Best Bender Poems
flaming red petals
a yellow sunshine spreader
bee attacks stamens
with bottom-feeder passion
his honey-business awake
Is it really anyone’s business
What about this gender thing
Does it pertain to likeness
Does it even mean a thing
If you’re intimate it matters
But that’s your business too
Everybody wants to know
Are they intimate with you
Your boss, your government
Why do they even care
They always want to know
What you’re packing under there
On a job application …
Isn’t that discrimination?
Why do they want that information?
Is the job fornication?
A little box is labeled gender
No, I usually just say
And when it’s labeled sex
I answer anyway
Sometimes I say seldom
Or … refer to marital status
Twice on Sundays
Or … never just for gratis
Well, come on now, really
What do they expect?
Will they take my word for it?
Are they going to check?
if you like this poem, in invite you to read my poem "The Girls"
A Real Gender Bender
I drove on down to the grocery store
to buy myself some meat
milk and eggs and veggies
And variety of treats
When I pulled into the parking space
She was pulling out
I quickly rolled my window down
and gave a little shout
Well, she may have stopped in time
to save my poor car's fender
But what took place, after that
Was a real Gender Bender
When she got out of her car
I notice she was tall
And nothing about this lady
Would I describe as small
But a sexy hot potato
Blond hair blue eyes an all
Boobs, Butt, a nice tight waste
She could strut it all
With the flutter of her eyes
and a pucker of her lips
she strolled on over to me
hypnotizing, with her hips
As she bent down to my window
Her cleavage made me sigh
I had a feelin', of gettin' "Lucky"
'Till "HE" punched me in the eye
Have you ever ridden in a balloon on the air?
Oh, how I remember the quiet there.
As on the currents of wind we were borne
Watching the sun rise, as from the horizon it was torn.
Riding on nature's majesty...with nary a care.
Passing o'er the desert with all its splendor
Riding the gondola, the true "Air Bender".
Seeing the hills alight with the morning sun
Carefree, quiet, having such fun.
Memories of when our hearts were young and tender.
I’m a man I’m a man
I once was Jan but now I’m Stan*
I strut around posing and drink some beer
Use the gent’s toilets, now that sure feels *****
I must stand up now when I use the loo
‘Shake hands with shorty’ now that’s quite a coup
I don’t shave my legs, it’s now my chin
Got a beer gut now when once I was thin
When I go to work I wear a suit not a dress
Am not really bothered if my hair is a mess
Causal jeans show my ‘builders bum’
When I turn round you see my overhanging tum
I go out with my mates on a Friday night
Dance like a muppet – that’s quite a sight
Age old chat up lines – what a bore
Eye up the ladies oh I want to score
I truly can't envisage what its like to be male
I hope you enjoyed my tongue in cheek tale!
Jan Allison
5th May 2014
*reference to Stan comes from my poem written with Darren Watson called 'Our first meeting in the Isle of Man'
I saw Richard had placed 6th in the recent 'women only contest' so thought I would chance it too with this poem that was written for Gender Bender Contest sponsored by Richard Lamoureaux ~ Awarded 5th Place by Richard~ ~awarded 6th place by Kelly Deschler in the 'men only contest '... thank you for being a good sport Kelly!
Just deny that you once had a member
You’re not gay and you are not transgender
Cos it comes from the top
that you’re in for the chop…
but you voted him in, do remember!
Inspired by the current news in the US today. The title is a play on words as I have read that at one time he was an ally of the gay and transgender community
27-07-17
Mind Bender
I try to bend my mind around a straight line.
Pondering the lies imbedded in yesterdays truths.
False prophets, masquerading on wisdoms mountain.
"come taste our wares"
I become intoxicated on prides pie.
Tasting success's extinction.
Lives forsaken,
sacrificed on altars of progress.
Beads of glass breaking in upturned palms
whispers from the fallen,
not allowed to cry out.
The language of their ancestors,
silenced,
erased.
What's left?
Is there any trace?
Oil drips along insanities highway.
Multitudes traveling gleefully in the passing lane,
destination... nowhere fast.
munching on fastfood promises
Heading towards a toothpick bridge,
trusting facades of solidity.
Smiling plastic smiles.
Turning the radio dial,
tuned to stations extolling self pride.
God complex.
"All things are possible if I believe in me!"
Living the dream,
suspended within stupidity.
Unable to bend twisted minds.
Failing to seek the straight and narrow path.
The end of us,
no muss, no fuss.
Time stands still.
Momentary pause.
The earth waits,
catches it's breath.
Abrahams Father,
presses restart...
GENDER BENDER
(Battle of the Sexes)
Today, I do admit I seem confused
About some common words that I have used.
I thought I was a female, not a male,
However now my gender must curtail.
Woke up today to see that I have changed,
You see my gender has been rearranged.
No longer can I call myself woman
However, pretty sure I am still human.
But can’t work out just what I’m meant to be,
If my pronoun excludes me, being she.
I’ve heard and read about this latest news,
And I’m supposed to now change all my views?
I’m not a ‘Birthing Parent’, I’m a mother,
Also, I am a sister to my brother.
I’m not somebody’s partner, I’m a wife,
An adult female woman during life.
My grandkids they all fondly call me nan,
An auntie of my sibling’s children clan.
I’m not a they or them or two or more,
Or any other ‘Woke’ term that’s for sure.
Do not remove my gender from the form,
Or tell me now that I must just conform.
We’ve let the P.C. rulers take control,
Pour language and our culture down their hole.
For wrong terms, names, or pronouns we’re advised
If used, then we should all apologize.
And gendered titles also now offend,
Instead of madam now I’m citizen.
Inclusive language guides have been released,
Identity Politics seems to have increased.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not adverse to change,
But it’s not their right to make me rearrange.
I know I’m not the only one out there,
Who sees the loud minority everywhere.
I think it’s really high time to complain,
And maybe start an anti-Woke campaign.
So please don’t try to change my gender sir,
Because I’m very happy being her.
I’ll stay a wife, a mother, and madam,
And Mrs, aunt, a lady, and woman.
And I don’t care who I may now offend
It is my right, My Gender to defend.
Christine
On getting up I looked in the mirror
and to my amazement I saw I was a man
what fun I thought lets have some fun
I dressed in a man's suit and went to work
Driving there in my new porsche
I gave the pretty girls a wave
I got lots of smiles and a few winks
laughing I arrived at the office
Getting a fair few back slaps
as the guys drolled over my wheels
some winks and nudges, suggestive remarks
Hey Joe who's your lucky date tonight?
With this machine the worlds your oyster
listening to their bawdy jokes I hide a smile
And relish the tall tales of their own conquests
so this is what goes on in the men's room
How they would cringe faces red if they knew
that no man was I just a lass who awoke a man
driving home my husband was cooking that night
dressed up to the nines in my best black dress
I had to laugh as he tottered on my stiletto heels
boy did he made a nice woman wearing a long wig
the food he made was no great shakes just uggy
but the love making more than made up for it
Next morning I approached the mirror
and soon saw that I was back to normal
Joe looked at me and grinned in delight
He said I made a better man than him
But we had better keep it quiet
as his co-workers would not live it down
I enjoyed my day as a man very much
seeing life from the other side
written 05/04/2014
contest Gender Blender
And now let’s speak of Paparazzi
Who show us things that we should not see
They think they are so hotsy-totsy
Let Mama have the job
Yes, I’d prefer the Mamarazzi
I’m sure they’d show us how to not be
They’d surely take a better shot, see
As Papa’s such a slob
But now let’s move to Billygoats
Why can’t they be called Millygoats
They then would not be silly goats
Let’s give the girls a chance
And what of Lazysusan’s fate
Not fair, though now it’s much to late
I think that Lazypeter’s great
They’d have a fine romance
Unless he is all Petered out
As I am with this goofy bout
More gender benders left to scout
But now I’m tired, so Sue me
Septembers embers;
I so desire december;
I shan't go on a bender.
I know you were just being petty
When you laughed at my Uncle Betty
But who would believe
That he could conceive
After eating all that spaghetti?
What are you, awoman or a man.
Some are obvious;some are hard to tell.
Why do you dress like that,if you are not in jail.
Hair is purple,Jacket is funny.
Pants are tight,but you have no fanny.
Are you a man or a woman hard to tell.
why do you dress like that,if you are not in Hades.
On a Bender.
New Orleans, dawn, woke up on the floor of a hotel room,
don’t know why I didn’t sleep in the bed. A shower, vapid
water ran slowly down my body like worms they crawled
around and refused to leave. In a bar where men sat in
silence watching TV with sound turned off. A double whisky
and the worms disappeared. Thought I can’t sit here and
drink like an alcoholic, I had a bag of bacon flavoured crisps,
and to show I was a man of taste I asked for Dutch beer.
Time runs fast, when you are drunk, suddenly eight too late
for the plane home that left at nine o’clock. One more beer
and I will be ok. Got another plane, without my luggage, as
I could not remember the hotel where I had slept on the floor.
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