The Male Menopause - Please Feel Free To Join In the Collaboration
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Ted’s libido has now gone astray
He refused a quick roll in the hay
So what could be the cause -
It’s the male menopause
He’s been grumpy and snappy all day!
His testosterone levels have dropped
Many Viagra pills he has popped
He drops one in his tea
It will keep his cookie
Standing up straight whenever it flopped
By jingo, Ted’s put on so much weight
It’s not down to the lunches he ate
His once perfect tush
Has now turned to mush
Ted should diet before it’s too late
His middle aged paunch has been spreading
Can’t fit in the suit from his wedding
He once was so hot
Now he’s gone to pot
And now I hear he wets his bedding
Ted’s developing male breasts, I see
So I renamed them "moobies," tee hee
They stick out so far
He needs a 'man bra'
If measured - he’d be bigger than me!
Ted’s losing all the hair on his head
(It’s sprouting from his nostrils instead)
With long hairs in his ear
Poor Ted can hardly hear
And he braids it when he goes to bed
BY JAN ALLISON
Mister T has trouble finding his ding dong
I have to laugh even though I know it's wrong
He's nothing but a wimp
Now that his parts are limp
Bet he knows where it all started to go wrong
WRITTEN BY LIN LANE
Ted is anxiously awaiting his date
A beautiful blond he met out of state
took blue pills from his pocket
to help rev up his rocket
but he wonders if she would rather wait
WRITTEN BY TANIA KITCHIN
"I'm so sorry". Apologised Ted
To his wife, as they lay in their bed
It's not you that's the cause
It's that male menopause
"Do you fancy a cocoa instead".
WRITTEN BY RICHARD D SEAL
Well the doc said “you need exercise”,
So it’s football today with the guys,
Roger yells “on me head!”
“Well I could do,” says Ted,
“What’s the point though, when everything dies?”
WRITTEN BY NINA PARMENTER
That male menopause can be iffy,
do more than just cost you your stiffy.
You've no more will to jerk;
it's just way to much work,
but you'll write new haiku in a jiffy!
WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART
Ted had a problem didn't know the cause
his mate told him it's the manopause
advised him to see Bill
to purchase a blue pill
Bill said this will amuse her indoors
Ted asked his wife not to sneer or mock
when he told her it was such a shock
he had tried a blue pill
to give her a big thrill
worked too well its now a stumbling block.
WRITTEN BY ROY PETT
She burst into the room and caught Ted
lying naked, aroused on the bed
thought that she was the reason
that he was now 'in season'
not brochures for a new garden shed
WRITTEN BY VIV WIGLEY
There a was guy named Ted,that was cool
He would make all the young ladies drool
Now he’s married and limp
And he resembles a blimp
The “lift” tanked and the Mrs thinks his a fool
WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y
The male menopause caught up with old Ted
He's no longer the stallion in bed
But now he takes a little pill
Before he goes in for the kill
Now his poor wife just lays there full of dread
WRITTEN BY TOM CUNNINGHAM
Ted used to be good in the sack.
`Til he started smoking that crack.
Now his wife`s had enough
and she`s left in a huff
and picked up a spare with Jack.
WRITTEN BY CHARLIE KNOWLTON
His wife asked, "Ted what's the cause"
He replied, "tis the male menopause,
I was embarrassed to mention
It won't stand to attention"
I'm afraid you've been clutching at straws."
WRITTEN BY GARY SMITH
Ted loved his "kit-and-kaboodle",
Kept it clipped like a champion poodle
But a glitch in his gland ...
Meant the thing wouldn't stand
So it hung from his gut ... like a noodle.
WRITTEN BY GREGORY R BARDEN
When in the mood the wife would give the wink
Immediately Ted’s poor heart would sink
His legendary male pride
To the occasion can’t rise
Ted thinks it’s menopause that’s caused the shrink
WRITTEN BY BELLE BELELVUE
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Copyright © Jan Allison | Year Posted 2018
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