Long Have a heart attack Poems
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That goofball husband of hers brought her to this joint to see her get drunk for the very first time. She actually plugged her nose trying to sip her first glass of beer. Good grief. 20 minutes and she barely finished it. She walked to the restroom and I felt her teetering just a little bit. She likes the feeling though, I can tell! I sure liked it when she started boogying to the beat of the band on her way back to the table. Too bad Mr. dingbat won’t ever dance with her. She keeps tapping her hands on the table to the rhythm of the music. That’s why I have to write so slow. . . .
Now she’s tryin ta drink another beer but she can hardly stand it an her husband sez come on don’t ya wanna know how it fills ta be drunk? She says well at list I fill buzzd now. . .
The nice buzz wore off. It’s at least an hour later. She and hubbie got this idea to go to the liquor store. First time she ever went to one. She thought maybe brandy would taste better so then she could drink something stronger and know how it felt to be drunk. Brandy sounded sweet and fruity to her. Boy was she wrong. She took a little taste and it burned going down. That stuff sucks just like the beer. . . .
Wow she jus finisht tha hole boddle rily fast lik mebbie ten minuts ago so she kud fil drunk an she put me down ta finnish tha boddle in one shot now she kant evin kip her eyez opun UH ohhhhhhh
Epilogue: The preceding narration was based on actual fact. Upon consuming an entire bottle of brandy in less than ten minutes, "she" immediately passed out, and I recall she awoke in the morning having forgotten everything that transpired once she fell asleep. Furthermore, when she went into the bathroom the next morning and saw some flecks of vomit on the walls, she was quite amazed. Why? Because she had no recollection of throwing up, and she realized her goofball husband had actually attempted to clean up a mess in their house for the first time in their young married life!!!
By the way, Jenny, if you happen to be reading this, Shhhh. Please do not tell her other sisters. It would surely get back to you guys’ mother, and your poor upstanding church-loving mom might have a heart attack to hear of her daughter’s one transgression with the devil’s brew! Sincerely, Her Sober (albeit sometimes fanciful) Pen
There’s a party tonight so I bouffe up my hair
Pamper and powder my sweet derrière,
Arrive at the door, all done up to impress.....
Oh man, I forgot! Invite said “fancy dress”!
Pete and Sue are here, seems their theme’s ‘Tarts and Vicars’,
Sue’s skirt’s microscopic! Look at her tiny knickers!
Pete’s in a nun’s habit; the image is scary,
I’ve not seen a nun with a chin that’s THAT hairy!
And there’s Spider-Man! (although I’m perfectly certain,
His cape is made out of his living room curtain),
His curve-hugging costume’s quite “cosy” in size,
I think our friend Spidey gobbled too many flies!
In the corner, a lady has come as Snow White,
Gee, her bosoms are out there, her corset’s so tight,
They look like two bald heads squeezed into a sack,
Glad my hubby’s not here - he’d have a heart attack!
In the hallway, a robot is looking well-oiled -
Her costume’s made out of three rolls of tin foil,
She looks more like a turkey at Christmas, so later,
I really hope no one is tempted to baste her!
By the buffet, Fred Flintstone is looking contrite,
I think he and Wilma are having a fight,
Behaving all “caveman” has got Fred in trouble -
He showed his big man-club to poor Betty Rubble!
There’s a massive man-baby dressed just in a nappy,
The “milk” in his bottle has made him quite happy,
He’s shaking his tooshie and sucking his dummy,
And asking a lady, “can I call you Mummy?”
On the sofa is Princess Fiona from Shrek,
Blimey, Count Dracula’s nibbling her neck,
I avert my eyes to avoid his rising passion,
In walks his wife, and his face turns quite ashen.
His irate wife’s dressed up as pop singer Cher,
In her see through outfit she looks almost bare,
Then she lays into Drac just like Rocky Balboa -
She’s drunk as I skunk, I’m relieved I don’t know her!
Suddenly, Batman bursts through the door,
In his skintight costume - my jaw hits the floor!
He’s so muscular - bulges in all the right places,
If I play my cards right, could be me he embraces!
Well sadly I haven’t a costume of course,
Til I spot a young chappie dressed up as a horse,
I leap on his back - I’m a great improviser -
Strip off and shout “Hey I’m Lady Godiva!”
Collaboration between Jan Allison and the amazing Nina Parmenter
3/17/18
“Yeah, all the way. No ride, no bus, just walkin’. I can’t quit till I give you your
message, and finish drawing this sand script so you’ll know I’m not lying.” I was shocked
by what he was telling me. I looked around half expecting to see one of my neighbors come
out laughing and pointing and shouting “HA! You’ve been punked!” but no one was around;
just he and I alone. The man began to speak, and this is truly what he said, “You’ve had a
hard road to hoe, and life hasn’t always been fair in your eyes. But your angel wants me
to tell you not to give up. You’re finally on the right path. And he’s proud of you.”
“He’s a he?” I asked, stupidly. “Yes, he’s a he (as if I’d just asked the lamest question
of all time), now will you let me finish?” “Okay, I’m sorry, I’m just not used to men
drawing angels and giving me a message.” The man stopped what he was doing, and looked up
at me. The look on his face was as if he was thinking “If I had a quarter for each time I
heard that…”, but he said nothing. He went back to drawing, and was working on the detail
of the face and neck, drawing an outline of the shirt collar, and then back to the face.
I knew this picture, but I couldn’t tell who it was, I kept thinking it must be a famous
person, why was it so familiar? “Your angel wants you to know, you’re not alone, he’s been
with you forever—since you were pretty much born. He’s sorry he left when he did, he knows
you needed him.” I just listened now, “You lost him when you were about 12, and life got
rough on you. He was there watching, and protecting you best he could.” I was stunned; I
could see who the face was now. Then the man stood up, and placed his hand on my shoulder.
He said these words, “He says to tell you, don’t be worried about buying that house,
you’ll grow old in it, and even though the world seems bleak, you’re going to make it. He
says you need to hear that, because he says you’re going to have a heart attack if you
don’t quit worrying.”
My anxiety level is getting up there, but why would you care? Your feeling good as if you could fly, well damn you're always High.
Your going to cause me to have a heart attack and it will come quick with no warning like a slap in the face like a Monday morning.
The pain in my chest is getting harder to bare, which is making me a little scared.You brush it off and call me a pussy, Yes I have one but it's mine not yours,is that why your always calling me a whore?
I'd like to beat you with a two by four but probably go to jail cause this means war!
Our life sucks but you blame it on me but who's getting high in the building?
You say control it but it controls you and makes you look like a fool.
When will you learn you are not Unstoppable cause that shits got you comfortable I don't know what to tell you cause you messed it up, Me our children with little ease.
A grown man still trying to be a teenager anymore you're just a stranger.So be one of them for the rest of your life and you ignore us both day and night.
Open your eyes dude your being played, probably all those lines you give away.It gets in the way of my daily routine, damn you make me want to scream.That **** don't do nothing for me but fights in the middle of the night
Waking up my kids scared to death and I'm tired of it! When it rains it pours and we can't take it anymore I'm not going to ask you to choose cause more than likely were going to lose.
Take care of yourself you need to for sure who knows you might be sleeping with a whore,I'm done with this cause it makes me sick.Say la ve and safe travels cause soon you will be under the gravel with a stone that says"Here lies Brian,he was a good man at one time"
Form:
My anxiety level is getting up there, but why would you care? Your feeling good as if you could fly, well damn you're always High.
Your going to cause me to have a heart attack and it will come quick with no warning like a slap in the face like a Monday morning.
The pain in my chest is getting harder to bare, which is making me a little scared.You brush it off and call me a pussy, Yes I have one but it's mine not yours,is that why your always calling me a whore?
I'd like to beat you with a two by four but probably go to jail cause this means war!
Our life sucks but you blame it on me but who's getting high in the building?
You say control it but it controls you and makes you look like a fool.
When will you learn you are not Unstoppable cause that shits got you comfortable I don't know what to tell you cause you messed it up, Me our children with little ease.
A grown man still trying to be a teenager anymore you're just a stranger.So be one of them for the rest of your life and you ignore us both day and night.
Open your eyes dude your being played, probably all those lines you give away.It gets in the way of my daily routine, damn you make me want to scream.That **** don't do nothing for me but fights in the middle of the night
Waking up my kids scared to death and I'm tired of it! When it rains it pours and we can't take it anymore I'm not going to ask you to choose cause more than likely were going to lose.
Take care of yourself you need to for sure who knows you might be sleeping with a whore,I'm done with this cause it makes me sick.Say la ve and safe travels cause soon you will be under the gravel with a stone that says"Here lies Brian,he was a good man at one time"
Form:
I see you every night,
I dream about you every night,
I see you when I see the light,
I know you're one of a kind.
I know you'll never be mine.
But I'll try,
To see the bright side,
It'll be so hard not to cry,
It's so difficult,
Not to think about you constantly,
But I still believe,
This is not me.
Baby you're my only obsession,
Without you my heart would stop drummin'.
Now I ask you,
Do you think of me???
I have a sudden urge to cry when I see you.
I don't but when I go home I do.
You act like you know me so well,
I know it's unkindly to dwell.
All your friends always got your back,
Mine won't be there even if I have a heart attack.
Boys played my heart and you're too kind,
I always have you on my mind.
I love you.
The question is do you do too?
I know you'll never do...
But I'll try,
To see the bright side,
It'll be so hard not to cry,
It's so difficult,
Not to think about you constantly,
But I still believe,
This is not me.
Baby you're my only obsession,
Without you my heart would stop drummin'.
Now I ask you,
Do you think of me???
Stop playing with my heart,
I am not some credit card.
I am a person not a monster,
So why do I feel like a steaming lobster???
I love you,
I miss you,
I still want to say I do.
I need someone who believes in me,
Cares for me, Honest with me.
Like you do.
But I'll try,
To see the bright side,
It'll be so hard not to cry,
It's so difficult,
Not to think about you constantly,
But I still believe,
This is not me.
Baby you're my only obsession,
Without you my heart would stop drummin'.
Now I ask you,
Do you think of me???
Now does this answer your question?
You're my only obsession...
Rap Is Where It's At
jump in the game no here to complain
being busy as a bee in a land of make believe
we shoot for the top but it ends in the flames
let me be the first to explain
I'm staying in the game this is my time
May shoot to the top in my prime or stand in line
Sugar is sweet like honey but I'm going to be the one who brings home the money
Life is funny in its twists and turn one soul soars while the other one burns
we can each learn from our teachers it's not a walk in the park late night double feature
we got to learn to stick close together no matter what the weather
see each of us has a gift we must use or its forgotten
thank God we got to kill that thug Ben Laden
search your heart you got great rhymes inside
don't fall away or try to run away & hide
go slow at first to take up the pace
some folks may think your from outer space
yet what do they know there just jealous you see
many don't even know there A.B.C's
stop spreading the disease it will knock you to you knees
look toward the ocean while you use your magic lotion
take a shot in the dark & someday you will find
you will never be left behind
it all comes down from within deep inside
look at the junkie in the gutter
the mother who doesn't have enough to pay her bills
she turns to cheap thrills to do what she has to do
have we bitten off far more then we could chew
kick it in the shower its your hour of power
in the end you get to make the final decision
it isn't found in some fake front wishing
Rap is where its at your going to make me have a heart attack
the signs are painted all around
listen as you'll hear it's nasty sound
today I awoke to a burning Hell doorways exposed to fire blazing within
saturated with the remedy of corpses exposed with blood curdling out
the emmense fantasy of idols blackened stench of feces locked in debris
the smell of urination on the rocks that flow downward then the demons skulls
out of side of mouth venom is oozed into a pool of heavy liquified stench
my soul was a vacuum taking it all inside as I wanted to run & hide
there is stood in the center of hell a scroll of Oliph expression laced remedy
swollen base cavity in the falling debris knock you to your knees spreading its disease
long viscous hanging fangs dripping blood off side the darkened dungeon of death's resolve
strings of fallen residue in it's climatic cavity exposed to a treasure of fallen shrunken heads
beady little eyes with a stench far greater then polluted sewage permeates throughout
Venom everywhere you look as if caged barbaric zombies are caught in a deep excursion
no sip of water I'm enflamed for thirst for this i must risk the parting venture forward to a safe haven away from this darkened dungeon existence...
Heavy tunes of sound that i'm hearing can't even speak Satan laughing spreads his wings
I lie helpless on the ground and without a sound a demon takes me in their arms to move along..
pillars of blackened stained death's stench I'm left by a river where I could quench my thirst I thought ?
Only to become a mirage of a whole host wasteland of Zombie feces intact
I was about to have a heart attack until I saw a white light that humbly guided back to my room there alone frozen in time.
Smelly Nelly was quite a charming girl,
She wore her hair in braids instead of curls,
Bathing several times per day in the Jewish way,
Yet many scoffed and sniffed,
exclaiming she smelt like manure in hay,
Nelly used expensive oils and attars,
some came from lands very far,
Her raiments were made of the finest silks
but people still told her she smelt
like days old milk,
They shunned and booed her,
talking behind her back,
hoping and praying she would have a heart attack,
The gripe they harbored had nothing to do with
Nelly's smell, it was because her family owned
several oil wells,
Neverthelss, she brought her own lunch which made
her naysayers feel as if they were incompetent bunches,
The farce of living as the Joneses do, never appealed to
Nelly because she knew the value of a dollar,
So while folks snickered and stared, corking their noses
causing her despair,
She sat and ate her snicker doodle sandwiches with her
little pinky waving in the air,
Smelly Nelly they chanted everyday, but she shrugged
her shoulders and continued on her merry way,
Cartier, Chanel and Youth Dew were always in her backpack,
but she knew it was hard for critics to understand her modest lifestyle,
They all rumoured that she lacked!
Afterall, she rather "enjoyed" their ignorance,
watching them treat her as if she were a rotten as mere happenstance,
But Nelly soon conquered her critics by blossoming into a
lovely swan, forgetting about the negativity, and meanness,
leaving the penny section to stew in their own mess......
Could one learn what romantic fever is?
All I knew was my miserly uncle
With whom we were living,
Fell suddenly in love.
Still he held on tight riches.
Ah, but Juliana, oh wonderful Juliana,
Never missing a hiccup of grace,
Somehow managed to purloin from him
Lovely presents that delighted
Her scheming and wanton heart.
But then who cared or bothered?
We were all madly in love with her,
Those turbid humid days.
Juliana took us all to picnics
Much to our youth's delight.
Yes we all were in favor of our uncle,
That he begot a wife,
Juliana mesmerized us.
For did she not make us happy,
With all those gifts she gave us
Behind my uncle's back?
To her we were just baby dragonflies
Captured in fancy colored bottles,
To be indulged in and left astray,
Maybe picked up some later time
As if a schedule had evolved
In her gracious mind.
I often wondered what was best
If not to tell my uncle all she spent.
I had a sneaking feeling
His heart was leaking fine.
Would he have a heart attack
And have Juliana all for us?
Who could tell?
He might turn us out into the barn.
His heart strong and full of fortitude,
Would not I be killing the golden goose?
So I held my tongue.
And we all suffered from hay fever
As we trudged in secluded fields
Frolicking in the new cut hay
Or tumbling on the grass in meadows gay,
That pleasant spring when
My miserly uncle married away.
10 October 2021
Placed 1
''R'' Contest, New or Old Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Constance La France