WHAT HAPPENS TO DIRTY HUMANS ASC THE ALIENIST-
"What happens to the dirty humans, asj the alienist!
Blurring waters frum their cymmetry chest parts!
Shawlowed accumulation of gasS in the ear canal,
Enflated pretentious flatulence spouts out the ears!"
Much like helium sprewing out tween the toes hand:
Running along june faced
How can it be so pourish,
Down reign rains from the mockery tree.
Back stabber, back biters
Bleeding guns, khances kome forth
Enflated pretentious flatulence spouts out the ears
Shawlowed accumulation of gas in the ear canal
Blurring waters frum their cymmetry chest parts!
"What happens to the dirty humans, asc the alienist”!
2/29/24
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2024©
Smithsonian Folkways Catalogue #709-300-25.
RASTA WEDDING VOWS
Gunna pledge mi soul an body in di spirit uh di trut.
Gunna stan an mek a promise an delivah u da proof.
Mi seh nevah gunna evah turn u loose.
Gunna free u frum di darkniss for to bade u wid a lite.
Usin’ bot mi han tugedda – gunna really do it rite.
Hunny, I’ll lay down mi cloak for u tonite.
Gunna swear mi life’s protection wen I giv mi solemn wurd.
Gunna mean da ting I’m sayin’ wen I set ur hart assured.
Den I kiss ur han an offa u mi sword.
Gunna luv u lek u need it. Gunna luv u lek a tease.
I be holdin’ back mi horses, till u beg me, “pretty please,”
Makin’ all dem sweet mimosa guarantees.
Gunna dally in di tropics. Run mi finger tru ur hair.
Gunna play wid dem intentions in di salty ocean air
As we live di island lifestyle laissez faire.
Cookie, fire-up yer chuck wagon 'cause th' round-up is begun!
Us cowpokes is gonna cull th' herd frum dawn to th' settin' sun!
We is gonna supply you wid th' cookin's fer our chuck tonight;
Heaps uv good ol' Rocky Mountain oysters broiled fer our delight!
It'll be a hot an' dusty trail as we drive 'em frum th' chaparral,
An' herd them cantankerous kine fer brandin' in th' ol' corral!
It'll take a heap uv sweat an' a lot uv cussin' to git 'em movin', alright,
But it'll be worth it, 'cause we is feedin' on Rocky Mountain oysters tonight!
Usin' our cuttin' hosses we'll rope an' wrestle th' bulls to th' ground.
There we'll brand an' neuter 'em as they beller an' kick around!
We'll be bruised an' kicked fer little pay but that'll be alright,
'Cause we is gonna enjoy a feast uv Rocky Mountain oysters tonight!
Us cowboys works hard wid little pay rollin' 'round in th' manure,
Convertin' bulls into steers; that's more'n them city fellers could endure!
But that's okay, 'cause at round-up time we gits a special treat;
Tonight we is gonna enjoy a feast uv Rocky Mountain oysters to eat!
I met two aliens once. They were poets
like me, I mean, a poet and a poetess.
Their language sounded like music, though its
gender distinction wasn't hard to notice.
She’s from the Venus, he is from the Mars.
They speak different languages like us.
***
Below is a translation of the poem "Aliens" into Venusian (a vowel is replaced by the next vowel in alphabetical order):
O mit twu eloins unci. Thia wiri puits
loki mi, O mien, e puit end e puitiss.
Thior lengyegi suyndid loki mysoc, thuygh ots
gindir dostonctoun wesn't herd tu nutoci.
Shi's frum thi Vinys, hi os frum thi Mers.
Thia spiek doffirint lengyegis loki ys.
Below is a translation of the poem "Aliens" into Martian, (a consonant is replaced by the next consonant in alphabetical order):
I nev vxo amiept opde. Vjey xese qoevt
mile ne, I neap, a qoev apf a qoevett.
Vjeis maphuahe toupfef mile nutid, vjouhj ivt
hepfes fitvipdviop xatp'v jasf vo povide.
Tje't gson vje Weput, je it gson vje Nast.
Vjey tqeal figgesepv maphuahet mile ut.
Fee Fie Foh Fum
Free Fry 'Fro Frum
Flee Fly Flow Flum
Dee Die Doe Dumb
Me My Moe Mum
Knee Nigh No Numb
Bee Bye Bo Bum
We Why Woe Wum
Tea Tie Toe Tum
See Sigh So Sum
Hee High Ho-Hum
Pea Pie Poe Poem
Ta-Da!
Mango sirene is living in a material wirld . But is she a material girl ?
Mango sirene needs a job ! I doent noe if she can cook, but she,s not a slob.
Her frends moovd 2 California . Because thay wanted 2 git faymus .
I bet she likes cookies frum that cookie gie aymus .
Sum boddy should hyir her tu play batgirl on thuh super girl show .
Yvon Craig is dead , so hooz gonna noe ? She,s a pritty thing , she got sum wun 2 make her a cowl ! Win she goes 2 comics conventions ,her doggy must howl!
But why du so Minny girls in Michigan git top Sirjirry .
And is thair in thair shirts that makes it nessasary ?
Richard Schaefer is the Disney princess man , if he married Courtney courtoon ,
Thay could breed a master race of Disney princess children .
And if he put sperm in a sperm bank ,all the desperate girls on earth could buy
Sum and try 2 have sum Disney princess children. And what a wonderful world it could be ! If Annette and guy Williams had put genetic material into a breeding bank, there could be a dozen Annette's and zorro,s by now !
What could u say but wow ! Another good looking Disney kid was on star gate Atlantis . And there's Blair frum facts of life ! Thousands of boys want her as a wife ! In a sirtin lost in space episode will Robinson fell into that android making machine. And it kept making more and more until it exploded ! An exploeshun of beauty is better than an exploeshun ugly , anytime !...
Thuh humans on earth constantly hassul each other.
Aliens are on earth , with cures 4 every deezees .
Thair is no Lojjick in prostitution being illegal .
Except 4 peepul 2 hassul each other .
On luner , bluelakesitty is moestley under ground.
And thuh luner call girls moestley dress like Lolitas .
Sum are huemins, sum are syborgs,
Sum are aliens , sum are clones,
Helium is Sint 2 minny places frum luner.
2 Ceres & vaygiss & Ganymede &
2 foeboes & tytin & trytin & Titania & mirandah & even earth !
Sum peepul fear that things bilt frum mars metals mite fall apart !
Wubadee
woopadoo
said the old one waving a wuzu stick
Sacred cori-frum to you this day of fru
blessings to you, said I,
oh great marnix
But marnix was not listening
he headed towards the rainy temple,
with the top of his head polished,
somewhat glistening!
Oh joy, oh joy
I stomped my foot in gleeful elation
(But that's really incidental
in no way embellishes this retelling
nor helps in its summation)
Today is the day of the perpetual fru
when all young frux dance till three
A day of fearless unbridled celebration
A day of gloop-pie, games and glee
Ohh great klumpim of the highest sneep
we are the frux of the outer expanse
But sadly the pugnamm turns once more
and frux make ready for their winter sleep,
they'll make their beds, wet their floors
(The latter may sound weird absurd
but not for frux... of that you can,
confidently be assured)
You see Frux are not clever
nor profound
yet like their corifum cousins
like to play around
To be as Frux, you could do worse
Alas to be born human...
That would be awful
of course
Hat wairers are people too .
We deserve equal rites just like the females &
The black fokes du !
We deserve Freedum frum the fashion fashists !
And the church-o-holix hoo wish 2 bash us !
Weed like 2 form a raynboe koelayshun !
Or maybe even an intyir hat wairers nayshun !
Weed rather wair hats then go 2 church ,
Weed rather wair hats then have lunch with lurch .
Even Jessie Jackson sumtimes wairs hats ,
So all u religious finnattix think about that !...
Thair is this girl called : peace , love & pie . Her dad jumps out of aero planes .
Noeboddy noze why ! She wants 2 jump from aero planes too !
But if her parachute doent open, she wood be thrue !
She has a girlfrend called apokkullips ! She duz not cum frum Egypt ,
Or like stepping on the x-men,s space ships ! This girl duzzint have minny cloze !
And she duzzint have any pantyhose ! She just graduated frum hy skool !
But she duzzint have a swimming pool ! She likes jumping rope in a southern park !
Wair rednecks swing flayming mace balls in the dark , and her frends play with
Hoolah hoops , and thay all look like a bunch of goofs !her dad,s job is
Falling frum the sky ! Why thay pay him 4 this . Noe one noze why!...
Rainbow is a girl , with multi-colored hair. She makes people see things ,
That are not really thair ! Amber can float up intu the sky , win asked how she duz it,
She duz not know why ! Tank is very big and strong , lucias krell will find sum one
New 4 him 2 fite B-4 very long . Sham can wair any face he wants , but he can never
Skair that white haired girl hoo luvs him . Lite-Ning cums frum the hands of surge ,
Even if he can,t find Luger the assassin hoo killed the girl he loved !...
Ime wondering about moe hunt,s health .but allso about Howard Hughes wealth , &
allso about brainiac-5,s belt !
And win it snows in Chicago , win will it melt ?
The legion of super heroes left stuff at a museum ,
Hope-ing people wood come 2 see um .
But sum football player stole brainiac 5,s
Force field belt & win the cops chased him ,
Away he did melt . Allso missing is
Super boy,s flite-ring , but superboy can fly with out that thing ,
And wair did booster gold,s uniform cum frum ?
& win superman hit red tornaydo , it broke off his thumb ?...
Suzie plakson plays a half Klingon ambassaddor 2 earth , hooz stationed on the moon.
Shay astar plays her dawter , the security chief hooz kind of a goon!
Katie Anne Stuart plays shay,s lover, she never had a man . But sum how she,s praygnant & duzzint understand !
Robert Ito plays the dean of the skool , but he's so old , he,s 2 old 2 be kool !
Billy mumy plays this aylein millionaire , he,s allways traveling frum here 2 thair !
Marc dacascos plays his very best frend. The one person hoo can allways be trusted
Until the very end !
Thay came 2 earth , looking 4 a flying saucer , that crashed in Hudson,s bay !
But thairs monsters down thair that chase everyone away !
Khrystyne hage plays an elderley moovee star hoo still thinks she,s hot!
But her best frend Quinn Cummings has 2 remind her , she,s not!
This is my story , that Ime trying 2 write , but Ime allso trying 2 stay out of site !
With help from kickstarter , this pylit mite get made ! B-4 Ime as dead as
Roma,s husband , his name was don wade !...
I went a searchen for da green eyed monster
Yet da big fella was nowhere in site
They'd said he was really quite fearsum
He'd often appear on a saderday night
I went out wit my little woman
That sweet gal o mine lookin so fine
If ya asked me to give er a ratin
She'd be a ten or at least a nine
Da more dat I got inta ma drinkin
Ma senses dey became super fine
I noticed sum good lookin fella
Eyen dat special woman o mine
The vessels in ma neck started poppin
My eyes began glowin a sickly green
I got up frum ma chair started screamin
Dats right I started makin a scene
Ma little woman she was sum embarrassed
That yung fella smashed me in da face
Tank goodness she came to ma rescue
It's a good ting she had a can a mace
It seems I'd been mad about nutin
Dat young fella had been on a date
Ma wife told me dat I'd bin right silly
She was quite sure dat his date's name was Nate
Tankfully dos green eyes dey turned back ta blue
Da colour now is gone wit out a trace
except for da red and da black an blue
dat now is coverin dis here old face
For Verlena Walker's Green Eyed Monster contest
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