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Best Humor Poems | Poetry

Below are the all-time best Humor poems written by Poets on PoetrySoup. These top poems in list format are the best examples of humor poems written by PoetrySoup members

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New Humor Poems

Don't stop! The most popular and best Humor poems are below this new poems list.

Toilet Humor by Rigoler, Maurice
Hiding Behind Humor by Telling, Katie
ENGLISH HUMOR by Taub, Bob
TV Humor by Krutsinger, Caren
A Sense of Humor by Ibeh, Edward
No Room For Gallows Humor by harris, matthew
Humor by jacks, john
Throw Fire On Humor and More Updated by Horn, James
The Endless Humor of My Attempts to Lose Weight by Grunstra, Heather
Sick, Dark, and Scary Humor by Tripp, Rhoda

View all new Humor Poems

The Best Humor Poems

Details | Humor Poem |

To All the Pens I've Lost Before

To all the pens I’ve lost before
That rolled off my desk and, on the floor
I’m glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the pens I’ve lost before

To all the pens I’ve once caressed
And may I say, I’ve held the best
For helping me to grow, I owe a lot I know
To all the pens I’ve lost before

Ideas in my mind were growing
And all those things I had to say 
Those things and thoughts my inward praying
Etched in pen with verse I’d play

To all the pens that gave words life
That helped express love to my wife
I’m glad you came along
I dedicate this song
To all the pens I’ve lost before

To all the pens that inspired me
That filled empty pages with fantasy
They live within my heart
Always playing an important part
For all the pens I’ve lost before

With the wisdom each pen was bestowing
They helped me find the right words to say
Inspiration steadily growing
Why did the best pens never stay

To all the pens I’ve lost before
That rolled off my desk and, on the floor
I’m glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the pens I’ve lost before

To all the pens I’ve held before
From you I could not ask for more
Yes, I’m glad you came along
Without you I couldn’t write my songs
To all the pens I’ve lost before.


A parody of Willie Nelson’s song, I hope you enjoy.

Details | Humor Poem |

You never know till you get to know

One dark night a saucer crashed;
the military quickly cleaned up the trash.
In the distance, what they didn’t see;
a thin, white face between the trees.

Once all was quiet, little Gili-ok crept,
from the woods where he had slept.
The rising sun, he felt was great, 
but without his transport, he’d met his fate.

A distant farmhouse, he drew near;
he’d find food there; the scent was clear.
To the doorway he did head; 
but he was overcome by sudden dread.

Standing just inside the door,
a human creature loudly warned…
“Come no closer, you little freak, 
or I’ll put a bullet, a’tween yer teeth”.

Gili-ok stopped dead in his tracks; 
he thought about just turning back,
But reading farmer Jones’s mind; 
he beamed his message, oh so fine.

“I come in peace, my human friend;
I only want my wounds to mend”.
Old farmer Jones, lowered his gun; 
He said, “I see that you are wounded, son.”

Into the house, Gili-ok walked and
they ate breakfast, as he talked.
Old farmer Jones, then smiled and said,
“It’s a wonder, you ain’t dead!”

Guli-ok was soon patched up and 
graciously, he fixed old Jones’s truck.
One finger touched the clunker’s hood;
the old sparks fired and that thing, ran good!

“Say, yer a fine repairman son 
and I could use a hand on this farm.
Would’ya stay a’spell; help me plant seed?  
I’ll give room, board and feed.”

Now Gili-ok knew he’d have to wait
for friends to rescue him from his fate.
Into the barn, he did go and 
soon the tractor…out it rolled.

“I’ll be.” Said Farmer Jones, surprised;
he really couldn’t believe his eyes.
Little Gili-ok thrashed a ton of wheat; 
he filled the silo, nice and neat.

The hogs and chickens were swiftly fed,
when Gili-ok simply turned his head.
Old Jones, he watched with shock and awe,
as hay bales levitated into the barn loft.

Week after week, Gili-ok did work,
fixing equipment and working the dirt.
The one year there, Gili-ok spent;
made farmer Jones, a rich old gent.

When Gili-ok’s pals finally arrived,
they gifted Jones’s truck with a new hyper-drive.
On his tractor, they added super-warp and
on his house, they zapped a porch.

As Gili-ok waved a sad goodbye, 
Farmer Jones began to cry.
Into his head a message was beamed,
“You must forget all that you’ve seen”.

Never again did old Jones need
to struggle planting all his seeds.
His new warp tractor would miraculously plow
and seed his crops; how he was, “wow’d”!

A lesson Jones did learn from this;
to befriend aliens, can be bliss.
He was so happy that he didn’t shoot;
he gave Gili-ok a brand new pair of boots.

As Jones sat up watching the late, late show;
his HDTV began to glow.
It bleeped twice; the pixels morphed 
and on the screen was Gili-ok, of course!

Gili-ok winked one oval eye and
Jones waved back, with a sigh; 
happy that he’d gotten to know, 
that skinny little, alien soul.

Details | Humor Poem |

Ode to Chocolate-COLLABORATION

To chocolate I pay my respects
Some folks say its better than sex
whether milk dark or white
Ev’ry bar I must bite
or I'll get a lack of choccy complex

I NEED chocolate it’s an unwritten rule
I'm a woman not a blithering fool
Give me a constant supply
On days that end with a Y
when choc’s smeared round my mouth it looks cool

BY JAN ALLISON

Most women love something that’s sweet
And chocolate it cannot be beat
Deny them and they’ll pout
Choc is all they think about
Many men think it's all that they'll eat.

BY DALE GREGORY COZART

She lustingly said to bring some to her room
off went my trousers in a vertical zoom
I gazed in her eyes
but to my surprise
I gave her the chocolate she gave me a broom

BY TIM SMITH

Give me the chocolate and forget the sex
But please don't send it through Fed Ex
It'll melt in the summer
And that's a real bummer
Now that's a problem to vex and perplex

BY LIN LANE

Chocolates make me feel great
I forget the part about weight
If I was a tad thinner
Would think chocolate ideal for dinner
Will settle for sex after eight

BY SEREN ROBERTS

Chocolate is all that she wishes
She loves anything that Swiss is
I brought her a box
She quick changed the locks
Guess I’ll just go sleep with the Mrs.

BY DEAN WOOD

One woman with sweet loving lips
ate nothing but dark chocolate chips.
Her husband's retort?
"To enter her port
is like docking between two battleships!"

BY LIM'RICK FLATS

Details | Humor Poem |

Last Tussle in Brussels

Somewhere in Brussels, March 2019,
Poor Theresa’d not slept since about Halloween,
But at last it was ready! The dream Brexit treaty,
Which pleased every spluttering zealot so sweetly!

So ready to sign it, she tried not to squeal...
Until Boris* burst in and cried “NO BLOODY DEAL!”
Theresa yelled “shut it, you haystack-haired chancer!”
But Europe said “sorry, we’ll take your first answer!”

Then Macron and Barnier*, Merkel and Juncker*,
Cried “See ya, Theresa, we’re off to the bunker!”
Theresa gave chase; Boris stuck out a toe,
The Jimmy Choos buckled, and down she did go!

The bunker shut! Pawing the intercom button
And licking the speaker, she heard them all tutting,
Then Merkel said “Vile vee regret ze estrangement,
Zey cannot exist vizout formal arrangement!”

Theresa was screaming “JUST LET ME IN NOW!”
But she could have sworn Barnier cried out “KA-POW!”
Then she felt a great shake like the boom of a bomb -
And her satellite glasses showed... Britain was gone!

Well, after some hours of wailing and gnashing,
They found little Britain complaining and splashing
and shivering up by the cold Arctic Circle...
“Best wrap up vorm!” tittered Angela Merkel.

———————————————-

We last saw Theresa all sun-kissed and blustery,
Hiking the warm Euro hillsides of Tuscany,
Boris was found (well was dug up in parts),
With a hot Belgian waffle stuck right up his ****...

As for Britain - it’s time in the cold had begun,
The crops slowly died in the thin arctic sun,
Til a hobbit named Corbyn* cried “Right! Who needs feeding?!”
And was hailed as a God with his frost-hardy seedlings.

And somewhere in Dudley, a “leaver” called Norris,
Polished his gold-plated statue of Boris,
And petting his bulldog (with hands somewhat frozen),
He gave a wry smile, and said, “that bloody showed ‘em.”

*The cast (for the benefit of the lucky people who don’t have to hear about this nonsense every day!)

Boris Johnson: tousle-headed lying twonkweasel who helped get us in the ridiculous position in the first place.
Michael Barnier: The EU’s chief Brexit negotiator. Has self-righteous manner of schoolmaster dealing with a tiresome child.
Jean-Claude Juncker: President of the European Commission
A hobbit named Corbyn: Just a hobbit obviously. But coincidentally shares his name with the leader of Her Majesty’s Opposition, whose hobbies are beards, nationalisation and seeds.
With apologies to all Germans (sorry, Agnes) for Merkel’s comedy accent.

27 July 2018

Details | Humor Poem |

Six-Word Couplet Series

Cinderella
Pumpkin turns carriage
Prince offers marriage 

The Elves and the Shoemaker
Business lacks clout
Shorties help out

Rapunzel 
Scaling her tresses 
Young prince impresses

The Three Little Pigs
Wolfie wants bacon
Brickwork frustrates him

Puss in Boots
Smooth talking feline
Princess makes beeline

Sleeping Beauty
Hundred year nap
Ended by chap 

Beauty and the Beast
Loving what’s ugly
Renders it lovely 

Hansel and Gretel
Candy trap foiled
Witchy gets boiled 





14 September 2018
Written for Six-Word Couplet Series Contest
Hosted by Mark Toney

Details | Humor Poem |

Woodstock

~Woody Wood From the Hood~

Deep, inside yourself, you walk a sour way of life,
Carving my name, on every tree with a hunting knife
You log in, then log out
A Birdman So Fickle, he Stinks of doubt!

Blind today, bald tomorrow, 
Big Bird, will be your only friend
I can't seem to forget the day, you shed your final skin
Revealing a darker snake, than the one in my garden
Leaving the word betrayal, up to the imagination 

Trust not the fool, who thinks his halo is heaven sent
Using a fake ballpoint pen dietary supplement
Thinning out his wings, and losing the symbolic meaning

Aging in a way, that spreads crows feet from top to bottom
Sapsucker revolving yellow as if it was always autumn
Pecking Hard Wood, MR Pecker of all woodpeckers 
Forgetting who's the real Home-wrecker

Your dragging pants are no bother, Mr Woodpecker!
I've gotten used to the tree talking and your creative vision
Let's just say, "Gangster to Gangster, I gave you a mission."
Keep rapping and tapping the same old street sign, 
Woodstock, on demand, crap out the peanut punch
Whatever suits you for breakfast and lunch
Don't forget dinner's also about me

Go ahead!
Peck away with deception, reveal your sullen evil feathers  
A disease urine Birdman, doing it snoopy style
A flightless, lightless liar, nothing about him's worthwhile
Keep manipulating the weak, whatever turns you on
I'm not ready to shoot you down with my shotgun

~SKAT~

Details | Humor Poem |

SPEECHLESS SPOKEN WORD ARTISTE

SPEECHLESS SPOKEN WORD ARTISTE

So if my vocal folds can’t collaborate to produce sounds to communicate loudly to your beautiful mind that I have an endless mission of loving you, can’t there be any mere articulation in my vocal tract to do that? What are my tongue, lips, alveolar ridge, hard palate and velum doing? I never knew that emotions could shut my speech tract. How I wish my speech tract could connect to my heart, so that I can give you a cord of love inserted into my heart, for you to put it into your ears and listen to the words my heart says because I am speechless. I had it in my mind to tell you that you are beautiful, eloquent, and charming. When I drew nigh, I decided to start with the word ‘lady’ to show some decorousness. But I realized my lungs couldn’t even initiate the airstream for my glottis to either widen or narrow to cause my vocal tract to produce the voiceless and voiced sounds in the two syllable word, let alone the nine. Should I comply with those who say action speaks louder than words, so that I can gesture for you to get the feelings better? I thought I was one who could speak like a parrot, but I am now slides before you like carrots. But what could make a spoken word artiste speechless apart from the abnormal? OK! Let’s try establishing causality. The moment I saw you, you blinked your eyes, so probably that muted me. So if you could do that again, it may set me free. Don’t wait for me to tell you that you can cause distraction. Don’t go near a podium mounted by a performer, lest, you will cause distraction. Because that image you carry isn’t what you think. Not even a mermaid, more than strange. Please set me free because you are gradually becoming ‘head of Medusa ‘ , rays from your eyes are communicating with mine and making me motionless like lot’s wife is Sodom and Gomorrah. I came out of volition but it is now at your discretion to let me go, so please take off your eyes and set me free.

Tension within me had converted into electrical energy and burnt my speech tract. So what I am going through is beyond dumb. From a distance, I was in haste to meet you, but the moment I set my eyes on you, as though there were a speed rump- I started moving like a tortoise. What broke the camel’s back was when your eyelids became a canon camera and gave me flash, I became static. I wonder why I am speechless. I wonder why I am speechless. Because I am this man who can stand before a lady and produce lyrics more than ‘sarkology’ album, so I wonder why I am speechless. I could make a lady swim deeper in the pool of sweet words, so I wonder why I am speechless. Movement of my negative lips could attract positive ladies, so I wonder why I am speechless. Perhaps we are both negatives, so we repel. How I wish my vocal folds will touch along their edges from my thyroid and open slightly at my arytenoids to create a creaky sound like ‘huuh’ for you at least get the air of love, but none is working. I have thin vocal folds that can produce nice sounds like the lead guitar, so I wonder why I can’t even stammer. My phonetics is not working, let alone deploy my syntax for you to use your morphology in breaking down the words to achieve semantics.  How unfortunate it is that my speech tract couldn’t let out the words my mind has been saying since the beginning of this piece.

Details | Humor Poem |

My New Year's Resolutions: Humor

I have tracked my New Year's Resolutions 
over the years these are my fantastic results.

Resolution One

2011: I will try to be more attentive to Lauren.
2012: I will pay more attention to what's her name...ah...Lori...I know I'm close.  
2013: I will try for reconciliation with Lo.
2014: I will try to be more attentive to Carol.

Resolution Two

2011: I will walk 35,000 steps a day this year.
2012: I will definitely start my walking routine this year at 10,000 steps a day.
2013: I will walk once a week.
2014: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

Resolution Three

2008: I will not stare at women's cleavage .
2009: I will cut down the amount of time I stare at women's cleavage.
2010: I will stop being so obvious when I stare at women's cleavage.
2011: I will attempt to stop getting caught staring at women's cleavage.
2012: I will stop increasing the time I spend staring at women's cleavage.
2013: I will seek professional help as directed by the courts.
2014: I will try to stop starring at the female prison guards cleavage.

Resolution Four

2011: I will not let my siblings push me around.
2012: I will stick up for myself with at least one of my siblings.
2013: I will not let my siblings bullying depress me.
2014: I will talk to Dr. Potter and the group about my siblings.

Resolution Five

2008: I will read Clarissa this year all 1534 pages.
2009: I did not read Clarissa I will read Varney The Vampire all 866 pages.
2010: I will read the first 50 pages of Varney The Vampire this year.
2011: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2012: I will try and finish the comics section this year.
2013: I will read one strip in the cartoon section this year.
2014: I will read the fortune cookie thingy the next time I have Chinese Food. 

18~12~2014
Sponsor: Regina Riddle
Contest Name: New Year's Resolution

Best Humor Poems | Poetry

New Humor Poems

The Best Humor Poems

Real Men Wear Pink

I Knitted You A Scarf

STUNNING SPRING

If You Weren't Such a Nut Meg

To All the Pens I've Lost Before

Pirate Bay

Mimes at My Funeral

Cas Tim Jan And Me

The Curse: COLLABORATION

pun with eggs

Musings - Sucker Punched

Knowin how to keep em

Newton's Law

A Joyless Job

Chopped III - Humor

Justice - A Parable

You never know till you get to know

HEAR EAR

Ode to Chocolate-COLLABORATION

Americans Can't Spell

Last Tussle in Brussels

Six-Word Couplet Series

Woodstock

SPEECHLESS SPOKEN WORD ARTISTE

My New Year's Resolutions: Humor