Best Humor Poems

i narrate me own story in a fake english accent. the bloody typewriter is 
broken, it can't capitalize. i'm out of coins for the heater. i can...

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I stand about five feet eight
I'll admit, I'm a tad overweight
Drive an old pick up truck
Not one to pass the buck
At the moment have a...

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Trees wear a gown of bright emerald green
Where birds are nesting in branches up high
Parents shield fledglings so they can’t be seen
Until they can spread...

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She had so many chances
     Yet she kept muffin it up
Butter intentions were good
     Just not much...

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"Rhyming poems have nothing of substance to say
They're childish! Ridiculous! Silly! Passe!

What's that - 'The Raven,' fine prose, you assure?
Pshaw, a talking bird is not...

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To all the pens I’ve lost before
That rolled off my desk and, on the floor
I’m glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the pens...

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Twenty first of October in two thousand and eighteen
Was the worst disaster poetry soup had seen
Poems wiped off the website as all the poets slept
When...

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```Pirate Bay the Haiku``` 

pirates fierce and mean 
drowning fish, sea to sea 
parrots on their butt 


```Polly Wants A Cracker``` 

bloodthirst & brutal 
Quartermaster...

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When my time is done and I am finally laid to rest
I don’t want to be recalled as one who lived life depressed

So as I...

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You have all heard I am sure of the three musketeers
The group with the swords not the ones with the funny ears

Reminds me of a...

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Benedict was tired, he’d been driving all day.  
This was his last delivery, 2 tonnes of eggs delivered to Safeway.  
The kid came...

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A man with a quiet demeanor
was cursed with a miniscule wiener.
He tried lotions and pills
But not one cured his ills.
Now he's a silent nail hole...

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YES DEAR!

I have here an old solution
For conflict resolution
Not to mention domestic pollution 
I say 'Yes Dear!'

When the situation is tense
With a subject like pounds...

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My appreciation Francis Crasto for allowing me to collaborate with you as your 'psychiatrist' on ‘A MAN UNDER STRESS’- A great sequel to your recent...

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You Americans really can’t spell,
There, I’ve said it out loud - what the hell!
Though we all recognise,
And, yes, humour your tries,
Well, the fact is, you’ve...

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I can't recall exactly when
Life swung and hit me on my chin
I"m ashamed to say, it knocked me cold
When I came to, I woke up...

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There was a lumberjack from Borehamwood 
A chainsaw mishap took off his manhood
His Love life now a mess 
And it caused him great stress
So he...

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Oh don't think that I ain't seein'
As you roll those purty eyes,'
And my man stands there a gawkin'
Like he'd won some sort of prize.

My ma...

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Well I wrote some lines, took a long, long time,
Got the metre right, polished up my rhyme,
Used some simile, used some metaphor, 
Used some words...

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Ocie the Ocelot liked words a lot!
As a tot, words like dot and trot hit the spot
Then, getting older, the folder on her shoulder grew...

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Troop-troop-a-troop, into line, bright-eyed poets,
There’s one way to write now! We’ve told you! You know it!
Don’t mention your heart or your soul, don’t go aching
Or...

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Compose eight lines consult your muse
Subject matter is what you choose
Just eight syllables on each line
Follow these rules and you'll be fine
Pretty pictures you do...

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I was inattentive in Science class one day
When the teacher at random looked my way
I didn't look up, I wouldn't dare
There's no escaping that intense...

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At the window, palms under my chin,
such beauty I see, out the frosted pane,
I was mesmerized, it showed in my grin,
so picture perfect, the snow...

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