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Poems by Christopher Allen

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Date PostedPoemTitle# ViewsForm  
08/21/2023 i've just finished recording an album of post-prison singles 74 Free verse
08/18/2023 The England Captain Throttled a Koala 57 Free verse
08/10/2023 i still dunno what thunderbird 3 is for 102 Free verse
08/09/2023 i'm watching the jousting at warwick castle with Costa cappuccino 99 Free verse
08/08/2023 mum, do you know the postcode for warwick castle 113 Free verse
07/31/2023 i was playing thunderbirds with my kids and forgot what thunderbird 3 was, so asked the lifeguard 319 Free verse
07/04/2023 AI generated poetry is not allowed 233 Free verse
06/28/2023 let's end all diversity of opinion and end debate 359 Free verse
06/17/2023 How Deep is Your Glove 84 Free verse
05/17/2023 I'm sitting with my fingers above the typewriter keys and saying out loud, I'm listening 454 Free verse
04/28/2023 my six-year-old son will only brush his teeth listening to my sharona 215 Free verse
04/26/2023 i met a psychology teacher who told me he was reading freud, shouldn't he have already read that 350 Free verse
04/24/2023 now i have a driveway and i've discovered i can unlock the car from any room in the house 319 Free verse
04/22/2023 In Defence of Mint Sauce 469 Free verse
04/09/2023 i didn't go out to work, he did 301 Free verse
04/06/2023 during the job interview, i was worried the interviewer hadn't heard fire by Bruce Springsteen 490 Free verse
02/25/2023 i went to the zoo with family, but wanted to go alone 416 Free verse
02/18/2023 i wanted to write a poem using heroic couplets, but i dunno what they are 432 Free verse
10/29/2022 Edward Thomas Wrote Over 140 Poems in Two Years and I'm Going to Do the Same 243 Free verse
09/01/2022 i boiled two eggs that were already boiled 439 Free verse
08/29/2022 in my new office drawers i found a knife and fork and a pair of glasses 480 Free verse
08/25/2022 A Giraffe in a Space Rocket 493 Free verse
08/24/2022 My Dentist Started a Nudist Colony 430 Free verse
08/23/2022 I'm Listening to Beethoven's 9th on Full Blast in the Car on the Way to Work 499 Free verse
08/09/2022 a teenage girl is in love with my mate Jericho 551 Free verse
05/29/2022 i've been watching that tv drama set in space with that bloke with the helmet 347 Free verse
05/22/2022 My Son Asked to Read That Story With Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail and Pizza 589 Free verse
05/14/2022 if you're on a space walk with a helmet on you can drown in your own sick 576 Free verse
05/08/2022 A Colleague Recommended I Read Machiavelli's 'The Prince' To Help Me Discipline My Class 350 Free verse
05/03/2022 Please limit poems posted to 10 per 24hr period 392 Free verse
04/28/2022 My Five-Year-Old-Son is Sad He Can't Run the 100m Under 10 Seconds 516 Free verse
04/26/2022 I Want To Meditate with Roy Orbison 481 Free verse
04/16/2022 We All Croak 541 Free verse
04/10/2022 I Shared a Kurt Vonnegut Lecture with My Chinese Students and They Beamed 527 Free verse
02/19/2022 My Chopsticks Are Talking To Me 347 Free verse
02/10/2022 Whenever I Think About Poetry, I Want to Fall On My Knees and Weep 306 Free verse
02/03/2022 My Mate Jericho Gave LSD to Zebrafish 266 Free verse
01/30/2022 which nostril do you breathe out of 233 Free verse
01/28/2022 Encourage a Poet By Being The First to Comment 274 Free verse
01/25/2022 I Was Livid The Day They Offered Me The Nobel Prize 246 Free verse
01/08/2022 there's a poet online with the same name as me 331 Free verse
12/27/2021 i'm doing an online mental age test and so select the tab, 'i reject all birthday parties' 532 Free verse
12/25/2021 Shakespeare Interviewed on Jimmy Fallon 264 Free verse
12/13/2021 one hand on the steering wheel, the other waving at the moon 370 Free verse
12/11/2021 my son wants to talk about tooth decay 549 Free verse
10/04/2021 Farming Is A Mistake, Like Tik Tok 254 Free verse
10/02/2021 after teaching romanticism i want to join the circus 552 Free verse
09/06/2021 My Four Year Old Son Is Sad He Can't Do The Pole Vault 452 Free verse
09/02/2021 teaching poetry makes me feel weak 257 Free verse
08/25/2021 AIR CONDITIONING IS EVIL 302 Free verse
07/25/2021 My Wife is Mad 310 Free verse
07/21/2021 bob dylan's songs come from a pipe 265 Free verse
07/07/2021 You Can't Smother A Person With A Pillow 278 Free verse
07/05/2021 Mr T Interviewed On Letterman 472 Free verse
06/29/2021 HIDE AND SEEK IN THE OFFICE 316 Free verse
06/20/2021 they found the body this morning 248 Free verse
06/14/2021 Great Dumbledore Quotes 232 Free verse
05/25/2021 if you had to have one Queen song played at your funeral, which would you choose 253 Free verse
04/25/2021 i am sleeping with a bucket 308 Free verse
04/05/2021 only female mosquitoes bite, the male ones just say hello 333 Free verse
03/18/2021 Watching Wrestlemania with a Baptist 399 Free verse
03/08/2021 conducting an imaginary orchestra in the passenger seat 525 Free verse
03/07/2021 there's a bloke in this museum dressed as a cannonball 350 Free verse
02/28/2021 Give Me Back the Ozone Layer 422 Free verse
02/19/2021 46 per cent of japan's population hide when someone rings the doorbell 275 Free verse
02/08/2021 there's a bloke in this cafe slapping his face 353 Free verse
02/03/2021 Mum Loves War 395 Free verse
02/02/2021 Beach Ball in a Suitcase 359 Free verse
02/01/2021 gimme gimme gimme fried chicken 362 Free verse
01/31/2021 the french don't give a 465 Free verse
01/28/2021 there's a bloke in this cafe wearing a cape 384 Free verse
01/26/2021 pretending to be on the phone 536 Free verse
01/25/2021 the cloud appreciation society 428 Free verse
01/24/2021 there's a bloke in this cafe wearing heart-shaped spectacles 394 Free verse


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In Christopher Allen's second collection of poetry, he ponders on which nostril is best to exhale out of and the idea of joining the circus. Should we give LSD to zebrafish? There are references to the greats, such as WH Auden, Mr. T and David Letterman's beard. It is worth taking the journey if you have the time and can be bothered.

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there's a bloke in this cafe slapping his face
he's been there doing that for
about twenty minutes...

Christopher Allen's first collection of poetry focuses on fatherhood, odd people in cafes and parallel parking. You'll also find references to certain aspects of life such as love, death, Wrestlemania and Alfred the Butler. It is a journey one should at least try. there's a bloke in this cafe slapping his face: a collection of poems eBook: Allen, Christopher : Kindle Store