Charlie Chaplin, in a silent fashion
Spoke to millions with great passion,
Nothing short of amuse -
Strutting Little Tramp’s big shoes.
There once a man from The Rock
He brought me a gift of ham hock
Valentine's Day
Sadly, I say
When I cooked collards, he was in shock
The fresh woft of roast ham
Although they will accept lamb
A beep of the air fryer
Their bellies full of desire
They would destroy this juicy meat
And see it as a sweet treat
Flowing throughout the house
The scent of freshly roasted honey hit their wet snouts
The excitement palpable, barks and shouts
The tension rises as it cools
Tails wag as they work out how to manipulate those fools
Eyes staring, not leaving their prize
The whimpers and the cries
All 3 ready to pounce
In their eyes no doubt
3 sets of eyes gazing into each moist slice
Only ham will suffice
All laid down, paws stretched
Drool flowing waiting for the slice of perfect
Their eyes never leaving me
Begging and pleading
Tongue licking their lips
As more drool drips
Finally their slice arrives at their mouth
2 seconds before it’s gone
No meat ever tasted like
Grannie’s home-baked ham.
Sweetest right next to the bone.
Savory some say.
I like it most with
a side of –
more!
As all roads lead to Rome
(if not home)
and when there
I do as the Romans do
and pasta alla carbonara
is my favourite meal
not scallopini veal
could not have too much
pork on my fork
and as a kid for the nonce
received the nickname
'Bacon Bonce'
but when in Spain
my brain remains
mainly on a higher plane
(the mountain)
where I enjoy Jamón Serrano
(como el paisano)
produced with a quality guarantee
under the strict control
of and labeled
Consorcio del Jamón Serrano Español
Honey cured lightly rubbed
Herbs and brown sugar glaze
Halo pineapple rings
Harmony of flavor
Heavenly succulent
Hold, hint subtle sweetness
Holiday honey taste
I saw a turkey circling, high above Manhattan
his bronze and copper feathers ripped in the sun,
and it looked like it was having an awful lot of fun.
He looked proud, in those clouds—majestic and delicious,
I could picture him sprawled out, on our Thanksgiving dishes.
Then I thought, chastisingly, “Wow, in a way, that’s kind of vicious.”
I opened the glass doors—we were sitting on the sky-high terrace.
I thought I’d better check—so I wouldn’t later be embarrassed.
I called Karen (Lisa’s Mom), “You already got a turkey to prepare us?”
She was hand making apple and cherry pies, lining crust in the pans
“You bet!” She called, “One's dressed-up—and a honey-baked ham!”
Closing the door, I yelled, through cupped hands, “Fly on Turkey—DO NOT LAND!”
.
.
A song for this:
It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year - Shrift remix by Andy Williams and Shrift
.
.
Here's a Christmas playlist: daweb.us/xmas/Christmas_34.mp3
A brown sugar glazed ham every holiday dinner planned
Christmas and Easter and New Year tradition
beside that turkey with Thanksgiving cheers
those holiday feast with family we remember dear
Crowned with pineapple rings attached by cloves
the smell in the oven baking tempts your nose
Display on the dinning table center stage
sweet meat candy the holiday rage
Sliced thin so more to go around
Happiness the taste of the holidays profound
Holiday baked ham and sweet potato pie
french green beans and cornbread muffins stacked high
mashed potatoes with plenty of gravy
mac and cheese and don't say maybe
So many foods and treats but that baked ham we love to eat
With bone or without, spiraled or whole there is no doubt
a favorite for the seasons and your tummy full
when first out of the oven the smell makes you drool.
It was the night before Christmas, and I couldn't sleep,
I got out of bed without so much as a peep.
And headed to the kitchen for something to eat,
buck naked, except for the slippers on my feet.
I didn't dare turn on the nightlight and wake my wife,
for the last time I did that, she threatened my life.
The house was dead quiet; I could not hear a sound
as I ventured downstairs, feeling my way around.
I got to the living room, stumbling a few times,
then I heard music that sounded like Christmas chimes.
So, I went to the window and pulled back the drapes,
thinking the neighbors were playing some Christmas tapes.
I forgot I was as naked as a jaybird;
till I heard the loudest scream I had ever heard.
The church quire was midnight-caroling on my lawn,
and in plain view, I stood bare-assed, not a stitch on.
Judging by the faces I saw scrambling to leave,
I don't think they'll ever forget this Christmas Eve.
It was never my intent to flash anyone,
I simply wanted a ham and cheese on a bun.
"green eggs and vegan ham"
that chat is
not a chatte
but
why's that
cat doing
that
with
that
hat
Some people say a man is made out of ham
I say he's made out of mussel and clam
Mussel and clam, oyster and crab,
Spread like a feast on a mortician's slab.
You eat way too much, what do you get
Another pound fatter all sweaty and wet
Tell Peter not to bake me no pumpkin pie
One more bite and I'm likely to die.
Tom flew down to Turkey to play
But found at the end of the day
Putin had to gobble
So there was a squabble
Hence the Marmite-Putin soufflé
Lantana, Lantana! It’s that time of year.
Old winter is waning, and springtime is near.
Lantana, Lantana! It’s that time, you know.
I must cut you back now before you can grow.
You fight and resist me and scratch at my skin.
But if you will bear with me, we’re both going to win.
It feels just like murder to cut to the roots,
But soon you’ll be growing and sprouting fresh shoots.
They say that it’s hunger that makes the best sauce,
And gains are more certain right after a loss.
See, I’m getting hungry; I won’t pull your leg,
Seems I’ve got a craving for your ham and eggs!
The hummingbirds love you, the butterflies swarm;
They come for that nectar delicious and warm.
I hope you won’t hate me or wail or lament,
‘Cuz before you know it, we’ll bask in that scent.
It’s all for God’s glory, it’s all for his sake.
Yes, springtime is coming; there’s breakfast to make!
From A Pig's perspective......
I'll be ham for Christmas...........
You can plan on me!
Where Nana's hosting.....
And great food is roasting!
Well....I can think of a better place to be!!
Soon you'll gather 'round the table!
And say....It all taste's heavenly!
Yes...I'll be ham for Christmas!!
So you can be a PIG!!
FOR ME!!!!
By Chuck Melugin
All rights reserved
There's a certain cunning ham named Tom
Who once crafted limericks with aplomb
Lately, no funny new lims
Has Tom's funny bone dimmed -- NO
His computer's been infected with ROM!
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