Best Irate Poems
There’s a party tonight so I bouffe up my hair
Pamper and powder my sweet derrière,
Arrive at the door, all done up to impress.....
Oh man, I forgot! Invite said “fancy dress”!
Pete and Sue are here, seems their theme’s ‘Tarts and Vicars’,
Sue’s skirt’s microscopic! Look at her tiny knickers!
Pete’s in a nun’s habit; the image is scary,
I’ve not seen a nun with a chin that’s THAT hairy!
And there’s Spider-Man! (although I’m perfectly certain,
His cape is made out of his living room curtain),
His curve-hugging costume’s quite “cosy” in size,
I think our friend Spidey gobbled too many flies!
In the corner, a lady has come as Snow White,
Gee, her bosoms are out there, her corset’s so tight,
They look like two bald heads squeezed into a sack,
Glad my hubby’s not here - he’d have a heart attack!
In the hallway, a robot is looking well-oiled -
Her costume’s made out of three rolls of tin foil,
She looks more like a turkey at Christmas, so later,
I really hope no one is tempted to baste her!
By the buffet, Fred Flintstone is looking contrite,
I think he and Wilma are having a fight,
Behaving all “caveman” has got Fred in trouble -
He showed his big man-club to poor Betty Rubble!
There’s a massive man-baby dressed just in a nappy,
The “milk” in his bottle has made him quite happy,
He’s shaking his tooshie and sucking his dummy,
And asking a lady, “can I call you Mummy?”
On the sofa is Princess Fiona from Shrek,
Blimey, Count Dracula’s nibbling her neck,
I avert my eyes to avoid his rising passion,
In walks his wife, and his face turns quite ashen.
His irate wife’s dressed up as pop singer Cher,
In her see through outfit she looks almost bare,
Then she lays into Drac just like Rocky Balboa -
She’s drunk as I skunk, I’m relieved I don’t know her!
Suddenly, Batman bursts through the door,
In his skintight costume - my jaw hits the floor!
He’s so muscular - bulges in all the right places,
If I play my cards right, could be me he embraces!
Well sadly I haven’t a costume of course,
Til I spot a young chappie dressed up as a horse,
I leap on his back - I’m a great improviser -
Strip off and shout “Hey I’m Lady Godiva!”
Collaboration between Jan Allison and the amazing Nina Parmenter
3/17/18
I LOVE THEE
I am no voluptuous beauty nor do I live a life of purity
I can only say: I love wholeheartedly with all I am so truthfully
I keep my heart open though it gets hurt so often
I avoid to be irate as I know love changes the heart rate..
Guys tried to coo and woo, they say words as for "only you"
Yet, hard to believe it is true as I see some untrue
I give chances as my heart marks with tact entrances
I learned from various instances looking man in romances
In places where rules impede, two persons who wants to bid
Not of money but of affection, in them must be determination
I love thee not of what you have…
Not even of who you are but to how you are to me…
If I love you, don't tell me much what to do…
As me, myself will show you, I am that real and true..
Yes, I am liked by many but tell you what:
I don't like this honey nor am I proud of it in anyway
One is enough to make me stay
Stand with me through it all, I give my best not to fall
My name your sweetest call echoing in every wall..
Hold me firm yet dear; allow me to move closely
We'll make it anyhow, treading smoothly on flows...
We are strong, aren't we? No one moving alone
Together we'll face phases in tune, though there will dunes..
________________________________________________________
© OLIVE ELOISA D. GUILLERMO
3:25 pm, 07/13/2013
***CONTEST: ANY POEM GOES #13
SPONSOR: POET DESTROYER
8TH PLACE (TO GOD BE THE GREATEST GLORY)
***Sponsor SKAT A
Contest Name Any Old Poem #5
4th place
And He
my dearest
maturest mate to date
has bitterly regressed
to a child irate
from man of logic
to impish state
a hexer vile
filled with hate
while I don't believe
I've changed a bit
he thinks me evil
my mother split
as saccharin
as the Harpie race
bewitching temptress
evil face
necessity
I do suppose
for his childish fit
to so dispose
Dug out of an old journal for John Lawless' Go Ahead I Dare Ya!!! Contest
We arrived at the airport quite late
My passport was months out of date
My husband was snappy
The baby filled its nappy
I just stood there and got quite irate
The pilot had been on the pop
On the runway he couldn't stop
He just missed a tree
Stopped off for a pee
Now his career is facing the chop
Our hotel was two star not four
Cockroaches crawled on the floor
We got a terrible fright
In the middle of the night
A tornado blew off our door
Written for Vacation Humor Contest Sponsored By Carolyn Devonshire
07~23~14
I would harken back to passions of realm sublime
As melodies of beloved past endearingly chime
Appealing to yesteryears when love was in prime;
If only I could endeavor to journey back in time.
Strolling with you in springs of blooming meadows
We will greet paradise, euphoric thoughts renew,
Indulgent in amorous music heartbeats compose;
If only I could decode secrets, musings of souls coo.
There would be no laments, no recollections irate,
Nary a hint of grief, clenching strife would berate,
For heavenly bliss in your domain will forever elate;
If only I could manage to alter the course of fate.
I will restage how dear-Venus inflamed our mood
As astral orchestra strummed twinkling stellar tune
While courting your fervor waltzing stars wooed;
If only I could succeed to entice the doting moon.
I remember your smile, lauding blushing twilight,
Enamored in lyrics of hearts, fervent verses recite,
O, those moonlit desires would rekindle tonight;
If only I could seduce, reveries of romantic night.
April 16, 2023
This or That, Vol 17 Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Edward Ibeh
"Consistency"
by: Eric L. Boddie
Contemplate, debate hate
Rate state magistrates
Mate great fates
Wait....date late
Deflate straight weight
Emancipate inmate traits
Dissipate irate gates
Indicate! Investigate! Litigate!
Incarcerate? Degradate? Incinerate?
Rejuvenate! Captivate! Demonstrate!
Innovate! Motivate! Fascinate!
Anticipate! Dedicate! Articulate!
Communicate....congratulate....exonerate
Infiltrate....penetrate....interrogate
Implicate! Detonate! Annihilate!
Separate? Segregate? Disintegrate!
Under quarantine, I am asked, along with many other people,
to stay inside my house -
except if I should go out for necessity’s sake.
I have no quarrel with this.
In fact, I count myself fortunate that I am not required
to drive a semi like my husband, who has asthma.
Nor must I work in a hospital, like my sister,
who has to work inside one to help support her family.
I am not forced to work facing a stream of customers inside a grocery store,
irate because they find no toilet paper in the store.
I do not have to work at any job in order to maintain health insurance
or feel forced to work as a sole provider of a household.
My boss has allowed me to continue working in my part-time job
from the comfort of my home office,
and for now, all is going well in that regard.
Furthermore, I love my house!
I have a comfy bed, televisions upstairs and down,
computers, running water, food, and electricity.
My dog is here to keep me company
and my husband is with me
from morning to night on days he isn't driving.
Friends and family are a phone-call away.
If I want, I can walk the dog on quiet blocks of my neighborhood
or simply step out onto my porch, breathe fresh air
and feel excitement for sunny days coming,
for I have to believe that Spring IS coming for us all.
Many in the world right now are not nearly
so blessed as I am.
I worry for my loved ones who have to leave their homes
to work on “front lines” for their livelihoods
and for the world’s poor who live paycheck to paycheck,
or worse, may be homeless and on the streets.
I worry for my husband, a good man who suffers from anxiety,
facing the threat of a virus everytime he goes out on the road.
Meanwhile I get to stay inside my house -and I say this thankfully,
for "here" is my home - my castle - my sanctuary.
April 3, 2020
for "Quarantine Poems" Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Julie Leigh Rodeheaver
Indented by harsh waves
Injured by cold sharp rocks
Inflicted by failures
Irate at injustice
I come to you naked
Indolent, extinguished
Illuminate me Lord
Written on:02/27/2016
Jesus Christ Be Praised
By Roy Merritt
He went to see the queen of Spain told her the world was round
That he could get to the east going west that’s what he had found
He told her if he sailed the Atlantic kept going that way
He could find the wondrous Orient could even find Cathay
Then they wouldn’t have to go east down that long Silk Road
And worry about the Muhammadans or bandits as they go
And so after several tries they finally gave in agreed
And gave him the money for three ships whatever else he’d need
And so on August 3 he set sail pushing out to sea
With three ships the Nina, Pinta and the Santa Marie
And so after many tribulations pushing along with the wind
On Oct. 12 they spotted land their journey at its end
They landed in Hispaniola the natives sorely amazed
They’d never seen such a sight in all their many days
They treated the strangers kindly treated them just like kings
Treated them with human kindness amazed by many things
So Columbus returned to Spain told them of many treasures
This land could provide of many great pleasures
But by his third visit there he'd inspired much hate
The natives wanted to kill him they by now irate
He’d turned them to bondage to work as a slave
Claiming to make them Christian, Christian to be saved
This be the way the true Christian word
To enslave a man in bondage which certainly be absurd
Oh yes this be the religion Jesus Christ inspired
The one and only true religion soon to spread like fire
And at last it made to Europe continent of the white man
Who declared an intention to spread it to every land
And so off they went conquering Jesus Christ be praised
At the same time enriching himself turning men to slaves
Turning men to slaves turning them into beasts
Jesus Christ be praised Jesus Christ GIVE FEAST!
"Thank you for calling….”
Is what’s trained to be said
But when they get irate and lewd
I feel like hanging up instead.
This person’s always right, that person’s never wrong.
Mr boss sir, your breath is oh so strong !
they’re mean and crass, just downright rude
I might just be naughty and get the big boss sued.
I give picture perfect smiles,
the really artificial Kind
Welcome and please come again,
you just died ten times in my mind
Just got off the last call and I don’t mean to be crude
But goodbye till tomorrow, the next complaint I’ll elude
A collaboration with Stephanie Allen/Sean Solomon/Niketa Mckenzie
Imagine if you could visit Heaven for only one day...
Who would you search for, and what would you say?
Can you envision the beauty beyond its streets of gold?
Would it be as glorious as in the Bible it's been foretold?
Would you search for your dearly deceased loved ones,
mothers, fathers, brothers, daughters and sons?
Would you wish to remain with them in such a divine place?
Would you fall to your knees if you saw God’s face?
Imagine such an Elysian paradise without violence or hate,
where everyone is blessedly content, and no one is irate.
Visualize greeting your grandparents as they were in youth.
Can you conceive a realm where no lies are told; only truth?
If a visit I could make, I'd thank God for such an amazing gift.
Then sit upon a fluffy cloud, looking around as I slowly drift.
I would hold my Mother's hand and probably beg to stay.
Can you imagine visiting Heaven, even if for only one day?
January 22nd, 2021
Can You Imagine-Any Form Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Constance La France
sitting here like a moron in an old people's home,
they think i dont know where they've put me and my phone.
silly arses are searching my home for any hidden money .....you see
they won't find a blessed thing...they think I am off my trolley
have arranged a super funeral black horses the lot
paid for a large headstone on a large plot
have ordered a banquet for the elderly of the town
they're not invited they can stay home
money grabbing family you've had your last penny
given to the dogs home and the donkey appeal "Jenny"
picked up my ringing phone ....irate voices I hear
where is it hidden? is it hidden here?
I smile to myself ...today is my last
am ready now ... please Peter..haul me up fast
Penned 27 August 2016
Cuckoo Dancers
Discarded dusty beer bottle lying dormant on the tracks
Commuters await their carriage
Adorned in business like macks
Trees sway in gentle breeze
Capable of more tension,
Performing their shedding of leaves
Far too many to mention.
Pigeon jumps on pigeon
Mating season for all to see,
Another squirrel scurries across the tracks,
Across leaves and debris.
Solitary heron surveys the scene,
The dance of the platform,
The cuckoo dancers ensue.
Discarded shower gel lies half empty on the tracks,
How this could have got there, no one can tell
One person steps forward to check for his train,
Another steps back with woeful refrain
This pattern continues to emphasise my point,
Stemming from this anxiety a new dance I anoint.
Discarded crisp packet bounces gently across the tracks
Reminding me very much of a man on the moon,
Station clock shows the train arrival is now late,
Man grunts, swings his brolly...he is clearly irate.
Discarded cigarette pack fades gradually on the tracks
Whilst woman fixes make up, man kills time by playing with his phone,
Amazes me how people just can't leave them alone!
Man lights his cigarette in a reluctant fashion,
His car has broken down and he hates public transport with a fervent passion.
A multitude of people are gathered here today,
Business attire the name of the day
A brief case, a brolly, a black bowler hat,
And in some extreme cases
A flasher mack and a comedy 'tache!
Suddenly in the distance
A growing light appears,
A communal silent sigh of relief
As the train begrudgingly nears
Man stubs out his cigarette
As the train makes its approach,
In anticipation of his selection of coach.
Discarded Autumn leaf floating lazily across the tracks,
The platform is now empty
Awaiting its latest cuckoo dance!
Copyright
S Rose
They look through me never really see me
Without a shred of decency choosing to avoid me
Their disdainful stare turning to a glare
Offer their backs to me without a care
It would never occur to them to smile
Would never go that extra mile
Can their heart really be that stone cold
To be so stingy as to a smile withhold
Hoping but for a cordial hello
Not like asking for a hearty laugh bellow
Why are some so miserably irate
Are they really so bursting with hate
Don’t they see they write their own fate
With cloudy gloom and moody skies
How unfortunate not to use their eyes
And realize how blessed they truly are
Each new day, should thank their lucky star
I wonder what they can possibly gain
To carry and spread such misery and pain
Why do they fear to show compassion
Since when is a frown acceptable fashion
They sport a burden they need not share
Can they not reach inside and find a way to care
AP: 1st place 2020
Submitted for contest JUDGMENTAL PEOPLE AND HATERS sponsored by BRENDA CHIRI - November 8, 2017 - RANKED 4TH
[Title changed from ‘Double Talk’ as I’ve
used that title before]
________
This was the place that he’d chosen to go
They do a great starter of avocado
Everyone ordered the same starter there
And he'd always wink and say what a nice pear
His girl said this could be a very nice date
But please don’t be smutty or I’ll get irate
The cafe was German, renowned for its wurst
Each lady he liked he would take her there first
Which allowed him to use a one liner or two
Like I’m gonna get a hot sausage for you
Again his date felt that she must speak her mind
Speak dirty again and I’ll leave you behind
As for desert, there was one choice to make
She didn’t want ice cream so she ordered cake
His choice of words might have upset his mother
When he said I’d like a bit of the other
His date said what is it you don’t understand
Your double entendres are way out of hand
Tell me she said, do you like horses
He said I've been on a few riding courses
Nowadays I stick to my trusty land-rover
As I always struggled to get my leg over
That’s it, she bellowed, your mind is too shady
I only want you to treat me like a lady
He said I get nervous, don’t know what to say
She said lose the smut and you're doing okay
Talk about family... or friends if you’d rather
Okay he said... how’s your father