Best Half Dozen Poems
Don’t try to straighten tulips, dear - they spread.
They lean and bend…they bump and crowd…infuse
Their sunrise glow - the perfect rainbow-red.
The priceless, Holland-choice, symphonic hues,
Impress a smile from lovers’ lips, a test.
They lean and bend. They bump and crowd. Infuse.
In comely youth, great happiness expressed -
Relinquished to the bulbous fate of time.
Impress a smile from lovers’ lips, a test.
The glass panel aflame - half-dozen rhyme
In partial sun. Such glory circumscribed,
Relinquished to the bulbous fate of time.
Across the morning sky, their light imbibed.
Each vibrant cup with verdant leaves adored.
In partial sun - such glory circumscribed.
When glimpsing life through glass, don’t bind with cord.
Don’t try to straighten tulips, dear - they spread.
Each vibrant cup with verdant leaves adored.
Their sunrise glow - the perfect rainbow-red.
4/20/2022
AN ORIGINAL TERZANELLE
Sponsor: Milton Hankins
HMS and Rhymezone
The Playbill for the 9/8/01 show at Godspeed Opera House falls from my palm to the floor. Here I sit, with a drugged hangover but alive. The last thing I remember is a suicide note in the Underwood typewriter on my desk, beside an ashtray of Blanche's lipstick smeared butts. Putting back on, the bifocals that had been dangling from one ear; I frown. I can't remember arriving? A phone's ringing; I stumble toward the tone. Odd looking thing, I think, as I bend over. The note taped to it says; it's a cell phone? "What the hell?" As I flip it open, I'm tackled. My heel slips on a broken pencil; I'm down. "What did you do? You bastard," he bawls, waving an airline ticket in my face. Looking toward him, I notice the stage still lit. He grabs the cell phone, "What the hell is this? You a commie spy?"- The 'phone? screen?' says 'Fred go to the opera house by midnight or you're both dead.' The curtain parts revealing a pool of blood: a chord is struck.
It's midnight accordin' to the ticker. I have a moment's relief before my arm's wrenched behind me. I'm cuffed. There's a shout from the lobby and the sound of sirens. Lifting me, he shoves me to the wall; locks me to the door pull. The theater hall appears empty except for us. Through a door, he charges. "Back here guys." The SWAT team arrives. "Smells like the dead in here Marco's, where's the body?"
"Ask him. Take him out and open some damned windows will ya." Two of the gorillas toss me on the porch under the moth laden lights. Just when the cop was about to kick me in the head; a woman screams. The coppers run inside. I hear a crash and a half dozen clod hoppers trompin', then through the door rolls a single gold earring. I scream "Blanche!!!!!!"
The crew hollers CUT-PRINT-It's a WRAP. I smile as Blanche saunters out.
Bugger
17th July 2015
Last night my missus gave me some oysters for tea
Was I in for a night of rip snorting whoopee?
I showered and shaved trying to smell like a stud
Her half dozen oysters must have all of been duds.
Things were desperate so I engaged in foreplay
What old men do when they want a roll in the hay
I groveled I pleaded, even whined like a dog
But for all of my efforts all I got was a snog.
So should she ever give me a little blue pill
I now know it sure won’t be for an evening of thrill.
Her response
So you’re disappointed
That all you got was just a snog
How about make an effort
Stop smelling like grog
I don’t care for begging,
And sexual wee stirrings
Have a shave and a shower,
That'll start me concurring.
Now take your hand off my breast,
Just help me cook the kids tea
Grab the vacuum, do the house,
That’ll be enough foreplay for me
Hang out the washing,
Then feed the pets.
Do homework with the kids
Please now go make the beds,
Scrub all the pots,
Make sure you do the lids
Thank you my dear,
Your help was just great,
It's nice just not to nag
What! What do you mean?
You’re too tired for a shag?
28th September
Silent One's Competition
In response to my first poem
No Toilet Paper
My mind is boggled.
What is with the Coronavirus mania?
Why is everyone going freaking nuts over this?
From what this writer understands,
It is much like the regular flu,
Which is killing thousands as we speak, and
Hospitalizing even more. And this has been going on,
As long as I have been alive since 1952.
But this particular microbe is novel, and
Since little is known about it apparently,
People are afraid they will “get it.”
So off to Costco they all go, and
Buy as much toilet paper they are all permitted to buy,
Take it home, store or hide it with the other family treasures,
And then realize, inexplicably, that now
They are all magically immune to “getting it.”
Is that what these crazed souls are thinking?
I can think of a fate worse than “getting it.”
Worse than sports games being cancelled;
Worse than concerts and plays going on indefinite hiatus;
Worse than school classes and Sunday services finding the exit door, for now;
Worse than millions of vacations being cancelled, and
Entire industries being brought to their knees;
Worse than the world economy taking a complete nosedive
Into depression and financial paralysis;
Worse than millions of human beings dying
Horrible, agonizing deaths due to this little microbe.
No, I can think of something even worse.
Imagine going to Steak Corral - All You Can Eat,
One night soon, and you wanted your money’s worth.
So you load up your plate with:
Whiskey-laced, barbecued baked beans and garlic bread;
Two breadcrumb-laced quarter pound char-burgers,
Each smothered in a half dozen beer-breaded onion rings,
With ranch dressing dripping over them like lava.
Then you go get some more beans on french fries with
Big raw garlic chunks nestled in them, and then,
You wash it all down with three beers.
Imagine the next morning.
Imagine the horror, the horror,
Of voiding all that Steak Corral stuff, and then
Having the absolute worst possible thing
Happen to you in today’s crisis times.
No toilet paper.
The U.S. was fighting against Spain over their colonial policies with Cuba,
And Asist. Secretary of the Navy, Theodore Roosevelt resigned his position just to join the volunteer cavalry. One of three regiment raised in 1898 for the Spanish-American War was the 1st U.S. Volunteer Cavalry fondly known as
The Rough Riders. Roosevelt recruited a diverse group of cowboys, miners, law enforcement officials and Native American Indians.
Roosevelt and Colonel Leonard Wood trained and supplied the men in San Antonio, Texas so well that The Rough Riders were allowed into action unlike many other volunteer companies and they sailed for Santiago de Cuba from Tampa on June 13,1898. There they joined The Fifth Corps, another highly trained, well supplied and enthusiastic group of excellent soldiers from the regular army.
The Rough Riders saw combat at Las Guassmas on the way to Santiago .
In his after action report JULY 4,1898 Roosevelt wrote that of the 490 men he led into battle at San Juan Hill 80 were killed and wounded and another half dozen were MIA.
Mrs. Robin, busy as a bee
visits my home's skylight annually
She builds a nest there carefully
her private retreat, only I can see
She commandeers my yard militarily
hopping to and fro imperiously
Ever seeking bark or twig assiduously
to feather her penthouse more comfortably
A half-dozen blue eggs she lays surreptitiously
Settling down over them protectively
Sheltered from the elements so cunningly
She awaits their hatching expectantly...
One day, her chirpings' cease, inevitably
Mrs. Robins' dreams realized successfully
She's flown the coop, perforce happily
Her nest, forlorn ~ stares at me emptily
July 10, 2020
Bird Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Constance LaFrance
The Kitchen
My wife’s never seen our kitchen!
It’s like it doesn’t exist
She walks right past it and heads to the garage
If she put kitchen into her GPS, it would explode
She’s going to a restaurant!
When we were apartment hunting, her single most
important criterion was LOCATION!
And that’s great
but for her it’s location to restaurants!
She always picks a second floor apartment
just above one
At night, while relaxing in front of the TV,
She gets up;
I say “Where are you going”
She says, “I’m heading downstairs
for a snack”
That’s the only kitchen she knows
I know what you’re thinking, I’m on a roll!
Wrong! SHE”S on a roll,
at least a half dozen by now!
Yeah, you may think, this is funny
and ask me
Where have I been hiding my humor all my life?
Well, it’s been in our kitchen
No one ever goes in!!
You made the right choice
Sign right here, be a pal, oh..
One more thing can I ask?
Though I know I seem shallow..
Could you just click a like?
Or a heart, that would do
I don't wish to impose, but
It makes our friendship SO true
Then I'll visit as well
Send our numbers to maximal
I do love you and this is
In no way transactional
You can stroke me and hug me
With your words affirmational
My reply will be Shakespearean
Or at least dissertational
When we're done with our tags
Or the half dozen kisses
With the hearts and the stars
Loaded high with best wishes
We can sleep safe and sound
As with nuclear fission
There's nothing to fear
From our popularity mission
xxxxxx
I doff my fedora to the feller who invented pertater chips!
That genius developed the ideal thingy in which to immerse our dips!
How could we survive sans our weekly fix of Dominoes pizza pie,
Or a half-dozen Dunkin Donuts consumed on the sly?
Ain't nothin' as finger lickin' good as Kentucky Fried, original of course,
Or a Wendy's triple bacon 'burger when you're as famished as a horse!
Ah! The myriad of Mexican fixin's offered by the local Taco Bell!
Chimichangas, burritos, tacos, tostadas and enchiladas as well!
Japanese and Chinese establishments offer mysterious and fancy fare.
Try sushi, octopus, crawfish or deep fried squid if you dare!
If you crave ice cream, cookies or a hunk of cake or such cuisine,
Hie yourself on down the street to the nearest Dairy Queen!
For the hotdog aficionado there are weenie varieties galore;
Foot longs, chilidogs, smothered in sauerkraut and so many more!
Want some scrumptious and satisfying grub that'll fill your belly?
Get a ham on rye, thick salami or a Rueben at the neighborhood deli!
At Dad's BBQ you can order any kind of barbeque with greasy fries.
To top off the pancakes at The Village Inn you can buy chocolate pies!
Doctors and nutritionists would cringe at such a diet of course.
Fiddle faddle! I'll keep on eatin' that stuff with absolutely no remorese!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
The story is told of a Maori King bold
Who dared cheat the Prince of Siam.
I’ll leave it to you to decide if its true.
But if you're not convinced, at least I am!
This king was annoyed so he filled his bored void
By selling the fauna of his wee land.
He soon grew in fame, none dared speak his name,
He was the richest in all of New Zealand!
But this roll could not last; the fates swooped in fast
With an invoice for arrogant King Frodo!
A prince of yon borders sailed in with his order
For a half dozen snakes and some Dodo.
“The snakes are all gone!” Frodo said with a yawn.
"And we ate the last Dodo last week!”
Thus the king blew him off with a wave and a scoff;
“Look elsewhere for that which you seek!”
But the prince had prepaid! And he screamed out in rage,
“What is that in the cage with the hasp?”
King Frodo’s eyes narrowed, “I won that from Pharaoh,
And that, that’s a two-headed asp!”
“And though its not fair, it is simply too rare,
Now be off or I’ll soon have your head!”
But the prince made this threat, “Dear King you’ll regret!”
Then he left leaving Frodo to dread . . . . . . .
At daylight’s first gleam, you could hear Frodo scream
As he raced to the harbor to spy,
And lo, by the pier was a note on a spear . . .
“Keep my gold! . . . But kiss your asp goodbye!”
For the "Asp" Contest
Sponsored by Anthony Slausen
May 7, 2018
10th Place
Last night my missus gave me oysters for my tea
I was really kind of hopeful for a night of tumble round whoopee
I showered and shaved, it helps to smell like a stud
But her half dozen oysters must have all of been duds.
Things were looking desperate so I engaged in some foreplay
Thats the thing that old men do when they want a roll in the hay
I grovelled and I pleaded, even whined like a dog
But for all of my best efforts all I got was a snog.
So should she ever come home, bearing that little wee blue pill
Don't think that I got lucky or had an evening of thrill.
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- In memory of the La Vegas shooting victims –
Dine a la carte
with my secret sweetheart
a half dozen roses
in differing poses
champagne glass in hand
soft notes from the band
vows ever after
sweet smiles and laughter
eyes locked in stare
romance in the air
emotions a-brew
old blending with new
eyelids a-fluttering
to whispered sweet nothings
vows ever after
sweet smiles and laughter
Love ballad dancing
and sensuous prancing
a oneness of feeling
and merging of being
open-eyed nose-meet
wings on the feet
vows ever after
sweet smiles and laughter
Instead we are pained
to outsiders chained
with emptiness fraught
our love counts for naught
mere love poems writ
twixt two lovers smit’
no vows ever after
sweet smiles or laughter
*******************************
The Forest
I walk through an ancient, gloomy forest.
Everything is shrouded in a dark fog,
flowing over the contours of the earth.
Uncertainty floods my mind, warping what I see and hear.
In the distance, an owl faintly asks his question.
I spin around, again and again.
Faint padding. The cracking of a twig.
Wind howling, fear takes my head.
A flash of grey, gone as if never there.
I flit about, glancing this way and that…
A faint moon reveals my horrors.
A half dozen wolves, grey and black,
crouching before me, ready to snap.
I stumble away, my back now against a tree.
They close in, readying themselves.
I unveil my dagger, but to my dismay and distress,
the wolves are like no other.
Transforming on spot, into those whom I love,
I think, “Am I strong enough for this?”
Before I conclude, they strike with speed.
And before I conclude, my horrors are gone.
Before I conclude, I’m hearing Death’s psalm.
when another (anointed as lady lucky)
resident renter bequeathed her bed
prior to that good samaritan deed thyself and spouse
slept on the floor like dogs dead
tired from another day acclimatizing ourselves,
especially when tummies got well fed
and grudging adjustment per lying supine upon the carpet
did upon arising found aches and pains from head
to toes, yet financial shortcomings disallowed this Jed
eye wannabe to defer attending domestic chores,
cuz ma whole body felt like a Led
Zeppelin, and matter of fact oft times,
thy body electric,
though lacked no evidence of disease NED
for short, I near felt a need to relearn basic motor skills,
gingerly, and eagerly reached for
performance enhancing drug i.e. PED
which coded identification
exemplified the a rich color of red
this (and other) prescription medication
(about a half dozen total found me to sleep akin to a Ted
dee bear, many instances of snoring
thine wife claimed emanated –
probably no more than when we wed
if memory serves me correctly
twenty plus years a husband aye attest
and find peace of body, mind and spirit
most exuberant and best
cherished, when hen pecking wife (yup, this husband
got pecking, pock, puck size marks
to vouchsafe his sworn statement)
some visible on my slightly flabby and hairless chest
and if traced with a ball point pen,
the shape loosely resembles mount Everest
with evidence of what appears to be erosion,
but actually evidence of wifely cannibalism –
viz zit on par as with an unwanted guest
which at first found this pop (sic) hull
averse to share the same firm mattress lest
she arise like a flesh eating zombie
during the wee hours of the morning and taking nest
ling to another level, whereby teeth
and scratch marks sure testament asper a pest
stiff ferrous mate, this husband would sooner bid adieu,
letting fate guide terrestrial quest
that might incorporate undergoing
the electric kool aid acid test
perhaps buffeting this corporeal essence north west
or maybe the unforeseen sojourn
would spirit thyself to a distant alien nation
one where each day of soundness of mental, physical
and spiritual growth will be reason enough
to celebrate with élan and zest.