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Bugger

Last night my missus gave me oysters for my tea
I was really kind of hopeful for a night of tumble round whoopee
I showered and shaved, it helps to smell like a stud
But her half dozen oysters must have all of been duds.

Things were looking desperate so I engaged in some foreplay
Thats the thing that old men do when they want a roll in the hay
I grovelled and I pleaded, even whined like a dog
But for all of my best efforts all I got was a snog.

So should she ever come home, bearing that little wee blue pill
Don't think that I got lucky or had an evening of thrill.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2015




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Date: 7/11/2016 4:51:00 PM
this is priceless Mark really made me laugh out loud:-) hugs jan xx
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Mark Woods
Date: 7/12/2016 2:35:00 AM
I have got a soft spot for this poem. Just a good laugh that so many people can associate with
Date: 1/3/2016 9:11:00 AM
Hi Mark, i needed a laugh and this write sure did fit the bill. I think for me it would be dozens of oysters. I'd know who to blame when i spent all night on the toilet. Mind you that could well be the plan. Enjoyed the read Mark. Glad i started at the beginning....Vladislav.
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Mark Woods
Date: 1/3/2016 1:32:00 PM
Thank you Vladislay. I'm about to delete some of my earlier poems, but this stays at it is a keeper. It seems to amuse so many people.
Date: 9/25/2015 11:50:00 AM
I'm back tracking your poems and glad of it - I found this clever gem. Such a fun read ... CayCay
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Mark Woods
Date: 9/25/2015 6:08:00 PM
I'm sure many blokes would relate to this, and I'm sure many women would get a giggle too ; )
Date: 8/8/2015 7:02:00 AM
Congrats for having your piece featured in PS home page Mark! ;-)
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Mark Woods
Date: 9/25/2015 6:05:00 PM
So sorry Teddy never saw your comment, thank you for your kind words.
Date: 8/7/2015 2:05:00 PM
MARK.. Your fabulous write is featured this week on the Soup homepage.. Huge congrats and the tip of my hat! -LYRIC
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Mark Woods
Date: 8/7/2015 2:27:00 PM
Thank you Lyric Man. I was very lucky, considering all the new wonderful poems I have read on the soup, I certainly didn't deserve the honour.
Date: 8/4/2015 9:10:00 PM
MARK, Congratulations on having your poem featured this week. **SKAT**
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Mark Woods
Date: 8/5/2015 4:21:00 AM
Thank you Skat, bad time to realise I made a very bad grammatical error!
Date: 8/3/2015 3:35:00 AM
There you go Mark... it's a fallacy. Oysters only work for oysters I reckon... and oyster salesmen. catch you soon - Lindsay
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Date: 7/24/2015 9:27:00 AM
Hi MARK.. this is a powerful, well constructed write, that I enjoyed reading today! I want to WELCOME you to Poetry Soup, a great place to display your creative, artist works. It's also an ideal place to meet and be shaped by other poets. I read a lot of poems and I'm looking forward to checking out more of your works. PS.. If you have a moment, check out my poems as well. I'm looking forward to becoming friends with those who do (Iron sharpens Iron).. Talk soon, LYRIC MAN
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Mark Woods
Date: 7/25/2015 9:01:00 PM
Cheers, I've already checked out your poetry and you rock! I feel like a humble peasant in comparison sir.
Date: 7/19/2015 9:09:00 PM
Mark, A nice warm WELCOME to poetry soup. I hope you have fun with this wonderful community. You'll find many friendly poets who are ready to support and give positive feedback. I will enjoy following you and your poetry when you are ready :) We are Lucky To Have you. Enjoy Poetry Soup:) Your New Poet Friend @-> LINDA <-@
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Date: 7/19/2015 1:30:00 PM
Mark,, a sweet Welcome to Poetry Soup. It will be a delight to read and become familiar with your poems in the future. As for now, I will greet you with the same smile others passed when I first joined the soup. Wishing you and your poetry the best. I hope you get to meet all the nice poets around here STARTING with me- SKAT :-) Please drop a hello and tell me a little about yourself if you wish. I would like to be your newest poetry soup "FRIEND" Hugs* SKAT""
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Mark Woods
Date: 7/19/2015 1:49:00 PM
I'm just a fool from the antipodes thats always enjoyed entertaining friends with humor, political views and wee snippets of life.
Date: 7/18/2015 5:45:00 AM
- With smiles and joy I welcome you to P-Soup, Mark :) - Hope you will find this poem page interesting and post many more poems in the future - Have a great experience together here with us in "the poems world" - I wish you every success - // Anne-Lise :)
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Date: 7/17/2015 10:26:00 PM
Hahaha.. Mark, you made my night with your humor. Wait, this was fiction right ;)
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Mark Woods
Date: 7/19/2015 1:45:00 PM
Don't panic. It was fiction : )
Date: 7/17/2015 10:06:00 PM
This was a most entertaining poem, Mark! Thanks for sharing! Always, Laura
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