the hill,
I felt the city breathing beneath me,
yet only the moon kept me company.
Its scarlet face leaned close,
as if the heavens bent toward Chittagong.
In that hour,
I was both witness and keeper of the glow.
And with my brother Shimul by my side,
We sealed the night in memory, unforgettable and wide
There are things in this life
Weighing me down it's true
There's anxiety and depression
Are some hell l go through
The part of life called living
This is the burden I bare
It would be different for me
Maybe if anyone would care
People who are close to me
Have left me to be alone
They don't like what they hear
My actions they don't condone
I've been pleading out for help
And there's no one that's near
The time is now for this to end
Death i will no longer fear
Time cures most everything
And helps to heal the breaks,
But shortages of resources
Tense and test the zeal,
Creating less of what time makes
And more for it to heal.
Hats off to Robin Hood
for the poor always doing good
Maid Marian all but stole his heart
which did upset the apple cart
shed fur from a silver unicorn is imperative for my potion
must be from an older seasoned unicorn, a world traveler
without this, the elixir will not give clairaudience to the drinker.
I also beg you to help me locate a seed from a baby boo pumpkin
I know it will not be easy, but easy does not enter into this equation
the drinker needs autumn emotions provided by this baby boo seed
so he can anticipate and appreciate winter
Dissolve again.
Into some puddle of oil.
Sink, and sunken.
Then turn into an oil painting.
Dissolve again.
Like a penny.
I don’t think pennies ever dissolve.
They just get dropped into the sewer sometimes.
And no one looks for them.
They turn into monsters.
Dissolve again.
Like gray.
Gray just-
Crunches underfoot.
Stabs my feet.
Until I get rid of all of it.
Chisel it away.
Day and night.
If you’re wondering why I never get help.
It might be because I can make my problems seem miniscule.
And I can take their uniqueness away.
So that all my problems seem ordinary.
Like bones in a barrel.
Or maybe not like that…
Unless I close up the lid.
And toss it out to sea.
Dissolve again.
Yes they will.
The morning woods were crackling with unknown sounds.
Then I heard a rustling sound in the leaves.
The sound of footsteps was getting louder,
It wasn’t a something, it was someone.
Suddenly a large man fell to the ground.
His leg was bleeding; all he said was “trap”.
Cool water from my canteen brought him back.
A small trap, it hadn’t broken the bone.
I stopped the bleeding, cleaned, and wrapped the wound,
then slowly moved him over by the fire.
I ask him, “do you feel like eating yet?”
“Yes, but more water first”, he muttered.
The food and water gave him energy,
Now it was time to ask what had happened.
“I was hiking and blazing a new trail.
I pitched my backpack at a bear and ran.
I got away while he explored my pack.
That’s when I got lost a few days ago.
I was getting weak from hunger and thirst,
when I stepped into the trap and passed out.
I managed to pry the trap open with sticks,
Then wandered in the night ‘till you found me.
It’s a miracle, I was guided here.
I wandered lost and hurt, but now I’m found.
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