“Are you okay?”
No. My best friend of 13 weeks has refused to talk to me, refused to look at me, refused to watch me dance, refused to have any human contact with me and she’s interacting with everyone around her even a person she hates and she’s so much better at dancing now than she was when we were like twist ties and her mom read our texts about suicide and self harm and writing poetry and now her phone is gone for what has now been two weeks and she’s told other people about it except me and I’m scared for my life about what I’ve done and how I’m going to solve it and I hope she’s doing okay even though I’m not because I cant even watch her dance without shedding a single tear and I guess she’s better off without me because she’s improved a lot more than she ever would’ve when we were best friends and I’m now realizing no one knowing her feelings and her thoughts and plans of suicide was good for her because now she can’t talk to the one who knew everything and I’m now seeing that I’m the soil to every problem imaginable.
“Yeah, just stressed about my math grade.”
“It’s okay, it’s just a grade. Grades don’t define you.”
but she does.
A gradually setting sun,
In denial for night to fall,
A frightening eternity, despite the attempting stars.
Returning presence of despair,
concludes absence of the light.
Ominous signals from the receptor of a pseudo reality
That there’s no more collagen left to repair
To hold your heart back together;
to deem you warm
For those whom the sun will rise for,
for those who see the stars
Hate them.
The stars are dead anyway
Your biggest star appears to be, too
Some find comfort in the cool wind
But you know,
you’ll forever be in this blizzard
The cracks of a voice spill as your head rests on my shoulder
As I face forward,
and your eyes, behind me.
Our arms wrapped one another,
you dig for the warmth
although it is already surrounding you
But you’re in the glaciers, now
The receptor proves to remain on cooldown
For I, am an attempting star.
Tears
Drip pain
A long time
Then suddenly
They stop in a daze
Then bring about cleansing
In time your strength is renewed
It happens when you are willing
To feel the truth of what is inside
Courage to release, not deny or hide
Heidi Sands
9/30/26
(C)opyright
The heart ungifted,
weeps mornings, after mourning,
the veil unlifted.
I'm laying here tonight
In the bed we used to share
Looking at your side hurts
Without you it's so bare
I pull your pillow close to me
But you scent is gone too
As tears roll down my face
My heart breaks again missing you
It hurts a little extra knowing
You leaving is because of me
This burden I'll carry forever
I deserve all this misery
I don't deserve happiness
That fact should be known
I deserve this life of regret
That I'll forever spend alone
No matter how many tears I cry
They'll never be enough
'Cause the days without you were splendidly tough.
It hurts my heart to the core
I can't wear that surface smile anymore
'Cause my wounds are still sore.
Till this day I admire you
-Like a ship to its crew.
Killing with kindness from a dark place
Improvising love forcing a smile on face
Needling white words meant to assure
Greetings heard but not felt not pure
Onyx heart that never skips a beat
From missing spark of love not tenderly
Tears hide behind white winged words
Even narcissist fake kind to be heard
Raping spirits of the blue beautiful ones
Raging you fear it the love of gold sun
Only yesterday gives you any jaded joy
Remembering the good filling a void
Salty as kiss of abyss meant to destroy
There's a storm in my heart
It has tattooed scars on my soul
I have seen the ugly face of a wound
It reeked bitterness
And in the cold dark pain
I felt something die inside me
Now I carry the carcass of dream
My hopes have deserted me
To crown me king of sorrow
My kingdom is brokenness
Pieces of me lie shattered and bruised
I have no song and no dance
I have become a forlorn statue
Time scorns at my disappointments
There is a part of me that no longer cries
It is buried deep inside gloom
I have become stone and desert
And when the arid winds blow
I cringe like a wounded animal
And howl in pain
Biting cold night
Tears on a rose
Her petals turn gray
Death sucks her life away
She stands alone in feeling
No one knows her secret cries
She has shed away her hopes
Her beautiful soul holds memories
Of times sunshine kissed her face
Now darkness swamps her world
On the grave where they have laid her to rest
We learnt not to cry
keep hearts guarded under sleeves
eyes learn not to spill
for solace comes at a cost
when feelings are best unsaid.
Body knows the truth
eyes brim before we know why
throat clenches; words choke
we blink hard and turn away
buying time to face ourselves.
Tears can blur the truth
joy and grief can look alike
eyes speak without words
strangers may misread their cause
even we may not know why.
Tears swell against walls
the guarded well spills over
there's no calling back
buried cracks burst wide open
bringing the whole dam wall down.
The years taught restraint
stand firm and hold back the flood
with courage and will
hiding where the cracks may lie
release is revelation.
wear this tiara of tears, weep veiled stars
O wedded Hina of heart ~
falling in l o v e
again …
contest : the numbers game
sponsor : Nette Onclaud
date when my quill cradled this kimo; 6.09.26
not enough to soak my dark night’s pillows
with volume of regret’s salt
pledge is flooding my bed
Cup runneth over; chalice of sorrow
Drowning in each sip I take,
Fighting for one last breath.
* 'The Numbers Game' Poetry Contest
* Sponsored by: Nette Onclaud
* Submitted/Written on: 9/5/2026
A string of pearls gleams in her aster eyes
she tries to veil grief away
but truth will ever stay.
– no rain falls from a melancholic sky –
beneath the willow’s tresses
in vain the widow grieves
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Numbers Game Poetry Contest Sponsored by Nette Onclaud
05/09/2026
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