A few weeks ago I stopped
smoking pot as an experiment.
Easier than I thought-
I’ve had practice. Depth
of feeling starts coming back
like micro-bullets to the cranium
so invisible to the naked eye that
every corner shields a perpetrator.
Part of me likes it, this blitz of feeling
because it turns out I’m masochistic
like that and feeling a pinch dead
gets boring after awhile. Creeps
up on you like an unwanted flat-
mate on a sock by sock flit
to your only spare room and you didn’t
even notice for the cupcakes.
But granted, everybody’s different.
Did you know that the worst
time to have a heart attack
is during a game of charades?
Demetri Martin said that.
A few weeks ago I wouldn’t
have laughed.
Yesterday I did.
It was like someone tried to bury me in the snow.
I woke up.
I shoveled for half an hour.
Snow is dangerous.
I hope I don’t die.
Panicking.
I could have a heart attack, heart attack.
But I made it inside to make hot chocolate.
Heart attacks don’t let you go back inside.
I grab gloves.
Yes, that helps my frozen fingers.
If snow was all there was, I would make a million snowmen.
And they would be friends.
Like she was.
The wind starts blowing snow around.
Look outside, look outside.
The snow hides the grass.
Then the dirty snow hides under new snow.
Her car is collecting snow in the junk yard.
It was the third time it had snowed this winter.
Then the fourth.
Then the fifth.
It never melts, just turns into ice.
I wish I liked a lot of ice in my water, so I could drink it all up.
But that could never be.
It will continue to snow.
Until everyone else is buried too.
I am a fancy cat with patterns on my back.
My tail is pretty, I am sharp as a tack.
Better clear away, stand away, Mo and Mack.
Up close you might see my beauty and have a heart attack.
Mo and Mack were not amused in the least.
The conceitedness that comes off of this little beast!
Don’t forget we are your parents, they told fancy cat.
Better speak to us with respect. If not, there’s the mat.
I blew a kiss in the air
It landed on a lady fair
It caught her quite unaware
She slapped my face and pulled my hair
Then I tried it once again
This time landed on her chin
She gave me just a little grin
And kicked me hard in the shin
The last one landed on her crack
Guess I didn't have the knack
Thought I'd have a heart attack
When she finally kissed me back
a noose please said the persnickety goose.
hop owner queried “a hanging dog noose?”
I will be hanging a hog, but please yes.
was this a murder? Did the goose just confess?
shop owner was a butt-insky from way back.
dialed 911..........they did not have a heart attack.
“People kill hogs all the time, sell goose the noose.”
By then goose had escaped the cage and was running loose.
There are loves that invade you
Falling on you like a comet
That falls on you like a rainbow
gone mad
You think
Am I crazy
Am I crazy?
You even think you're gonna have a heart attack
I've gone mad
Two hearts beating in one body
I'm a fool
Never would you have imagined it possible
Can two waves in an ocean
can soothe such a feeling
so obvious
so impossible
I think I'm crazy
That it's better to flee far away
to the open sea, that silent promise
That one lunar day or one solar night
Two hearts will meet
to savour
A few drops of wild water
I want to be crazy
Her constant blathering drives me crazy as I drive her to the doctor.
Gossip about the neighbors, her pastor, her bridge club ladies.
I am driven to the end of my frayed patience
My driving is sporadic and erratic, and I want to blame her.
Yet I know it is because I left my thumb drive on the table
My new puppy has probably already swallowed it.
This woman has six children, so why am I always the driver?
WATCH OUT! She screams.
I almost have a heart attack.
What is she seeing that I have missed.
Sorry, she says. I guess it was one of my floaters.
I have no words. But I know I will continue driving her
For in the role of my mother she drove me to a plethora of places.
Your driving is great, she says, trying to apologize.
I am driven to forgive her.
Experiencing the dreaded silent scream again.
Doing my best to holler out my anxiety.
I may have a heart attack I think.
My heart is racing like it just lost the Triple Crown.
Fear has me incapacitated.
This nightmare is perpetually long.
I cannot handle much more of it.
I have a stern talk to my imagination upon awakening.
You are going to kill me for real! I warn her.
She smirks, gloats, and flits away, ignoring my requests.
Reminding me of my children.
I attended a wedding where the bride and groom were giggling
Everything seemed to be a secret between the two of them.
They looked way too young to be married, and they probably were.
I was the mother of the bride, and I thought she was too young
Even though she was five years older than I had been when I married
My husband kept saying how much he wanted to get out of there
But we were stuck up front, because we were the parents so we stayed
The reception was terrific. My sister kept telling me to stop dancing.
She was afraid at my age I might have a heart attack.
We are the same age, we are twins. I thought this was hilarious.
I may have overdone it. I was hospitalized three days later.
For pneumonia; it was the coldest weather I had ever seen.
We had to leave our daughter in Omaha, with her new family.
We are glad now. For we have six darling grandchildren
And a son-in-law who has taken great care of our baby.
If you can, go to a wedding where the bride and groom are giggling.
I have no more inside to give...
it doesn't seem to matter how i live.
i feel i have nothing left to believe in...
although sometimes i feel like i might win.
No expression on my face...my joy is gone without a trace.
My heart it beats just like a drum...
but deep inside my bodies numb.
You say i shouldn't feel this way...
i have no interest in what you say.
I take two steps forward...then slide ten back...
i think i may have a heart attack.
I sit and rock...watch T.V....
yet nothing seems to interest me.
Read a book or go outside...
maybe even take a ride.
I think and think...what shall i do?
I could plan a trip to visit you.
All the effort it would take...
I think it would be a big mistake.
So here i sit...an empty shell...
sometimes my life it feels like hell.
P.R. Deremer
The windchill is 45 below sanity
a snow man has frozen snot
dripping from his 1 carrot nose
but the cold doesn't stop the gun toll
in my sweet home Chicago.
27 dead across the Midwest
Frozen solid in the echo of their final step.
A snow shoveling heart attack,
took out a veteran who did three tours in Iraq.
Still three months to go till the sunspots warm up my soul.
My neighbor kept me awake, wielding a leaf blower.
To whisp away little puffs of snow.
He knows I work the graveyard shift.
but tomorrow I'll give him my happy hello.
He's on permanent disability drives a nicer car than me.
He's the one who rolled the snotty snowman.
into form even with his bad back.
Clever little mother#%$&*$
He'll never will have a heart attack.
There's a variety of starvation and riots.
Thirteen wars going on at present.
but the primetime gossips are obsessing about.
Trumps big orange belly and wispy hair...
Mercifully they cut to a Kotex commercial.
It's a good time to coffee up and take a piss.
I've got a very serious case of the polar vortex blues.
I went to a cheese and wine party on Saturday,
where huge platters of cheese were on display.
There was Gorgonzola and creamy white Brie,
I devoured huge chunks with a glass of Chablis.
Danish Blue, Mozzarella and Swiss Emmental,
of course I had to try a sample of them all!
I declined Edam and Gouda, I find them too waxy -
and the last time I ate them I was sick in the taxi!
Soft creamy Camembert and blue Roquefort,
went down a treat with a glass of vintage port.
Crumbly Cheshire and Cheddar were so divine,
and tasted heavenly with red Beaujolais wine.
I’d chomped through all of the Stinking Bishop,
our hostess had to restock the whole dish up!
Then I munched little cubes of Monterey Jack -
if my doctor saw me he’d have a heart attack!
When our host carried in a blue Stilton in a truckle,
I loosened a notch on my now straining belt buckle!
I admit blue cheese can smell like men's sweaty socks
but ripe Stilton and crackers, this cheese simply rocks!
Write a poem about Cheese Contest
Sponsored by Barry Stebbings
FICTION POEM FOR CONTEST
11/12/18
I'm a criminal and my name is Doctor Claw.
I'm very mean and I've broken every law.
Most people haven't seen my face and they'd better hope they never do.
I'm so ugly that if you see my face, you'll have a heart attack and it will kill you.
I recently learned that Inspector Gadget doesn't foil my crimes, I'm defeated by his niece.
She and her damn dog are the ones who defeat me, I won't rest until they're both deceased.
Chief Quimby is an idiot and he deserves to have those notes blow up in his face.
A part of me wants to give up crime because being defeated by a child is a disgrace.
(This poem was inspired by the Inspector Gadget cartoon.)
And when ever I reach down everything is OK.
A jingle of my keys, pocket change.
And there you are.
I'd have a heart attack if I were to reach down and you weren't there.
I don't know what I'd do.
Back tracking every step. Doubling back every where I've been.
Pacing my breath in attempt not to panic
I know it's an unhealthy dependency but face it.
You are a part of my everyday walkabout.
Whether it's something that I need to know or randomly bored.
You always put a smile on my face.
Although some news I'd rather not know. You tell me in a way that I'll understand and I appreciate that.
Searching for a smile pure and humble.
A small print made large. Easier on the eyes.
You teach me things that I'd never think to look for.
Random searches that tie into the things I don't know that I need.
Me sitting in front of you face to face.
Our conversations spanning for hours at a time.
I know at times you need to recharge your batteries and I try to let you be.
But even when your sleep you don't mind waking up and keeping me company.
Even if it's just a second
I would have never had expected this, I've been so lost and distraught.
You came back in my life and made me realize, I loved you more now than I originally thought.
Wasn't planning this at all, I just needed my friend.
To talk about our past and our friendship to mend.
Got so much more than I ever bargained for,
You got me feeling a kinda way I never felt before.
Thought I knew how your love then, boy was I wrong.
Should have never let you go,should have never left you alone so long.
Yet regardless of it all we still have a bond that's so strong.
Don't know how you can do it, being so far away.
Get me to think about you more than I was anyway. (All day)
Now I'm acting like a kid again, tripping on his first crush.
Coming up with new ways to make you smile, hoping to see you blush.
Day dreaming of our time together wishing I had you back.
Heart pounding in my chest, trying so hard not to have a heart attack.
Don't want to complicate things, just always want you there.
Show you I'll never let you go again, forever I would care.
If ever you should need me, absolutely anything, all you need to say.
Is "Joe", and you know that I'd be there instantly without delay.
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