Best Baloney Poems
You told my (SISTER IN LAW) (WHAT!!). If you think for one moment I am remotely
interested in that so called (LITTLE MONSTER) you call your (HORSE FROM MARS) (YOU WILL
SEE) you won’t (GET FAR). Ever since your (DIVORCE) you’ve been hinting at having an
(AFFAIR) with me. Listen (4 EYES), I am (FOREVER GONE) from your life. I don’t care if I am
(ONLY IN A DREAM) in your mind, I want to be (LEFT ALONE)! You have to (BELIEVE IN ME)
when I say, I will never be in another (PAINFUL LOVE AFFAIR) just walking around shedding
a (TRAIL OF TEARS). I want to keep a (BEAUTIFUL SMILE) on my face. Your girlfriends
usually wind up (BLACK AND BLUE) in (A LITTLE BIT OF TIME). (AM I) nuts! (AM I??). I know
you aren’t (DEAF) so just change your (ONE DREAM TO ANOTHER) and get the hell out of my
life, (IF YOU PLEASE)! This is (THE FINAL MESSAGE) on this subject!!!
* Narrative inspired by a poets’ poem titles.
Sung to the tune "Only the Lonely" by Roy Orbison
Yum-Yum-Yum-Yumdy-doo-wah
Ooh-yay-yay-yay-yeah
Oh-oh-oh-oh-wah
Only the Bologna
Only the Bologna
Only Bologna (Yum-Yum-Yum-Yumdy-doo-wah)
Knows I don't need bread tonight (ooh-yay-yay-yay-yeah)
Only the Bologna (yum-yum-yum-yumdy-doo-wah)
A touch of mustard, seems so right (yum-yum-yum-yumdy-doo-wah)
Please hold the mayo
Please hold the cheese
I'm here at the table
and begging you please
It's Oscar
Meyer
For me
Only Bologna
Only Bologna
If I care for a woman, but she doesn’t care for me,
I will just get up and not hesitate to flee.
I will not waste my time with such a phony baloney.
A relationship only works when there is mutual interest.
She has to meet me halfway; or I’ll cross her off my list.
Even if she is the personification of Venus, she won’t be missed.
I have nothing to worry about if the woman I’m with is wrong.
Just like buses and trains on schedule, another one will come along.
PHONEY BALONEY
They said:
"We've come here from head office, to help you reach your quota
It's a selfless act on our part and we're going to devote a
Day or two to set you right and get things under control"
I thought:
"Phoney baloney, plastic banana, good time rock-n-roll"
She said:
"This new law will be wonderful if we can only get it passed
Then we'll find out what is in it that makes it such a blast
It's far too complicated for the likes of you poor souls"
Aw!
"Phoney baloney, plastic banana, good time rock-n-roll"
The President was so clever he'd make fundamental change
Transform his 'evil' country, redistribute, rearrange
Take from those who had succeeded, hand it all out in a dole
Clever?
"Phoney baloney, plastic banana, good time rock-n-roll"
It was spread across front pages, it was broadcast on the wind
One week later on the back page in small print was the rescind
If we accept it all then maybe we'll believe anything we're told
Though it's
"Phoney baloney, plastic banana, good time rock-n-roll"
Galileo had a problem in reporting what he saw
Church had faith that it knew better, and those days controlled the law
Signor Galilei was persuaded his integrity had to fold
Gave in to:
"Phoney baloney, plastic banana, good time rock-n-roll"
Man-made Climate change now dogma we must not question nor belie
'Debate is over! close down research! it is heresy to deny'
If that's what we now call science, we've caught an intellectual cold
For it's
"Phoney baloney, plastic banana, good time rock-n-roll"
So have care with what's accepted and what 'everybody knows'
Observe and make your own judgement; don't fear majority to oppose
Be an 'Enemy of the people' * if that's where integrity leads; don't condole
"P B P B G T R & R"
[The PBPBGTR&R refrain in these verses was inspired by the great Rush Limbaugh who tickled my auditory synapses with its use.]
* Ref. Ibsen play
Baloney….
Bully others cause by masters strength and poses.
Fall your faces and first to grounds because dirt may good.
Filthy men have nothing pretty only there may be forces and might confer or hired from masters.
China tyrant some with china shysters take the tastes of swine.
China jester out on life is like a snob to live and count.
China flunky henchman wants a lot.
Who will seek their fringe benefits shamelessly?
Things that Indeed are buying also selling tickets but there are illegal fringe benefits. There are cook account books. Credit accounts mixed with some debit one is blend for self interests.
China syllogisms want the real of wars and loot of spoils.
What to fit in china tyrants wishes are evil men with evil acts.
-------------Cheung Shun Sang=Cauchy3----------
Joanie Woanie,
you phony baloney.
When you bake a cake or pie,
why is your price so high?
Your merchandise I can adore,
whenever I am in your store.
However, there is one thing not great,
something that I cannot relate.
Your prices substantially fluctuate.
You can tell Sue and Eddie,
when you have your baked goods ready,
hold your prices steady.
Please listen to this,
if you want to keep my business.
Your counter is my hunting ground
But you get mad and pull me down.
Try leaving that baloney out again.
Heavy sigh and moan
There's too much spam on my phone
So leave me alone
Don't dare hang up the phone
Please don't touch that dial
I've got this idea a-brewing
If you'll kindly hear me out
I often have these hunger pains
Throughout my busy day
And seldom find the time to stop
For a meal along the way
So I got my brain juices flowing
And came to this conclusion
Baloney flavored chewing gum
Could be this man's solution
But how to get the flavor
Onto the stick of gum
When it's baloney that I savor
It must be in the rub
So I go buy top shelf baloney
Take the gum from my pocket...
...remove the lint
Rub-a-Dub this grub like in a tub
Then call it baloney peppermint
I'm now on my way to success
Never stopping off for meals
Ain't got time for none of that
In my world of Wheel and Deal
I've now quite the variety of meat
In the daily meals I chew
If you care to call 1-800-Baloney Peppermint
Then you can chew it too
Pity poor cheap old Adolfo Santiago Minestrone
Gagged on week-old baloney and congealed macaroni
April 22, 2019
Entry in 'An Epitaph to Make us Laugh 2' contest
Sponsor: Jesse Rowe
There was a Wee One called Maloney
Who never ate anything but baloney
He soon came to find
He could no longer climb
Up onto his Shetland pony
Man-made Climate change now dogma, must not question nor belie
'Debate is over! close down research! it is heresy to deny'
If that's what we now call science, we've caught an intellectual cold
For it's
"Phoney baloney, plastic banana, good time rock-n-roll"
The fabulously rich and famous man
is indeed a really admirable somebody;
but if he's not a "we" in the affectionate
circle of anybody, he's a lonesome nobody;
if he belongs not to the "us" in the friendly
heart of someone, he's a solitary no one;
some may say this point of view is passe,
just a lot of loser's sour-graping baloney;
but without true loves and real friends, verily,
one is poor if his only wealth is much money !
(This is a fictional poem)
My wife fed me baloney sandwiches three times a day, seven days a week.
After five years of eating nothing but baloney, it really reeked.
When people said that I was full of baloney, they meant it literally.
After eating over five thousand baloney sandwiches, it sickened me.
I divorced her and married somebody else but all she ever serves is peas.
Someone shoot me please.
There once was a man named Tony
his stories were a bunch of baloney,
though he seemed quite sincere
yet a bit cavalier
because his stories changed every year.
Well funny as this may sound
Tony's friends all gathered round,
for his stories when told
were outrages and bold
quite funny was Tony's baloney!