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THE MALE MENOPAUSE - please feel free to join in the collaboration

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Ted’s libido has now gone astray He refused a quick roll in the hay So what could be the cause - It’s the male menopause He’s been grumpy and snappy all day! His testosterone levels have dropped Many Viagra pills he has popped He drops one in his tea It will keep his cookie Standing up straight whenever it flopped By jingo, Ted’s put on so much weight It’s not down to the lunches he ate His once perfect tush Has now turned to mush Ted should diet before it’s too late His middle aged paunch has been spreading Can’t fit in the suit from his wedding He once was so hot Now he’s gone to pot And now I hear he wets his bedding Ted’s developing male breasts, I see So I renamed them "moobies," tee hee They stick out so far He needs a 'man bra' If measured - he’d be bigger than me! Ted’s losing all the hair on his head (It’s sprouting from his nostrils instead) With long hairs in his ear Poor Ted can hardly hear And he braids it when he goes to bed BY JAN ALLISON 8/4/18 Mister T has trouble finding his ding dong I have to laugh even though I know it's wrong He's nothing but a wimp Now that his parts are limp Bet he knows where it all started to go wrong WRITTEN BY LIN LANE Ted is anxiously awaiting his date A beautiful blond he met out of state took blue pills from his pocket to help rev up his rocket but he wonders if she would rather wait WRITTEN BY TANIA KITCHIN "I'm so sorry". Apologised Ted To his wife, as they lay in their bed It's not you that's the cause It's that male menopause "Do you fancy a cocoa instead". WRITTEN BY RICHARD D SEAL Well the doc said “you need exercise”, So it’s football today with the guys, Roger yells “on me head!” “Well I could do,” says Ted, “What’s the point though, when everything dies?” WRITTEN BY NINA PARMENTER That male menopause can be iffy, do more than just cost you your stiffy. You've no more will to jerk; it's just way to much work, but you'll write new haiku in a jiffy! WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART Ted had a problem didn't know the cause his mate told him it's the manopause advised him to see Bill to purchase a blue pill Bill said this will amuse her indoors Ted asked his wife not to sneer or mock when he told her it was such a shock he had tried a blue pill to give her a big thrill worked too well its now a stumbling block. WRITTEN BY ROY PETT She burst into the room and caught Ted lying naked, aroused on the bed thought that she was the reason that he was now 'in season' not brochures for a new garden shed WRITTEN BY VIV WIGLEY There a was guy named Ted,that was cool He would make all the young ladies drool Now he’s married and limp And he resembles a blimp The “lift” tanked and the Mrs thinks his a fool WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y The male menopause caught up with old Ted He's no longer the stallion in bed But now he takes a little pill Before he goes in for the kill Now his poor wife just lays there full of dread WRITTEN BY TOM CUNNINGHAM Ted used to be good in the sack. `Til he started smoking that crack. Now his wife`s had enough and she`s left in a huff and picked up a spare with Jack. WRITTEN BY CHARLIE KNOWLTON His wife asked, "Ted what's the cause" He replied, "tis the male menopause, I was embarrassed to mention It won't stand to attention" I'm afraid you've been clutching at straws." WRITTEN BY GARY SMITH Ted loved his "kit-and-kaboodle", Kept it clipped like a champion poodle But a glitch in his gland ... Meant the thing wouldn't stand So it hung from his gut ... like a noodle. WRITTEN BY GREGORY R BARDEN
IF YOU WANT TO JOIN IN THE FUN PLEASE SOUP MAIL ME ANY POEMS TO BE ADDED

Copyright © | Year Posted 2018




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Date: 8/15/2018 10:56:00 PM
This is wonderful, Jan - I'm laughing still and re-reading multiples, lol. I'm going to send you my slightly altered recent Limerick that came in a dream, cuz it fits the theme here, I think, (if not, please just leave it off the list). Thank you for some much-needed chuckles - you are Poetry Soup's Resident Queen of Joy and Happiness! :-) <3
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/16/2018 1:34:00 AM
Thanks so much Greg, have added the poem on. I'm delighted poems are still being added and its proof that there is room on soup for humour as well as serious poems:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/14/2018 2:38:00 PM
You're all hilarious ;D xomo!
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/15/2018 3:02:00 AM
Cheers Mo:-) I was delighted so many super soupers joined in the fun, hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/13/2018 4:27:00 PM
Tom's pizza begat Pisa Pole So poor Tom went back on the dole No need for a fuss For Father Christmas Delivers blue pills (no more coal)!
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/15/2018 3:00:00 AM
lol Rico:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/13/2018 3:23:00 PM
Congratulations Jan, and fellow collaborators, on your well deserved recognition with POTW honors for this hilarious collection of limericks. Thanks for the joy and the smiles.. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/15/2018 2:55:00 AM
Glad we made you smile Susan:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/13/2018 1:18:00 PM
You can add: https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/pinch_an_ear_868544 if you think it fits! Aloha! Rico
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/15/2018 2:54:00 AM
Its very witty Rico but doesn't fit the limerick form so i won't add it to this collaboration:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/12/2018 10:56:00 PM
Congratulations on POTW, Jan and all! These are hilarious. Have read to hubby and we have laughed till tears and/or sides hurt. Thanks to you all! :)
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/13/2018 2:48:00 AM
Thanks Susan so glad the poems made you laugh - I had such fun seeing each poem that was to be added:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 8/12/2018 6:05:00 PM
I think these limerick collaborations are an absolute hoot Jan :)
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/12/2018 6:09:00 PM
Thanks for joining in the fun Gary I have had such fun reading the limericks which were added to the initial poems:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/12/2018 5:19:00 PM
Congratulations on your well deserved POTW Jan, I would like to thank you for inspiring and thank Lin for her encouragement. :))
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/12/2018 5:25:00 PM
Thanks for joining in the fun Roy the additional poems were so funny and it was lovely to add on Gary's only yesterday:-) so lovely to bring a bit of fun to the site:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/12/2018 2:54:00 PM
Long live the Queen and her fellow limerickers.
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/12/2018 2:57:00 PM
I'll drink to that Tom!!! Such a fun collaboration and it would never have happened without Lin instigating that first poem:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 8/12/2018 2:30:00 PM
You always manage to turn any sour lemons into sweet lemonade Jan. I am so happy to see this poetic treat and collaboration honored as POTW! Congratulations my friend. I loved your limerick series! : )
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/12/2018 2:32:00 PM
I'm indebted to Lin for suggesting the collaboration Connie and I am just delighted so many people took time to have a little fun, it can be so lacking in life and on soup and I just try and make folks smile:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 8/12/2018 12:14:00 PM
Dear Jan, "Some people" may find fault with your writings, and/or the fact that they become potd or potw, but you bring smiles to the faces of many PS poets with your words and by inviting others to join in the fun. You unite people, while those who complain about your limericks and other poetic writes only bring negativity to the site, and there's far too much of that already.
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Tom Cunningham
Date: 8/12/2018 2:53:00 PM
Well said Lin
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/12/2018 12:34:00 PM
Thanks Lin and thanks for starting the collaboration in the first place. I am so delighted so many people have joined in the fun and as for some folk finding fault with my writing there is a simple answer to that, they don't have to read it or comment:-) One thing for sure I am here to stay:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/11/2018 4:08:00 PM
Been having a right laugh reading all these :)
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/11/2018 4:14:00 PM
aren't they hilarious Gary i love it when one of my silly ideas turns into a collaboration, thanks for joining in the fun:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/6/2018 9:11:00 PM
What an hilarious group of limericks. Poor old Ted's sex life plastered by everyone appears to be a Viagra add - thanks Jan and all your assistants - great - Lindsay
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/7/2018 4:54:00 AM
always room for more Lindsay do join in the fun!!:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/5/2018 8:58:00 PM
What can I possibly add that hasn't been added (better) already? Hilarious, delirious idea, Jan. Bravo!! ~ gw
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/6/2018 2:57:00 AM
I am sure you can think of something GW lol:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/5/2018 12:43:00 PM
Hi Jan, This is halirious.Great take on male menopause I'm so glad that I could join in the fun:-) Alexis
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/5/2018 12:45:00 PM
Thanks Alexis I have loved all the poems that have been added:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/5/2018 10:01:00 AM
LOL, a great set of limericks here - poor Ted!
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/5/2018 11:12:00 AM
Join in Jack there is room for more - Tom is going to be adding his lines :-) hugs jan xx
Date: 8/5/2018 8:20:00 AM
What a collection of howler's Jan, I'm working on it. Heads a bit fuzzy lol.
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/5/2018 8:22:00 AM
Glad you had a great time yesterday:-) :-) mail me your poem there is no rush, its just great to see folks having fun and without the collab these poems would probably never have been written:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/5/2018 6:28:00 AM
I LOVE the additions to this! “iffy” and “stiffy” is a dream rhyme!!! As for “stumbling block”... hilarious.
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/5/2018 7:59:00 AM
I have laughed so much at the additions Nina and agree those rhymes are super:-) Its just fabulous that people join in and have fun which is so lacking on the site at times:-( hugs jan xx
Date: 8/5/2018 5:09:00 AM
Absolutely brilliant Jan, you are such an inspiration, I don’t think I’m there yet but I’ve been admiring a sports car??? Lol. :))
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/5/2018 7:58:00 AM
Looking at a car is fine as long as you don't trade your spouse in for a younger model I think you are OK Roy lol:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/4/2018 7:27:00 PM
"He once was so hot Now he’s gone to pot" that about sums it up Jan. Thank you for the laughs....I enjoyed all of them from others too! : )
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/4/2018 7:36:00 PM
I couldn't resist Connie lol:-) do add a verse if your muse is willing and i'll add it to the poem lol:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 8/4/2018 7:12:00 PM
Ha Ha, I hope I can avoid this affliction, all I need is a little bit of friction to help with my Dic--tion...
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/4/2018 7:35:00 PM
ha ha ha thanks Rick:-) just a bit of fun and the additional poems have been awesome:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 8/4/2018 4:39:00 PM
Your last stanza...it's hard to take...I think I better get some treatment before it's too late...Nice write Jan
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/4/2018 4:47:00 PM
lol Arturo:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/4/2018 4:21:00 PM
So funnny!!!!
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/4/2018 4:29:00 PM
Read Lin's and Tania's poems - wish I'd written them lol
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/4/2018 4:24:00 PM
I got 2 new limerick poems out of one snide comment Arthur so I am happy!!!:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/4/2018 4:13:00 PM
Poor Tom needs an intervention
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/4/2018 4:18:00 PM
ha ha ha:-) Its a collaboration now Tim,please send me your lines if you have time lol hugs Jan xx
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Lin Lane
Date: 8/4/2018 4:16:00 PM
I love you for writing that, Tim. Oh heck, I loved you before that!
Date: 8/4/2018 3:45:00 PM
LOL With his "moobies," Ted probably won't be entering any wet T-shirt contests. Very funny, Jan! Hugs, Carolyn
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 8/4/2018 3:54:00 PM
ha ha ha perish the thought Carolyn!:-) hugs Jan xx
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