There once was a man named Tony
his stories were a bunch of baloney,
though he seemed quite sincere
yet a bit cavalier
because his stories changed every year.
Well funny as this may sound
Tony's friends all gathered round,
for his stories when told
were outrages and bold
quite funny was Tony's baloney!
baloney I say to the latest political ballyhoo
no one gets shot with a high power in Timbuktu
and they get more than an ear scratch if they do
I roll my eyes and scoff at the crazy new ballyhoo
Heavy sigh and moan
There's too much spam on my phone
So leave me alone
artisan bread sliced
I baked on a stone
in a oven medium
on a warm summer day
placed on a stoneware platter white
on a table of butcher block
with the condiments I’d need
to prepare my noon feast
from the deli bought
baloney fresh as can be
on a platter laid out
slices fresh and round
to complement these
from the grocery I got
a tin of bright red
with Ritz crackers filled
with a butter knife spread
mayo pure and white
mustard nice and brown
tart as I like
round slices I did spread
upon the white bread
and covered them all
with crackers mirroring them
rebellion did raise
it’s little ugly head
and swiss slices square
on them I did spread
a second bread slice
to top it all off
to complete my noon feast
now ready to eat
Your counter is my hunting ground
But you get mad and pull me down.
Try leaving that baloney out again.
Pity poor cheap old Adolfo Santiago Minestrone
Gagged on week-old baloney and congealed macaroni
April 22, 2019
Entry in 'An Epitaph to Make us Laugh 2' contest
Sponsor: Jesse Rowe
Man-made Climate change now dogma, must not question nor belie
'Debate is over! close down research! it is heresy to deny'
If that's what we now call science, we've caught an intellectual cold
For it's
"Phoney baloney, plastic banana, good time rock-n-roll"
There was a Wee One called Maloney
Who never ate anything but baloney
He soon came to find
He could no longer climb
Up onto his Shetland pony
Don't dare hang up the phone
Please don't touch that dial
I've got this idea a-brewing
If you'll kindly hear me out
I often have these hunger pains
Throughout my busy day
And seldom find the time to stop
For a meal along the way
So I got my brain juices flowing
And came to this conclusion
Baloney flavored chewing gum
Could be this man's solution
But how to get the flavor
Onto the stick of gum
When it's baloney that I savor
It must be in the rub
So I go buy top shelf baloney
Take the gum from my pocket...
...remove the lint
Rub-a-Dub this grub like in a tub
Then call it baloney peppermint
I'm now on my way to success
Never stopping off for meals
Ain't got time for none of that
In my world of Wheel and Deal
I've now quite the variety of meat
In the daily meals I chew
If you care to call 1-800-Baloney Peppermint
Then you can chew it too
Sung to the tune "Only the Lonely" by Roy Orbison
Yum-Yum-Yum-Yumdy-doo-wah
Ooh-yay-yay-yay-yeah
Oh-oh-oh-oh-wah
Only the Bologna
Only the Bologna
Only Bologna (Yum-Yum-Yum-Yumdy-doo-wah)
Knows I don't need bread tonight (ooh-yay-yay-yay-yeah)
Only the Bologna (yum-yum-yum-yumdy-doo-wah)
A touch of mustard, seems so right (yum-yum-yum-yumdy-doo-wah)
Please hold the mayo
Please hold the cheese
I'm here at the table
and begging you please
It's Oscar
Meyer
For me
Only Bologna
Only Bologna
If I care for a woman, but she doesn’t care for me,
I will just get up and not hesitate to flee.
I will not waste my time with such a phony baloney.
A relationship only works when there is mutual interest.
She has to meet me halfway; or I’ll cross her off my list.
Even if she is the personification of Venus, she won’t be missed.
I have nothing to worry about if the woman I’m with is wrong.
Just like buses and trains on schedule, another one will come along.
Baloney….
Bully others cause by masters strength and poses.
Fall your faces and first to grounds because dirt may good.
Filthy men have nothing pretty only there may be forces and might confer or hired from masters.
China tyrant some with china shysters take the tastes of swine.
China jester out on life is like a snob to live and count.
China flunky henchman wants a lot.
Who will seek their fringe benefits shamelessly?
Things that Indeed are buying also selling tickets but there are illegal fringe benefits. There are cook account books. Credit accounts mixed with some debit one is blend for self interests.
China syllogisms want the real of wars and loot of spoils.
What to fit in china tyrants wishes are evil men with evil acts.
-------------Cheung Shun Sang=Cauchy3----------
Joanie Woanie,
you phony baloney.
When you bake a cake or pie,
why is your price so high?
Your merchandise I can adore,
whenever I am in your store.
However, there is one thing not great,
something that I cannot relate.
Your prices substantially fluctuate.
You can tell Sue and Eddie,
when you have your baked goods ready,
hold your prices steady.
Please listen to this,
if you want to keep my business.
You told my (SISTER IN LAW) (WHAT!!). If you think for one moment I am remotely
interested in that so called (LITTLE MONSTER) you call your (HORSE FROM MARS) (YOU WILL
SEE) you won’t (GET FAR). Ever since your (DIVORCE) you’ve been hinting at having an
(AFFAIR) with me. Listen (4 EYES), I am (FOREVER GONE) from your life. I don’t care if I am
(ONLY IN A DREAM) in your mind, I want to be (LEFT ALONE)! You have to (BELIEVE IN ME)
when I say, I will never be in another (PAINFUL LOVE AFFAIR) just walking around shedding
a (TRAIL OF TEARS). I want to keep a (BEAUTIFUL SMILE) on my face. Your girlfriends
usually wind up (BLACK AND BLUE) in (A LITTLE BIT OF TIME). (AM I) nuts! (AM I??). I know
you aren’t (DEAF) so just change your (ONE DREAM TO ANOTHER) and get the hell out of my
life, (IF YOU PLEASE)! This is (THE FINAL MESSAGE) on this subject!!!
* Narrative inspired by a poets’ poem titles.
The fabulously rich and famous man
is indeed a really admirable somebody;
but if he's not a "we" in the affectionate
circle of anybody, he's a lonesome nobody;
if he belongs not to the "us" in the friendly
heart of someone, he's a solitary no one;
some may say this point of view is passe,
just a lot of loser's sour-graping baloney;
but without true loves and real friends, verily,
one is poor if his only wealth is much money !
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