swimming
like lobotomized fish
in a psychiatric pond.
following to follow—
not following to lead.
following the leader,
following like sheep.
the pied piper
always made
such a fine shepherd
for those
who don’t
think.
Jumbled and distractedly jarred,
I awoke beside myself like a wraith,
a spectator to my primal confusion,
hamstrung by the goddess Chaos,
psychotic and frightfully broken.
Drifting through scrambled shrapnel,
a witness to my scrappy scrabble salads
chasing my fleeting thoughts.
I was an ineffectual phantom weeping
wounded windswept in the rain,
a helpless hapless harlequin of shadows
in perpetual refrain.
Months passed while doctors pondered me,
I compressed moments into kaleidoscopic disarray.
My immediacy overruled past and future; and
all spacial orientation collapsed. I watched my
decline like a desperate specter, never seeing
how I could exit my vertigo maze.
But as abrupt as it began, it inexplicably stopped.
I was engulfed by luminous morning,
A bystander to my maelstrom no longer,
I arose astonished in tearful release
to a world of deeper textures
and fevered passions,
to this world where I am no longer
beside myself.
Christmas Eve
a psychotic episode
crashes the party
Idiotic Preliminary to Psychotic
What some may need is an antibiotic;
For things they did do that are idiotic;
Must take care,
Here and there;
We presume is first stage for psychotic.
Jim Horn
The moon rises
Through the darkness
Stars appear
Twinkling I’m the vastness
I close my eyes
Shutting them out
I lay down
My head
On a pillow of horror
It never lets me rest
My thoughts
Keep me awake
Jolting means I start to drift
Away
My mind seems to be warning me
Of nightmares
But really
That’s what I’m trying
To escape
I can’t leave
But I know
I very well can’t stay
Or these thoughts and memories
Will consume me
And my sanity
Midnight comes
With no sound
Except for the screaming in my head
Nobody is awake
To save me
From this
Finally my thoughts recede
Giving me
Seconds
Of mercy
Tears
Dry on me
As I fall
Asleep
The Glitter and glint of blood on blade
The horror and pain my slicing made
I stand in the shadows, then I make my move
My darkness of soul has a point to prove
The hapless victim, a passer by
Their innocence a simple lie
Knees buckle, the blood drains away
Their weakness inside allows me to play.
I see their souls as I peer deep inside
I see their darkness, it cannot hide
Innocent? No, they’re tainted deep down
I send them to hell, in satan’s pit they’ll drown
They say i’m mad. They say i’m insane
They don’t understand my actions are plain
I cleanse the streets as I see their despair.
Their demons inside, I see them laid bare.
The blade that I carry is a weapon held true
I cut them so deep, I plunge it straight through.
I am NOT mad, I’m as sane as can be.
These fools, they no nothing. They should be thanking me.
I’m evil they say, I kill without thought?
But, alas it’s untrue. My lesson is taught.
The devil appears, he shows whom he taints.
I am God’s warrior. I am Heaven’s Saint.
Given a chance to live my bad dreams
I'd like to break the law of the man
Living absolute freedom
Like there's no life waiting tomorrow
Sick of the same old routines
I want to relinquish my dark side
To see how far I can be an evil
In a place where there are limitations
If breaking the rules is not bad at all
I'd like to be a phenomenal culprit
I'd like to lie all the time
Steal precious gold that are not mine
Kill my own race with a piece of knife
Till my world becomes an oceanic blood
If nightmares do come true
I'd be the first person to feel the thrill
Because play time is over
I'd want to make my own game
LeiStrauss2017
Trump Psychotic and Neurotic
Word was either absurd or paradoxical
Far from consistent or also methodical
Not feeling permanently put in place
But with wild hair and a foolish face.
If he set good example and did compare
Trump would soon realize everywhere
People are all likeable and very friendly
Even those young or old and spindly.
Why is it that Trump can seem so crass?
And then end up being big horse's ass
Disheveled, disorganized, thin-skinned
When into crowd should start to blend.
Good old Trump enjoys going ballistic
And a nincompoop who is narcissistic
With a big ego and blatantly erotic
Classified as psychotic and neurotic.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
http://www.salon.com/2011/05/03/donald_trump_wharton/
In my head, things aren’t always right,
Darkness looms, threatening to cover the light.
There was a time, when all was muddled and completely askew,
The madness reigned, constantly recreating itself anew.
At times I thought my mind was connected, to everyone in the world,
Their hopes, dreams and fears, all connected to me, completely unfurled.
I felt I could speak to others, by projecting my thoughts,
I lived in a fantasy world, my sanity forgot.
I knew I was the savior reborn, here to right the wrongs,
I was secret agent to the world, but for my power, evil would not be long.
Today my mind is mostly calm, the voices receded,
The occasional delusional pattern tries to be seeded.
When my mind was lost, it was then that I truly found myself,
For when the sanity returned, the old me was put on the shelf.
One cannot always see the struggle within us,
In our minds we are not always master, despite all the fuss!
I talk to myself in many voices
Having conversations with myself
Answering my own questions
Thinking it is something else
The mind can play tricks
If you let it
It can convince you of anything
The conscious and subconscious mind
At times feels separate
From each other
Not connecting as well as it could be
A detachment from the brain
Lost in translations
Of many conversations
To feel safe and calm
Within oneself
The fear of losing yourself
When no one hears or believes you
Feelings and thoughts
Put on a dusty shelf
Not everything is clear
But I am totally aware
Of what is going on
Many layers of words
Coming out of nowhere
Can scare the mind into submission
Eating pieces away of your soul
Losing control
Feeling all alone
In your psychotic turmoil
Who will be there in the end
If I go numb and cannot see
Love me as I am
Or set me free to be me
We drove for hours with no motel in sight
We rejoiced to see the vacancy light
Bates Motel seemed deserted
Its manager perverted
At least we had a bed to spend the night
He gave us the key to room number one
Suggested a shower would be such fun
He'd an Oedipus complex
And we suspected his tricks
So before Norman returned we were gone
Vacation Humor Contest
7/19/14
So overwhelmed in my Mind's bleak realm;
A mental dungeon where I am bludgeoned...
I lose control; release the helm-
(I have no strength; can barely function)
Beguiled by trials, my thoughts defiled-
Trying tortures, they compound- compile!
I lament this long torment,
And ponder if the pain's worthwhile
Etched upon each vein,
tightly bound within,
stench of decay begins.
Innocent minds lost,
sink drown in my bloody misery.
Silent screams mouthed,
as muted tongues gag,
each second utter agony.
Swirls of fear,
twist round their thoughts,
cutting jagged into sanity.
Once delicious gore maims their trust,
i bask in the pure decadence,
of their completed insanity.
For where demons tread,
their path I follow,
inflicting psychotic delusions,
on those that would not bow.
I’m being sucked into the void of darkness
Another trip into the realms of hell
Doctor’s magic formulas cease to be recognised
As swirling mists descend on my brain
As the depression deepens
Psychotic thoughts and abnormal behaviour patterns begin to appear
Spreading like a mischievous threatening epidemic
The fight begins between the irrational and rational
Like a battle between Gods angels and Satan’s demons
Negativity intrusion feels so strong and wild
Positivity is left weak and lost in sorrow
This inner war is nearing an end
The thoughts of darkness begin to mock and rejoice
As self awareness weakens and is ready to surrender
Psychotic Depression is triumphant once more
Then the time comes in my life, a turning point of power
A witness to a new life of my pure angel born
My first tear of happiness in a life lacking in positive emotion
This is my killer of Depression and Rise of the Psychotic
Conflict evaporates into insignificant pieces
For how long, who can be sure?
But for now my battle is won
Yet the war may rage on in time as fragments of pain still ponder inside
a psychotic mind
can manipulate itself
all hours of the day
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