Bugger

Last night my missus gave me oysters for my tea
I was really kind of hopeful for a night of tumble round whoopee
I showered and shaved, it helps to smell like a stud
But her half dozen oysters must have all of been duds.

Things were looking desperate so I engaged in some foreplay
Thats the thing that old men do when they want a roll in the hay
I grovelled and I pleaded, even whined like a dog
But for all of my best efforts all I got was a snog.

So should she ever come home, bearing that little wee blue pill
Don't think that I got lucky or had an evening of thrill.

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Jan Allison

Date: 7/11/2016 4:51:00 PM

this is priceless Mark really made me laugh out loud:-) hugs jan xx

Mark Woods
Date: 7/12/2016 2:35:00 AM

I have got a soft spot for this poem. Just a good laugh that so many people can associate with

Vladislav Raven

Date: 1/3/2016 9:11:00 AM

Hi Mark, i needed a laugh and this write sure did fit the bill. I think for me it would be dozens of oysters. I'd know who to blame when i spent all night on the toilet. Mind you that could well be the plan. Enjoyed the read Mark. Glad i started at the beginning....Vladislav.

Mark Woods
Date: 1/3/2016 1:32:00 PM

Thank you Vladislay. I'm about to delete some of my earlier poems, but this stays at it is a keeper. It seems to amuse so many people.

CayCay Jennings

Date: 9/25/2015 11:50:00 AM

I'm back tracking your poems and glad of it - I found this clever gem. Such a fun read ... CayCay

Mark Woods
Date: 9/25/2015 6:08:00 PM

I'm sure many blokes would relate to this, and I'm sure many women would get a giggle too ; )

Teddy Kimathi

Date: 8/8/2015 7:02:00 AM

Congrats for having your piece featured in PS home page Mark! ;-)

Mark Woods
Date: 9/25/2015 6:05:00 PM

So sorry Teddy never saw your comment, thank you for your kind words.

Skat A

Date: 8/4/2015 9:10:00 PM

MARK, Congratulations on having your poem featured this week. **SKAT**

Mark Woods
Date: 8/5/2015 4:21:00 AM

Thank you Skat, bad time to realise I made a very bad grammatical error!

Lindsay Laurie

Date: 8/3/2015 3:35:00 AM

There you go Mark... it's a fallacy. Oysters only work for oysters I reckon... and oyster salesmen. catch you soon - Lindsay

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 7/19/2015 9:09:00 PM

Mark, A nice warm WELCOME to poetry soup. I hope you have fun with this wonderful community. You'll find many friendly poets who are ready to support and give positive feedback. I will enjoy following you and your poetry when you are ready :) We are Lucky To Have you. Enjoy Poetry Soup:) Your New Poet Friend @-> LINDA <-@

Skat A

Date: 7/19/2015 1:30:00 PM

Mark,, a sweet Welcome to Poetry Soup. It will be a delight to read and become familiar with your poems in the future. As for now, I will greet you with the same smile others passed when I first joined the soup. Wishing you and your poetry the best. I hope you get to meet all the nice poets around here STARTING with me- SKAT :-) Please drop a hello and tell me a little about yourself if you wish. I would like to be your newest poetry soup "FRIEND" Hugs* SKAT""

Mark Woods
Date: 7/19/2015 1:49:00 PM

I'm just a fool from the antipodes thats always enjoyed entertaining friends with humor, political views and wee snippets of life.

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 7/18/2015 5:45:00 AM

- With smiles and joy I welcome you to P-Soup, Mark :) - Hope you will find this poem page interesting and post many more poems in the future - Have a great experience together here with us in "the poems world" - I wish you every success - // Anne-Lise :)