in this funny house
smiles reflect by a clear pool
white gowns run the maze
extracting caries for cash
drilling down to build up crowns
I went in for a simple fix,
or so the dentist swore~
next thing I knew, I had hardware
no store would sell at the Home Depot store.
Dentist drilled like he was mining gold,
he screwed like he was building shelves,
and when he said, “You’re doing great,”
I thought, Speak for yourselves.
Now I’ve got titanium treasures
rooted deep inside my gums~
I beep at airport scanners
and frighten toddlers with my hums.
But hey, these teeth don’t wobble,
they don’t complain or pout~
and if one ever loosens,
I’ll just unscrew the thing right out.
So here’s to dental implants~
the upgrade no one seeks.
I went in missing molars…
came out part-robot in two cheeks.
Broccoli crowns and carrot sticks
removed by dental floss and toothpicks
Popcorn, peanuts and caramel corn
leave my teeth like newborns'
“Why is it called a toothbrush?”
(he asked rhetorically)
as I use it to brush more than one
it makes no sense to me
surely 'teethbrush' would be correct
for dental care and gums
so from now on that's what I'll use
to remove food residue between my teeth
while I still have some
The crocodile smile is such a pretty sight
as the Egyptian Plover keeps his teeth
pearly white and shiny bright
"Open wide," are words heard from the bird
his dental hygienist who picks and pecks
then eats the meaty spicks and specks
and as the crocodile sheds old choppers
(no tears)
so the avian's not unemployed or at a loss
the croc constantly grows new gnashers
for his new-found feathered friend to floss
Darn
Dentist
Dreadful deed
Damned if you do
Dah! Damned if you don’t
Disturbing drill din daunts
Drat! Delectable doughnuts
Digging deep childhood cavities
Done! Drear disposition diminished
Displaying the dazzling disarming smile
A tiger tooth puller named Keith
Growled, Donkey I must check your teeth
Donkey started to bray
Saying, "Don’t block my way
I’m needing urgent pain relief"!
Dentist appointments cause me to linger,
Someplace betwixt dread and the blackness,
Fright’s version of despair,
Wistful and aching with silent prayers,
Silent, silence, soundless – still,
All the reasons, the responses, the requisites,
For those hours, endless times
Spent, losing my mind,
With mouth opened to oblige
Fingers pressed against my gums,
Forcing the enemy’s needles,
Taste of lidocaine, breathing in and out,
Through expanded nostrils,
Urgent moments, flooded with apprehension,
Distracted by the metal instruments,
Dreadful apparatuses,
Some intended to scrap at my enamel,
Pick at my fangs,
Some meant to dislodge roots,
Extract a tooth, - a part of me,
A portion of my flesh, my body,
Buried deep in my gums,
Where silent forces sing of dark horrors,
Will this dentist ever finish?
It seems like I’ve been in this chair for hours,
Looking at my watch….
Can it have only been five minutes!?!
If you are fortunate to be able to have you and your
family's dental needs taken care of-
thank the good Lord when you pray,
because many in our midst cannot make a
dental appointment on any given day.
Men, women, children are struggling with
tooth decay, their teeth hurt,
dentists out there, I'm not trying to be curt.
The high cost of dental care leaves many
people in a tough situation,
this must be addressed more in our nation.
Some people have died of dental disease,
listen, dentists, please-
I know some of you are paying off student loans,
but this problem can't be left alone,
if you haven't already, try to fit into your time,
charitable dental work for those squeezing
every dime.
Some families make a little over the Medicaid
and other social health programs threshold,
but still need help, so may I speak bold-
perhaps some socialized dentistry, if that's
what it takes,
especially for the needy's sake.
For many, sitting in a dental chair has not
been in awhile,
and God wants everyone to be able to smile. ~
little birds flying around my legs and feet
unless i got some food, no way do they want to meet
i enjoy them in flight, being all free
oh, Sweet Mama, how i wish that was me
the water is their seductress as well as their mirror
it is within this much needed Peace where i see things so much clearer
the whooping crane flies away showing her natural size
this bubblebath jacuzzi feeling inspires the sun to rise
a stray puppy comes out of nowhere to say hello
i pet his little head, and he begins to lick my elbow
we then look at the water together wondering where it goes
we listen to some mid 70s bob james, and the grooves temporarily frees us from our woes
It was the exam of all exams to test the mind....The Soul....Phyiscal agility...Years of Coordination, and Comprehension Skills.... I went for a walk and the pool had a leak I happen to go ito the store and found a New Hubba Bubba Brand..... I looked at it before I chewed and saw that it had a new sugar wax on the side ... I looked at my pool and thought to myself with a pool full of water and 2 ft deep.... What do I do but make an imprint too... It was a centimeter round and had to go just right... I aimed correctly with everything I could see in sight.... Hand in the air and visualizing my aim.... I thought of a cue ball and racked balls ... It only took a few seconds .... if that at all .... I made it perfect right in the hole ... Took my index finger and smoothed the surface.... With a perfect seal I complimented myself was this this the final exam??? An Eight Ball in the Side pocket and now I am an ace...
My Dental Horn Haiku
Swing and Sway with Tooth Decay (Sammy Kaye)
we would swing and sway
had heard about tooth decay
was to our dismay
do need dental care
at mouth she started to stare
teeth beyond compare
did have his consent
would know what my dentist meant
cavities prevent
we found a fable
dentist lives in a stable
goes to work when able
his office is plush
on dentist do have a crush
must be sure to brush
he will let me in
dentist is my next of kin
took my teeth for a spin
am a horny toad
my dentist does have a code
brush teeth or hit the road
my case was mental
when in office that is dental
hope they are gentle
had heard a Horn pun
when my dentist had been done
was second to none
when life would waiver
dentist was my life saver
on best behavior
mind in mental traps
did have a mental mishapse
our bride would collapse
you need a mascot
which you know will hit the spot
in store can be bought
this is all for now
my head I will have to bow
God me did endow
Sitting in the dental chair
Undergoing dental surgery
While the dentist probes,
And tortures me
With his instruments of pain,
The Frank Zappa song plays over and over
The torture never stops
The torture never stops.
And I think of the mad dentist
In Little House of Horrors
The Jack Nicolson character
Who screams Pain is good
As he assaults his patients
Doing root canals
Without anesthesia
And so I endure the torture
Of the dentist
In the vain hope
I can save my teeth
Until the next time
I undergo dental torture.
The song faces away
And I slowly recover.
Then as I leave,
I am confronted with the bill
And the song roars back to life.
There once was an old geezer named Bob
who loved to munch on corn on the cob.
But since he wore false teeth
kernels got underneath:
and so he'd turn them down with a sob.
Sitting on the can, he read an ad
touting a brand new fancy doodad:
So he pulled up his pants
got some dental implants,
and chomps more corn than he ever had.
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