As I live, I like to learn
and learning's fun for me
Music, science, Physic's
Math and History
Art and Language Are most fun
I love Geography
But lately some new subjects
Have really challenged me
Looking at my cell phone
I have just one more wish
That in time I could find
A way to speak Spam-ish
Chorus
I really am sorry and I don't mean to be rude
But until I learn this language,
There's only one thing I can do
I know it's not very nice
And surely that is true
Cause it seems I have no other choice
I'm hanging up on you
Looking at my cell phone
I have just one more wish
That in time I could find
A way to speak Spam-ish
It seems like your finances have evaporated
but don't fret sweetheart
today I emerged victorious
with a small sum of money
and wish your dear soul to share in this joy
So let the poetic
beauty of turning setbacks
into opportunities
inspire you to navigate
the realms of financial security
Plus, choose reward
for your unwavering commitment
"USB Charging Donut" OR
"Insulated Trunk Organizer"
Tossing electronically-bottled messages
into the wild blue sea yonder
will they float like a boat or sink like a stone
it only makes me ponder
as optimistically-inclined
I often wonder why
some say, 'Send me an email,'
but then never reply
do my bottles circumnavigate the globe
or stay in the Sargasso for ever and a day
are they wrecked on the rocks of spam
while typing I waste my days and nights away
No so funny, man,
Feeding me spam,
Morbidly yours, all right,
More verbs, how blight,
Don't waste your words,
You're beyond absurd,
Negative chaff and chatter,
Really does not matter,
Get over yourself,
Get off that shelf,
Go get a life,
Signed, your only wife!
No one believes your spam,
Morbidly yours, now scram!
The thing I hate most is getting SPAM
I got an e-mail from SPAM I AM
He had a new diet
And said I should try it
But it consisted mainly of HAM
Still living 'bove ground
inside a box, outskirts of town
Begged every day, helped him pay
for coffee, a smoke, a tin of ‘spam filet’
Gave him two quarters every time I drove by
Thought of myself as a ‘generous guy’
Other drivers zoomed past him hand closed
though many were poverty-opposed
Today, I noticed his face seemed drawn
I pulled over, said ‘Get in; What’s going on?’
He tried to talk, words struck in his throat
Instead he spit blood on his old shabby coat
Drove up to the nearest ER
Got him into admissions
When I understood, he’s a public charge
To say 'Sorry' ~ I turned toward a stiff
in the rigor mortis position
Oh you pitiful copycat,
fake accounts you’re getting fat;
Polluting my shadow Spam,
you can’t be who I am;
That’s a dead person’s photograph.
He blunders around grocery stores.
Impulse buying - compelling.
Back home
he looks at the bagged,
wonders why,
wonders
if he will also charge around
tomorrow.
The larder, the pantry
the stacked cans
of all kinds of Spam
gleam untouched
but one day -
you never know.
Keep your bacon, keep your ham
Keep your loganberry jam
No pastrami
No salami
In my sarnie I want Spam
Ain’t no bones, ain’t no brains
Ain’t no seeds, ain’t no grains
Slightly spicy
Tasty nicey
Spam ain’t got any veins
And the tin that it’s in
Kinda square, kinda thin
Ring pull lid
Key got rid
Spam don’t slice off your skin
So that’s Spam; good to eat
Not some cheap luncheon meat
Fried or cold
I’m just sold
Because Spam can’t be beat
Spam-O-Rama-Dama
Try this tonight: One Shot Keto Fungus Destroyer. Put
This spice in your shoes to Fix Toenail Fungus and
Toxic Liver Backwash ...Overnight (Doctors Stunned)
MELT Fat Away with this 2,500-Year-Old Secret, and Stoke
YOUR metabolic furnace NO Dieting NO Exercise, Thought OR Surgery.
If You Can Flush a Toilet, You Can Do This (Doctors Consumptive)
SAVAGE SEX!!! Up to 12 Inches YOUR PLUS 12 Inches,
Hazda Tribal Elders Reveal Ancient Elongation Secret
Money Back if Overwhelmed Longitudinally (Doctors Emulsified)
Congratulations: YOU HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED (You Flushing Buff,
Fungus-Free Penilally Salient Spam Savage, You) Confirm
Your Order Now: Confirmation Code 123.asol (Share with No-One)
Plausibly Certifiable Medical Experts standing by. They have seen
you coming for a while now, and Eagerly Await to Verify YOUR
Personal Information for Quality Assurance at NO EXTRA charge.
Remember when spam was made out of ham
Now that it calls, you don't know who it am
Don’t they know where it’s going?
So much time they are wasting;
Robotic spam we are stuck
with holiday email junk;
Life ticking as I sit deleting.
All day Franco-American spaghetti-suckers
do not make connoisseurs' lips pucker
Neither do grilled spiders and a side of beans
appeal to kings or to queens
When looking to make a culinary splash
never serve reheated corned-beef hash
And even if you're in a real time jam
fuggetabout cold pizza topped-off with spam
Just stick to the basics, you'll surely succeed
~ A dozen raw eggs afloat in seaweed
I’ve never tasted Spam before
And don’t intend to do it,
Although, unless I try, I know
That I should not pooh-pooh it.
I wouldn’t even think of Spam,
The food that I am scorning,
If not for getting, on my phone,
A daily “Spam Risk” warning.
Some days it happens several times
From unfamiliar places,
Where spammers sit and make the calls
Behind their unseen faces.
I never answer if I see
That “Spam Risk” message blinking,
But just that word, you understand,
Provokes me into thinking.
Imagine on the other end,
A scammer with his planned pitch
Making calls all day while chomping
On his favorite canned Spam sandwich!
Dear Jessica
Thanks for emailing
Even if you are a
45 year old guy smoking stogies in your basement
With a hard drive full of JPG babes.
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