Best Limerick Poems

At the footbridge Sue was meeting her beau
(He was married to a woman called Flo)
Sue soon found out his deception
She dismembered his ********
For his love life it was a massive blow

To the hospital fled poor Rodger
For an op to repair his todger
Now fixed, it's SO...

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A desperate housewife I knew
had such mundane housework to do.
Being so tired of it,
she decided to quit.
Then off to Las Vegas she flew.

Having always been such a lithe girl,
she thought “I’ll give dancing a whirl!”
Her audition went well.
From a large oyster shell
She emerged, so they...

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There was a lumberjack from Borehamwood 
A chainsaw mishap took off his manhood
His Love life now a mess 
And it caused him great stress
So he made himself one out of some wood .  
          ...

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Ted’s libido has now gone astray
He refused a quick roll in the hay
So what could be the cause -   
It’s the male menopause   
He’s been grumpy and snappy all day!
 
His testosterone levels have dropped  
Many Viagra pills he has...

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My turds float like choc’late marshamallows
Just lurking about in the shallows
I guess that my butt
Is truly kaput
So doctor suggests bitter aloes

I questioned such treatment regime
Doc said it may keep my butt clean
Aloe on my finger
Won’t cause me to linger
And floaters will look like whipped cream

Doc...

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Her limericks posted on Soup
are full of the merits of poop,
of farts and of pee,
of laxatives' glee,
and hard ons - or those with a droop!

For my hilarious friend Jan Allison...

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JAN HAS A FAN


Jan Has no Tan

I once saw a gal called Jan
So sexy she made me ran
Straight to the vicar
Said marry us quicker
Whilst she drank her tea on the can


She is as White as pure Sand

I once met a gal in white dress
I fell...

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COME ON SOUPER'S LETS HAVE SOME FUN AND MAKE FOLK SMILE DURING SUCH DIFFICULT TIMES FOR US ALL. THERE ARE LOTS MORE APT NAMES  - PLEASE SOUP MAIL POEMS AND I WILL ADD THEM 

My dentist is called Doctor Payne,
Who really lives up to...

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When looking for a quack with spiked rates
Some try the Windowed Office of Bill Gates
Coz right on the spot
He’ll give you a shot
But be prepared to accept his dictates
	
His business, Microshot, you may know
Needled itself ahead of every foe
With billions of bucks
To create deluxe
Vaccine versions...

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A curvaceous lady named Mary
Just loved having sex in the dairy
When smothered with whipped cream
Her beau would lick her clean…
His Calorie intake was scary!!!

14th June 2016...

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Old blabber mouth gets on my wick
His attitude makes me quite sick
He plays to the crowd 
Is brash and so loud 
My husband thinks he's an idiot!

Inspired by Stevie Wonder Song on the Radio today - He's Misstra know it all' 

WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON


Impolite...

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A man with a quiet demeanor
was cursed with a miniscule wiener.
He tried lotions and pills
But not one cured his ills.
Now he's a silent nail hole cleaner.

BY DALE GREGORY COZART

His todger though tiny still worked. 
When he went for a wee it jerked. 
He could still...

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Forgive intrusion in the fray
I'm making comments today
Tom's limericks, three
were cute as can be
But of Kim and Jack, I must say.....

We all know how well Kim can write
She graces each page of the site
But limerick queen
Jan is a machine
There's no cause to argue or fight...

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The sun was setting with a breeze
Seductively sliding behind the trees
Watching his descent
Was quite the event
I witnessed a day to night striptease

He left me with the biggest grin
I must admit with some chagrin
Watching as he changed 
Glances were exchanged
I didn't mean to embarrass him

I just...

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This tribute’s to dear Teppo Gren
He supported both women and men
His account’s now deleted
As his friends were mistreated
He will not post on PS again’

To newbies, kind words he was gifting
His comments sincere and uplifting
Now Teppo has left
I feel quite bereft
To pasture’s new he is now...

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