Best Ham Poems

There is a very cunning ham named Tom
Pens side-splitting limericks with aplomb
   When Soupers are down
   Tom removes their frowns
And their funny bones explode like a bomb 





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My uncle Dran was an odd sorta man 
who never much cared for livestock.
But wouldn't you know he kept a pig he loved so, 
and named the fat thing, Ham hock.


Of little he cared but for the pig's dinner fare 
and a desire to keep...

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Tom flew down to Turkey to play
But found at the end of the day
Putin had to gobble
So there was a squabble
Hence the Marmite-Putin soufflé...

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My sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss
I couldn't resist writing this one
Some of that tasty green ham and eggs
With a bunch of worms on a bun

Eeew! That sounds really quite gross
Dr. Seuss is turning over in his grave
Us poets call it artistic license
Sometimes it winds up...

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There's a certain cunning ham named Tom
Who once crafted limericks with aplomb
  Lately, no funny new lims
  Has Tom's funny bone dimmed -- NO 
His computer's been infected with ROM!...

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Slice ham so thin, your in-laws will never come back

This pearl of wisdom came my way
So many years ago
A TV ad that to this day,
The funniest I know

It sliced and diced, did everything
A kitchen chef could seek
In fact, it claimed that it could make
ONE tomato...

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Let me tell you a story
From a time gone by
The tale of a greedy butcher
And a pig that could fly

In the little village of Piddle Brook
There lived a butcher named Mr.Ham
He was bearded, bulky, and a belcher
And was rumored to eat his own toe jam

A...

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Echelon; let’s take a quick stop at my favorite restaurant.
I feel a little funny. 
I need food in my tummy.   
I have not much money, but my tummy is empty.

Waiter, get me some peas and a glass of tea with plenty of honey.

The...

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Ham 'n' Eggs
Lonnie Donegan Races up the UK pop charts 1956

© Harry J Horsman 2015...

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Help! I’m salivating!
Happy carols, can’t sing,
Here’s Mama’s sweet presents,
Hail from Santa’s kitchen.
Hurray! Honey glazed whirl!
Hold your knife, fork, sing, drool… 
Ham-yummy Christmas, all!



Dec. 19,2016  11.06pm
©2016Leonora Galinta
All Rights Reserved



Fourth Place
Contest: My Merry Christmas Party Pleiades Poetry Contest
Judged: 21/12/2016
Sponsor: Poet Andrea Dietrich


-Advance Merry Christmas to all!...

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A really mouth watering sandwich
one that wets an hungry appetite
just what sandwich does one select
from a selection of bread brown and white

The favourite one for my tum
is one filled with cheese and hams
along with tomato, cucumber and onion
honey mustard on top of lettuce at 200...

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My lady friend Mary invited me over one day to have a little ham
So, I put on my big heavy coat and my fur hat and grabed a digital cam
It was late in November and the streets were white with snow
But when Mary invited me...

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By Elton Camp

Sam much too intently does insist
Green eggs and ham not be missed

I don’t like them isn’t good enough
Sam persistently promotes the stuff

He is very much like a telemarketer
When lack of interest is made clear

Changes of location he does suggest
The person’s resolve to slyly...

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I know little of poet, Sam Slam,
But give him a slice of poet I am.
Of the prime directive,
I am over protective,
So slam your gums down, here comes your ham.

For Anti-Slam Limericks
In Honor of: Carolyn Devonshire
Placed #3...

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I'm not no Picasso, and I'm not no Poe.
The only thing I need, is a late night woman.
And a whole lot of dough.
Apple and pumpkin, they're a cool kind of pie.
Preferred by me, is ham on rye.
There she was, so sexy and nice.
My late night...

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