Long Viagra Poems

“ANTE BELLUM”


BEIGEBest served where it can’t be seen
On Stirling Silver platters
With redruM narcotics
Delivered by sharp Blood-Red
Well-mannered talons
Strutting in sleek wet rolling tight-skirted
Long French Silk Stockinged legs all the way down to 
Lethal Six Inch stilettos...

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SNOW BIRDS HAVE A WHOLE NEW MEANING MASSIVE CRIMINAL CONVOYS TARGETING SENIORS THE CONVOY OF HASTE CORRUPT DRUG DEALERS ARRIVE TO FLORIDA TARGETING SENIOR COMMUNITIES TARGETING DISABLED AMERICANS MOSTLY VETERANS THIS CRIMINAL GROUP COMMITING HOME...

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I'VE IN CONSTANT CONTACT WITH EHE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION SINCE 1985 I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO FEAR OF CORRUPTION BRUTALITY ABUSE OF POWER INTIMATION NO FEAR OF BULLYING ANGRY THAT THE REPEAT VIOLENT MEXICAN GANG...

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Ted’s libido has now gone astray
He refused a quick roll in the hay
So what could be the cause -   
It’s the male menopause   
He’s been grumpy and snappy all day!
 
His...

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Fires at a blue pills lab threw up a cloud
Settling over the town like a great shroud
And this gigantic mushroom 
Created a baby boom
Because all of the men were very proud...

Tom Cunningham 

It’s no wonder...

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The game of chance karnolfell 
the trickster deal the threats 
by passing the little Carnes 
folk crawling into a Volkswagen 
chanting cackling mud wrestling 
spooning the Joker finally faced down 
calls in a favour from...

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YOU CLAIM TO BE ACE ROTHSTEIN A BOSS
COMMITING HIEST ON DISABLED ELDERLY 
PERSONS BREAKING INTO MOBLE HOME 
GOLF CARTS AND MEDICATION BOXES 
RETRIEVING ANTIDEPRESSANTS HIGH 
BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICINES HEART 

MEDICINES AND VIAGRA PUSHING THESE 
MEDICATIONS...

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from press confounding conférences                               ...

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AN APPOINTMENT WITH DR. VIAGRA

Husband: Honey, I consulted a doctor before using this product and my erection has lasted four or more hours so I guess I'm going to have to seek immediate medical attention
Wife:...

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*This was written as a novelty Christmas song, so feel free to sing along.

Santa Claus is trying to break our Union
    but we won't go down without a fight.
So we've called a...

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lover! lover! lover!

you think human heart 
is an open page, 
a requiem to be read 
at leisure? 
or you think it a black hole,
impenetrable thick darkness
to peep through? 

what is essential to the heart 
is...

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A tribute to the late, great Victoria Wood x

Arthur and Mandy sat one night
When he gave her a dreadful fright
Ripped off his jumper revealed his string vest
Showing snippets of his hairy chest
He looked at her...

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I’ve mucked around when drinking beer like many other blokes,
who love to be involved when playing silly nonsense jokes.
It’s great to see a ‘bunny’ puzzled and completely unaware
that pranksters are around him, but he doesn’t...

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Why couldn't the lizard get married and have children?
Because he had Reptile Dysfunction.

Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra.
The police put out an alert, to be on the lookout for...

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He's packin' magic Viagra
Muse infused grooves set the mood
grab ya' and stab ya' 
we're opposites 
still we speak the same language 
teach and preach truth
every time I stop to see what he's droppin' 
my dang...

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This Holiday collaboration is brought to you from Carolyn Devonshire and Tony Lane. Carolyn wrote all of the even stanzas and I wrote all of the very odd ones. 

I was driving the interstate while...

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(*)v(*)       (*)v(*)       (*)v(*)       (*)v(*)       (*)v(*)
      ...

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It has become painfully obvious that the only way to be heard
is to pay through the nose to be a lifetime nerd,
the way to be read in on this sight 
is to pay through the...

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Here’s what I’m thinking now 
at the end of the world: 

There are no atheists in foxholes— 
no theists in politics. 
If knowledge is power, 
and power corrupts, 
then why did I bother reading you,...

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One evening Bob nervously said
I kinda like three in a bed
She said I’ve got friends
And each of them tends
To share the desires in your head

The next night as had been arranged
His ankles and hands were...

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Des had been my neighbour now for nigh on close to twenty years,
And from a humble retiree back then, old age so quickly nears.
His wife passed away ten years ago, so Des lived on his...

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John Wulf, with his funny Limerick antics  telling funny hilarious stories,

“viagraology

There once was a medical study
of things flapping flaccid like putty
those men given placebo
couldn’t enter gazebo
it drove the poor fellas plumb nutty

Copyright © 2015John...

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A winery had a failure; a batch of wine is crook.
Those looking for a buyer, now don’t have to look,
for the vintage that is offered, hidden out of sight,
in a mystery went missing, from the...

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Upside Down World

The great man and conjurer of poetic license sat behind
                       ...

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Woke up this morning
With news headlines spawning
I do not know if it's winter yet
Because of old age I often forget
Got to realise how weird it is
When I can brush my teeth
And scratch my nose
But try...

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