There's a storm in my heart
It has tattooed scars on my soul
I have seen the ugly face of a wound
It reeked bitterness
And in the cold dark pain
I felt something die inside me
Now I carry the carcass of dream
My hopes have deserted me
To crown me king of sorrow
My kingdom is brokenness
Pieces of me lie shattered and bruised
I have no song and no dance
I have become a forlorn statue
Time scorns at my disappointments
There is a part of me that no longer cries
It is buried deep inside gloom
I have become stone and desert
And when the arid winds blow
I cringe like a wounded animal
And howl in pain
You loved...
You loved the silence and the empty screen.
You loved a guy, enough to wait on him for weeks.
Waiting for a simple message
to ease the longing your aching heart feels.
Waiting for “I love you”
to quiet your fears.
And it was hard...
hard not to break beneath your thoughts.
So, when your heart would ache,
you'd hide.
Hide behind the memories
of words you only once read.
Hide behind the hope
that all of it was soon to end.
And you'd wait...
for the moment you'd be found,
by the one
who had your heart in his hands.
Clouded twilight, betwixt, I loom,
cast solemn eyes across the gloom,
black waters rise, no stars, no moon,
reflective of my ending soon.
I glare into this lifeless void,
plagued in life, by those who toyed,
upon my heart, hope now devoid,
all future dreams, once had, destroyed.
Spring blossom sinks, in dimming light,
my future fate, feels sealed tonight.
For ponder I, back to that night,
I failed to save that woman's life.
For now, the circle, nears complete,
I tell myself, 'accept defeat'.
Let go, of stone, plunge fifty feet,
into dark waters, now retreat.
Yet still, my mind, such discourse flows,
the endless noise of thousand woes,
the squawking buzzard, murd'rous crows;
'Do all such things, count me as foe?'
Utter darkness, betwixt, I loom,
cast solemn eyes across the gloom,
black waters rise, no stars, no moon,
reflective of my ending soon.
05/23/2026 (first penned)
Everything off, unsaveable dream and past
What can a lonely soul do? What a poor!
– And this is just the beginning of the end
Pain. Hmm. An open brain, a crashed mind
So many attacks, destroyed self-protection
– And this is just the beginning of the end
Devils keep up this life, Jesus sees this life
Not his mistake, loved teacher. I love you
– And this is just the beginning of the end
No way. But there is. Who can help? Who?
Live in this spiritual gap! Oh, I need my hell!
– And this is just the beginning of the end
No time, no chance. I want to live and die
To the new. For the new life. Where is that?
– And this is just the beginning of the end
I am out of my mind. No idea who drives
This is the gift from Life. Destructive life
– And this is just the beginning of the end
Demons, evils, caring for this hellish time
This time is my fate, A difficult, dense web
– And this is just the beginning of the end
No way, dying hope, life is a labyrinth, gray
So many options, all of them just illusions
– Hopeless life, willing desire, end of life
End of life? Yes. How?
New life. How? This is the end
Hmm. Life is turned back
Years of addiction has definitely taken
a toll
I’m not even sure when I actually lost
control
The constant scheming to get what
I need
With the sting of the needle I instantly
I felt freed
That feeling didn’t last very long
at all
Before I knew it I was making
another call
All my bridges I left broken and
burned
This hell I’m living I’ve definitely
earned
Isolation became the only thing
that I knew
Sticking a needle in my arm was the
only way to get through
I’m now left with tracks and there was
never a train
The wild beast of addiction I still can’t
contain
I’m broken and my life I’ve throw
away
I’m nothing but an addict what more
can i say
The birds always have a song to sing
And the wind rushing through the leaves produces a sweet melody
The sound of footsteps tap to a rhythm that many don't notice
And even my own heart has a beat that lives and breathes with me
But them who am I without a song?
Longing to join the chorus but I'm somehow always wrong
My voice dreams to be heard and my mind wishes to be free
But unlike the birds,
I have never found my song to sing
No melody to ring and no rhythm to hold steady
I pray one day I'll find my tune and hope the world is ready
Hopeless Desire
The love far, staying away from my heart
Away, away, the desire, love is so far
Oh, flies a lovely bird faraway
Faraway, a white lady gull
In the sky, snow desire
Just walk, walk, infinite forests, woods
Dreaming my mind, frozen blame
Sleeping my heart, an icy heart
Down, dawn, my mind
Hellish will, pure life
Hopeless desire
Hopeless life
Please, please
Stay my life
Only mine
I love the hopelessness
Doesn’t hope, but lives the faith
If does no faith, then lives hope
Hmm. No desire. More. Undefined love
Yeah. New world. Please, understand lightly
Will arriving, new desire, longingly
To you
To us
My black gull
Flyes
Forever
Faraway
Hopeless
Desire
The
Forever
Love
Light
The sun mounts over crumpled roofs and streets,
Beats from machetes and trombones disconcerts the air,
Brides and husbands-to-be bosa nova where joy and gossip meet.
Little ones run run past stalls,their joy sharp as knives,
Grandmas share gossip,drinking Joko Tea in chirped mugs.
While dear uncles sway,remembering old wasted lives
Smog billows from grills where meat roasts and fry,
Fires burn,mixing ululations and cheer,
Even the emaciated township dog pauses,ears to the sky.
Hubands-to-be jive,hats tilted,praising feats of might;
Ladies-in waiting in skirts that sparkle under sun.
Every furtive glance a nod and a story of delight.
As night comes,lanterns flicker in houses and alleys;
Music is tender,hearts stay buoyed and awake-
In hoboland love and joy endure amidst the pain.
I’m hopelessly shy
I’m too shy to talk
I can’t even say hi
I turn the other way and walk
I’m sitting here dreaming
Can’t get you out of my head
Thoughts of you are streaming
Why’s my face turning red?
When I hear your voice
I think angels rejoice
I could hear you talk for years
Your voice is music to my ears
I could watch you forever
I can’t get enough of the view
I’ve had enough of this weather
But never enough of you
I’m singing corny songs in my head
I think about all the words you’ve said
I think about your hair and beard and such
Now I’m thinking way too much
I wouldn’t know what to do
If you ever found out the truth
I’m writing poems about you
And you literally have no clue
One sided love never feels good
I always care more than I should
I’m hopelessly shy, will this ever end?
Will we ever be more than friends?
All around my house,
All around my heart,
Flowers grow again
As we grow apart.
Don’t know how to start
Letters with no end
That I wrote from heart
Back to you, my friend.
Words seem posh and dull,
But I try once more -
Under cries of gulls
Weeds are overgrown.
In my country-yard,
Where the roses bloomed,
God knows it’s so hard
But I know we’re doomed.
Your love flew wingless with the summer wind,
And left me stranded, hopeless, in a pit.
Alone I became too much for my mind,
With my love jailed by your self-written writ.
I was consumed by the flame of your rage,
Yet from the ashes, I arose anew.
I found a heart whose kindness could assuage,
And clean even a faintest thought of you.
Your cruelty bent me but couldn't break me,
I rode the distance on your stormy wave,
Till real love brave the storm to free me,
And polished my heart, making me feel brave.
Each fibre of my heart now flows with love,
At last, your wickedness has fallen through.
Joy walks with me, hand in hand, hand in glove,
Made whole by love thats's steadfast, strong and true.
What were the chances?
Even if just one percent,
I would redo the calculations,
Till my body turns to ashes.
The times we spent together—
Were the ones that made me fall in love with existance, with you.
Even when we're not on good terms,
If the universe gave me another chance,
I would.
However things aren't the same,
Like seasons,
The summer left and winter arrived—
The cold breeze was enough to make me realize.
Your smile—
Echoed in my brain like a prayer,
Rewriting the mistakes I did,
Making it easier to breathe.
Love of my life, you were.
If asked now—you are.
Same spirit different bodies—
We were nature's beauty,
Now ruined by human desire.
Fate turned her back on me—
And you, followed the light.
Graciousness forms
the apparel of the meek,
tempered in blistering
hues of aura crafted
with the breath of
exhaustion sinking
deep into the soul
of the soulless,
there it wanders
with eyes open wide,
a pop of life silenced
by its surroundings,
forsaken lands filled
with despotic nature,
crucified
their interior along
with their exterior,
proceeding cautiously
as it gravitates
toward the center,
connecting humble
origins placing
the palm of its heart onto
forced separation,
the wind wraps
around creating
sanctuary healing
the wounded descent
of sacrifice,
predetermined
by its antecedents,
a child born
through ashes into
the world's callous
ever ruling
appeal.
As yellow leaves wither in the autumn breeze,
only apathetic thoughts remain
in this nonchalant existence of
my diseased body and over the hill mind!
It reminds me a time of agility,
A time of struggle and celebrations,
An age when dreams of a better future bloomed,
And leaping up those stairs to pluck the petals of success.
The illusion of youth, believing I would remain the same forever,
My beauty, once admired by the mirror,
My body, that lied about its boundless strength,
And the willpower that upheld my beliefs!
Now, my poor mind, dreadfully distressed,
on the fritz of my worn body parts.
Here I am, at the dusk of my life,
panting and staring at the steep stairs
called ‘rest of my time’!
I wonder, are there any tears left
to cry over the memories of my vigorous days?
Or, has time swallowed even the sorrow, leaving only silence?
“Tea”
Steam pouring forward, perhaps captured with the cold air of time
To be forgotten and lost
Blown away too quick to be tangible
Gentle momentum but me
Not so
Not even the steam ringing from hot tea
Whiskers of cinnamon promise fulfillment
Spikes of ice hot cut it short
Forevermore longing to be
Something more then hot tea taken on an unforgiving night
Bound for nothing
Bound for black and quiet
Only for a moment to be thought of a graceful dance guided with wind
And even I
To be known only to be lost
And to have been something
For it to lack with the persistence of time
Afore loved is always a burden that carries deep into the roots of a being
Although to be named cold air
Is still to be named
Carries with it a reluctance to reminisce
The cold air
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