She was a beacon, lighting up many dark nights.
There were two relationships of which I am aware.
One was an immature romance filled with toxicity.
The other was paternal and practically none existant.
I attempted personal intervention with one and failed.
I loved and guided her like a father and made a difference.
My granddaughter recently entered her eternal heavenly rest.
And I? May it be said of me, "He has done what he could".
They all want her
It's like they have been blinded to unsee the beauty in me.
We laugh together,
We play together,
We even fly together
But they all want her.
Is it a curse or is it bad luck?
But who am I to deserve it?
Well.. it's rather an ambiguous misfortune.
Similar in every way,
No different from identical twins
But they still want her.
When one of them says a simple hello
I am puzzled, confused, and I feel weird
Because I have gotten so used to her getting the spotlight,
Used to her being everyone's the one
And to me being ghosted.
Even she is getting fed up.
But to me it's still a dream,
An impossible wish,
And a non-existant reality
I might try this or that
But all is in vain, a truly inevitable reality
Because THEY ALL WANT HER
Tussel for power trained her tongue to sharpen
Tact resistant throat bellowed careless scorn
Potential friends' impressions began to darken
Sharpness of wasabi, harsh memories injected
Frontal lobe numbed, chased non existant dawn
Self image slashed, frayed fragments protected
Overpowering was triumph, in her odd summation
Trampling perspective romance, before it was born
Aggression shrugged on, hard armor of domination
Swooping on prey with strident screech, hook talons
Flashing vengeance at every turn, a bandied sword
Combating stance slices hearts in half, no challenge
Her hurtful words were weapons, feelings' neglect
Evil clenched a crusted clump, grew gross, ignored
Repugnant bulge, cancerous cruel crept unchecked
Charm which lured folks religiously, flung them ruthless
Ice in vicious veins fed malicious mouth, a habit abhorred
Path obscured by pain unresolved, killed kind maneuvers
15th September
... For Ace.....
Live in a very quiet neighbourhood of Newmarket
Crime is non existent 'cept the store's huge markups
Seems like a crime to me
Starvation is a way out it seems
Want to lose weight but not destroy my carcass
A dark cloud envelops me
An evil presence within
Running, crying, trying to hide
Escape non-existant
Bruised and battered
The beatings were normal
His poison was drink
Succumbing to the beast, greeting it warmly
Needing, wanting, there was no control
I am two from one
My disorder is known
My life is in ruin
My brain a mess
Even through death his legacy haunts me
Despair, anger, solitude
We loathed him, feared him
Through all that was and all that will be
I loved him dearly and always will. Dad
Do not escape from reality
Hiding in a non existant
World full of expectatives
Accept things as they are
Up and downs are part
In approving
The tests life
Presents
Now
Nayda Ivette
10-17-2015
eye, see it come as acts before being done.
eye's close I to see for in me there's clearer vision within
blink I away from falsebright pixels tangled in the substance of sight
only eye let I be eluded by the illusion diluted in this drink served
sip from the cold manifestations of reality,the hour glass leaks
listen as of eternity the hands on clocks speak
of time immemorial,when space was non-existant and love's lands not so distant
no bodies, nobody, only entities and energies soon to be discarded from the skies and mother earth adopted
with clipped wings and memories erased
it seems global sibling rivalry gains momentum to it's extremes spurred on by materialism
twisted histories ,mangled prophecies all in the soup of false religions and politics that will soldier the civilian
eye see man in the carnage
enslaved by bondage and propaganda is the soap with which we wash brains
we were given one land,we made the divisions
God's ultimate gift and judgement is free-will
and we've made the decisions
i plant a tree in the unit of your soul
i embrace the happiness that refuses to hide in a corner
i loosen up slowly thank in part to the brightness of your quiet genius
i never thought it would be you who lives your life signing autographs of influence
when i wake up every morning, i take in the nature of your smile
heaven is at arm's reach, and God is a gentle peck away
you water the flower in the condo of my mind
what grows, as a result, is a foundation of stability
green i am to your faithfullness and your loyalty
you make loving to love easy and sincere
you make the assurance of definitive truth existant and believable
you make the heartbeat of forever's infinity reachable and retrievable
we do not have to pretend or play some odd and ridiculous role
to honor you, i plant a tree in the unit of your soul....
I sit there in the silence
Yet im sitting next to you
You act like im non-existant
You've always better things to do
You chat for hours on you computer
You talk for hours on your phone
Even though we are are together
I feel so all alone
I work so hard to meet our needs
I know im gone for days on end
Still i try to reach you every day
Because your my love and my best friend.
Its sad that life has come to this
Where I wonder where we are
And still i try to reach out to you heart
Before things go to far
I miss good conversatoins
And good things we have shared
I pray that you will always love me
I pray you will always care
I wear your ring upon my finger
Ive declared you to be mine
And the only thing ive asked of you
Is that you give me equal time.
Maybe if I could do what I wanted
Go wherever I wanted…
I’m detained
My emotions
My thoughts
My opinions
My wants
Are non-existant
Im passive
I submit
I’m not
I am not
Everything is okay
Nothing matters
I won’t be anything here but submissive/insignificant/nobody
My Self has fled
Im DOC# 454056
Imma get by
Imma get out
I hope my Self won’t remain dormant in submission
I hope my Self will recover from numbness and incorporate some of the qualities
Of DOC# 454056
This is not depression
This is emotional purgatory
I don’t know anything –
I knew something
I knew opposition
Opposition was on fire
Now frozen over by passivity
Not knowing can be better not to see sometimes,
the glare of the sun that blinds your eyes,
but fills your heart with warmth and comfort,
to just sit and enjoy and not have to wonder,
where it came from or how it works to exist,
that tries to take away from the joys of feeling its bliss,
just to sit and take a moment in the storms despair,
as the wind and rain hit you, to remember the sun's glare,
and put yourself in that place to intentionally feel,
the battle can rage on while your heart knows what is real,
if pain tries to settle, let peace and joy still remain,
existant in love can feel both in the same.
Happy Father's Day Mom,
Without you this day would be,
Completely non-existant;
This day just would not be.
Dad is great, don't get me wrong,
I think that he is grand.
He's always there to play some game,
Spend time or lend a hand.
He taught me how to cast a line,
When we go out fishing.
He taught me how to speak my mind,
That there's no gain in wishing.
I don't think I'll e'er repay,
All that he's done for me.
I know for sure in all the world,
There's no one just like he.
I'd like to give him something,
To show there's none like he;
But you already did that,
On the day you gave him me.
She's constantly a dreamer,
Fantasy is where she lives,
Reality is non existant to her,
If only she could see.
She only cares about superficial things,
Popularity is her sport,
Boyfriends are the cheerleaders,
If only she could see.
Her mind is put to waste,
A head as empty as a flower pot,
Education is lost on her,
If only she could see.
She makes fun of the "weirdos",
She cannot stand the "geeks",
But those "geeks" are worth knowing,
If only she could see.
The world is 3-D,
It has depth underneath,
There is beauty under the surface,
If only she could see.
Beauty is not just skin deep,
It runss all the way through,
It's not just looks that matter,
It's how you think and see.
Such an overwhelming,heartwrenching disease
from a baby,a parents pain,sheilded yet knotted inside
non facial expressions,no tears,no laughter
how do you detect the mood of your infant.
Discovered from a cist on the brain
a young mum, to finalize her vital exams
grandma`s love, family and friends too
help make this possible.
A non existant forward, it may seem
weeks of contiuous tests,hearts full of hope
proven that it can be overstepped
grown teenager speaks of his ordeal
Today is the day,that consultant is seen,apprehensive,nrevous
tears of joy,negative test, a normal life,others not so lucky
Paul Beadnall for Brian Strand`s ( free verse contest) 19/7/2011
Love these days seem so non existant,
So everyone, I keep at a great distance.
I'm a complicated woman,
This I know.
But what can I say,
My heart can no longer glow.
Not in the Spring.
Not in the Summer and not the Fall.
Not even with the Winters snow.
I wish It were different,
I wish I could change.
But at least this way,
I will never have to feel the pain.
So please try to understand,
And please try to see.
Please forgive me.
I'm sorry for this is the real me.
I keep a smile upon my face,
To keep everyone from knowing all I need is a persons special embrace.
The tears, I will never let you see.
For all my real feelings, I am hiding withing me.
My fears, I will never tell you
They are to many to list and they are all true,
Though I act tough,
I'm really not harsh and hateful
Oh this, I wish you could only see.
I'm sorry, for this is the real me.
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