I am adopted and a single child
having a stammer since pre-school
I also loved soccer to play and watch
at 12, I got to go to my first game, real cool!
This was fab to go on my own
for the very first time just me
a real sense of freedom I stood there
on the terrace standing tall as a tree
That was the first of many games
throughout lots of years
many victories among many defeats
the atmosphere and thrill tingle my ears
Looking back now to a special memory
that first day lies special in my heart
feeling that sense of security but free
this was to mould me in no small part
That day prepared me for future life
whatever struggles of life would face
the grounding I made then framed me
to lift myself over every hilltop without a trace
i'm talking world war three blues
and how the baubles resemble the planet neptune
one kid has trashed the grotto
flameless LED tea light candles on the mantlepiece
another exclaims, 'can we stop talking and just take
the photo?'
a girl says she wants a telescope
a boy says he wants a crane
another says a fraggle stick car
helicopter parent and coo coo bonko
my daughter doesn't recognise me
tears of a clown stuff
a kid claims the beard is fake and i say, 'look...',
i tell a family from germany
we can take a hundred photos, i don't mind,
i will get the son that red double-decker bus
you're wonderful people
they leave
the boss pokes his head round the door and says,
'brilliant, boy.'
old lady in blue jeans
I did not realize until this second
I rarely see this happen
For the first time from the creation of eternity we find ourselves now standing on far different facing shores with no bridge but one designed to reunite us. Though hidden from my sight I yet feel your presence living within me, abiding in calm restraint, your understanding our moment apart is mere flicker of time, no more than a single grain of sand flowing through the hourglass…. though I now live within this crushing moment of eternity without you. I find peace in the knowledge you rejoice in bright light of glorious morning sun, walking hand in hand with glow of infinite love shining upon your soul even as I suffer under the heavy weighted cloak of darkness so cruelly heaved upon me by such unfathomable distance.
How am I in this wilderness of loss to find place,,,,to find step… for contained within my search comes most noted this howling absence of light…
Sometimes we ask why to ears that do not hear.
Sometimes we ask how from lips which can not speak. I fear I am now but an island , separated from the whole, isolated within my mind and found with no direction home
If, for the moment, should you
Touching, forgo
The most appealing landscapes
Do make the snow.
But prone as we are to prove
Through a tingling
If painful, those rumours of
What's real or not
Soft, serene what eyes spot
Fingers, freeze in!
A classmate was murdered.
So I threw away my colors.
Because she was colorful, and shiny.
Dazzling, radiant.
If they were murdering yellows, reds and pinks.
I wanted to be grayscale, covert, hidden.
Nonaccessible. I released the colors I loved.
I threw away my favorite – orange.
I lived for several years without colors.
My life was bland; I was fearful, and tame.
Too tame; sadly depressed.
Living in cobwebbed corners, hiding in fear.
One day I attended a seminar put on by two women.
They were dazzling, radiant, and shiny, like the murdered girl.
They had not been murdered, and they were……….joyful.
Optimistic, hopeful, excited, enthusiastic.
I left the seminar at noon and slept four hours.
I was exhausted, trying to process this revelation.
When I woke up, I began throwing oranges and reds around the room.
I added yellows, purples and greens.
Following my bliss was a giant relief.
I crawled out of the corners and began to live.
For the first time in years; I was me.
Rejoicing!
There I was just me myself
it just seemed I knew no one
my parents had been cut off
there I was me their only son
On the seafront at Largs
away for the day being only nine
in a moment what do I do
panic set in felt out of line
But thankfully they saw me
reconnected again all together
at that moment felt really alone
all had changed except the weather
This reminds one of Jesus childhood
thinking of when Jesus went away
from His parents for they were shocked
not realizing He was in the temple all-day
But Jesus was in control back then
where I was not sure what to do
two opposites for sure in contrast
where were you? a question all so true!
(This tale really happened on the Scottish seaside town on Largs on the Ayrshire coast, where I got lost from my parents these many years ago.
This is written telling of this experience comparing it with Jesus's parents losing Him in Jerusalem 2000 years ago.)
POTD 10-5-19
Dedicated to My Inspiration, Timothy Lee
Joy harnessed from soft internal lightness
was pulse promised with attraction’s might
and sealed blissful bound by our first kiss …
with lips our hearts found their home address
Our emotive blessings deafen my questions
and ease my perception’s limitations
for you are my parceled Eden freedom …
our haven structure is couple completion
I chose marbled strength upheaval plans
that thru change I might someday know your name
and realize you like I breathe in nature …
no matter your season, it reaps my pleasure
For the first time in my heart’s entire life
I’ve no need to incite change thru strife’s design
and limp again within my dreams scorched rubble
to find my soulmate while my pains struggle
Knowing for the first time (after TS Eliot)
Knowing for the first time
means becoming aware
that there really is
no first or next time..
It means realizing
time has asserted itself
as a fencing
with barbed-wire barbs
claiming their sequence
marking our surrender
of freedom..
As time barbs dissolve
in our space of being
we know with joy
for the first and all time...
We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. T. S. Eliot
I dreaded the thought of looking old until I thought of stories untold of my grandmother's prime, as if I looked for the very first time at her face and in her eyes who she was beyond disguise.
Poetically I speak to your heart
The tears of time are bitter sweet
The dreams of old are torn apart
Oceans of sadness finally meet
Never found when push comes to shove
Looking for sun in the darkness night
Perpetually caught in the whisper of love
Never knowing what's wrong or right
Searching the shore's for a grain of hope
Intertwined with destiny and fate
This world was always a downward slope
Meeting for the first time at heavens gate
I dreaded the thought of appearing old,
Until I thought of stories quietly told,
Of my grandmother's prime;
As if I looked for the very first time
At her face and into her eyes...
Now, seeing who she was beyond age's disguise.
Here I am, in my older year
With my own grey hair
And all the other things to bare,
Hopefully without despair;
For I am somewhat self-aware
And in many ways, this is the time of my life where
I believe I began getting there
In terms of life fulfillment and repair,
Both with and without err.
Living and giving my unique love and care---
My own facade, I too wear.
My hope is, to honor her now; here.
09/10/15
You were so familiar when I met you for the first time
My eyes couldn't believe, my brain was also denying
I thought I'll never fall in love again in this lifetime
But that moment, I observed some shift in my Paradigm
Grace on your face, luxury of your eyes were simply sublime
You were politely smiling as if you are all mine
Believe me! Everything was magical around at that time
Your diet coke which you couldn't drink and even my soda lime
You were so simple and even ambience was also fine
But why I was still nervous like a kid of class nine
You were watching me and dude I was dying!
But, somehow I managed to ignore your infectious smile
I was clearly able to see my inspiration in your eyes
In return, I could offer you just a genuine and honest sign
That night, I couldn't erase the impression of you on my mind
Do you even know that stealing heart is also a crime?
You reminded me of someone I have never met in lifetime
Oh dear, it's me only in you and that's what I saw for the first time
Dive deep
into my inner place
once more, maybe twice.
Fly while standing still,
as I did before
I learned the truth.
Lose myself in painting
to the point of no breath
or thought beyond the canvas.
Write with abandon
about heart, butterflies,
and her fierce beauty.
Walk among white marble tombs,
eat crawfish jambalaya,
dance the zydeco.
One more glass of wine,
just the one...
Any more and I’m lost.
Never lose myself again
to the blackness
of no memory.
For the first time I kissed you I knew the sun would shine even in the rain, for the first time I held your hand I knew I was protected from anymore pain. For the first time I saw you I knew I loved you all of my days, for the first time I felt God and I thank him for your ways. For the first time I know the second will be the same. by Jennifer Daetwiler
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