Best Baloney Poems

You told my (SISTER IN LAW) (WHAT!!). If you think for one moment I am remotely 
interested in that so called (LITTLE MONSTER) you call your (HORSE FROM MARS) (YOU WILL 
SEE) you won’t (GET FAR). Ever since your (DIVORCE) you’ve been hinting at having...

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Sung to the tune "Only the Lonely" by Roy Orbison 


Yum-Yum-Yum-Yumdy-doo-wah 
Ooh-yay-yay-yay-yeah 
Oh-oh-oh-oh-wah
Only the Bologna  
Only the Bologna

Only Bologna (Yum-Yum-Yum-Yumdy-doo-wah)
Knows I don't need bread tonight (ooh-yay-yay-yay-yeah)
Only the Bologna (yum-yum-yum-yumdy-doo-wah)
A touch of mustard, seems so right (yum-yum-yum-yumdy-doo-wah)

Please hold the mayo
Please hold the cheese
I'm here at...

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If I care for a woman, but she doesn’t care for me,
I will just get up and not hesitate to flee.
I will not waste my time with such a phony baloney.
A relationship only works when there is mutual interest.
She has to meet me halfway; or...

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PHONEY BALONEY

They said:
"We've come here from head office, to help you reach your quota 
It's a selfless act on our part and we're going to devote a
Day or two to set you right and get things under control"
I thought:
"Phoney baloney, plastic banana, good time rock-n-roll"

She...

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Baloney….
Bully others cause by masters strength and poses.
Fall your faces and first to grounds because dirt may good.
Filthy men have nothing pretty only there may be forces and might confer or hired from masters.
China tyrant some with china shysters take the tastes of swine.
China jester...

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Joanie Woanie,
you phony baloney.
When you bake a cake or pie,
why is your price so high?
Your merchandise I can adore,
whenever I am in your store.
However, there is one thing not great,
something that I cannot relate.
Your prices substantially fluctuate.
You can tell Sue and Eddie,
when you have your...

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Heavy sigh and moan

There's too much spam on my phone

So leave me alone...

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Don't dare hang up the phone
Please don't touch that dial
I've got this idea a-brewing
If you'll kindly hear me out

I often have these hunger pains 
Throughout my busy day
And seldom find the time to stop
For a meal along the way

So I got my brain juices flowing
And...

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Pity poor cheap old Adolfo Santiago Minestrone
  Gagged on week-old baloney and congealed macaroni


        April 22, 2019
Entry in 'An Epitaph to Make us Laugh 2' contest
     Sponsor:  Jesse Rowe...

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Man-made Climate change now dogma, must not question nor belie
'Debate is over! close down research! it is heresy to deny'
If that's what we now call science, we've caught an intellectual cold
For it's
"Phoney baloney, plastic banana, good time rock-n-roll"...

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There was a Wee One called Maloney
Who never ate anything but baloney
He soon came to find
He could no longer climb
Up onto his Shetland pony...

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The fabulously rich and famous man

is indeed a really admirable somebody;



          but if he's not a "we" in the affectionate

          circle of anybody, he's a lonesome nobody;


...

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(This is a fictional poem)

My wife fed me baloney sandwiches three times a day, seven days a week.
After five years of eating nothing but baloney, it really reeked.
When people said that I was full of baloney, they meant it literally.
After eating over five thousand baloney...

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There once was a man named Tony
his stories were a bunch of baloney,
though he seemed quite sincere
yet a bit cavalier
because his stories changed every year.

Well funny as this may sound
Tony's friends all gathered round,
for his stories when told
were outrages and bold
quite funny was Tony's baloney!...

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Your counter is my hunting ground
But you get mad and pull me down.

              Try leaving that baloney out again....

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