I have just made a startling observation -
with a bit of important information.
My cats really own the house.
(I'm sure you're thinking "How?")
Well, the term "homeowner"
contains the word "meow"!
A woman is burned to death on a NY subway train
Yawn
Murderer Mangione raises $200k on Go-Fund-Me
Yawn
Homeowner is jailed for ousting a squatter
Yawn
POTUS commutes 37 of 40 death row executions
Yawn
Night settles in ~
No sightings of dawn
Sump pump is broken
Constant water run
Plumbers cost money
Homeowner is sad
Waits a bit too long
The basement floods
Ruins couches
Bedding thrown out
Salvage nothing
Expensive
Life lesson
Plumber comes
Nasty
Stump pump
Flood
The designer loved watermelon more than the homeowner ever had.
I am not going to pay for it the homeowner told her builder dad.
But the designer is your mother, and she thought you would love it.
She took an axe to it and told her overbearing mother to “shove it”.
Someone who proudly displays their greatest material accomplishment in life
Do you see many snacks on the counter?
Perhaps the homeowner eats many,
and the snacks you see were set out yesterday
to be gone tomorrow.
Perhaps the homeowner does not eat them at all,
and the snacks you see were a gift,
or an ill-considered purchase.
We will always judge,
but let us not be too hasty in our conclusions.
13 July 2023
P.S. How many weeks will it take for me to get through the pretzel sticks and tortilla chips on my counter? I have no idea, but I imagine some of them will still be around in September :)
A spider can scare a lady
A mouse can scare one too
A snake can scare a homeowner
who finds one in his shoe
Some kids are scared of dogs
others fear a skunk
even more than rats or possums ~
All this is what I've thunk
No trespassing! You with the straw hat you need to go
You’ve a startled face that laughs as you scratch your belly
Recycle man and your thirty-nine-gallon bag in tow
There’s nothing to salvage here, only rubbish I throw
It’s my property which you invade, you’re in my alley
No trespassing! You with the straw hat you need to go
You're an eyesore to behold, I told you long ago
But words mean nothing, man of rubbish so smelly
Recycle man and your thirty-nine-gallon bag in tow
My hands shake, I pray that you don’t come by tomorrow
I’ve seen you eat out of the can, this isn’t a deli
No trespassing! You with the straw hat you need to go
A penny a dime a quarter, it's chump change you borrow
What can these empties buy what is your tally?
Recycle man and your thirty-nine-gallon bag in tow
Haunting dreams in which you appear, it irks me so
I’ll set a trap for you, a poisoned biscuit and jelly
No trespassing! You with the straw hat you need to go
Recycle man and your thirty-nine-gallon bag in tow
When did grass become a religion?
The perfect green, weed-free lawn
The goal of every homeowner?
Whole companies now exist solely
To maintain this suburban vision
With “lawn control” fertilizers and
A multitude of weed killer sprays,
In the process destroying habitat
And poisoning butterflies and the bees
We need for pollination of fruits,
Vegetables and a host of flowering plants.
Constant watering depletes reserves
And wastes our precious resource.
Hail to those who have dandelions
And chickweed growing in their lawn
Or those who plant native grasses
And hardy local plants and flowers.
Hurrah for those who opt for vegetable
Gardens in the place of lawns and who
Plant shrubs and flowers that attract
and nurture the elements of nature.
A seasoned cat burglar
climbs through
the kitchen window;
his eyes scanning
left, right, front, and back...
"Good, no one's home,"
or so he fought.
He tiptoes through the house,
going from room to room,
rummaging through drawers
and stuffing knick knacks
into an open backpack
he's wearing
in front.
Before long, he sees a shadow
appear on the wall;
someone's behind him.
As soon as he turns his head
for a look see...
"POW!"...knocked out, cold.
He came to...
a hulking blurry figure
standing over him....
"You came to the wrong house, and the cops are on their way!,"
the homeowner shouted.
Date written: 06/13/2021
backyard squirrels gone
feral felines licking paws
distraught homeowner
May 31, 2021
Every man with a sense of purpose has what he wants: a homeowner – a homeownership; a slickster, as slick as a public pool’s bottom, – a public pool; a villain – curses; a hero – a commemorative plaque on the wall of the house wherein he lived for a quarter century with his miserable marriage. I want nothing, ergo, I have nor marriage, nor curses, nor plaque, nor homeownership. I have no pool either.
Here we have an illustration of the deficiencies of a freelancer's lifestyle.
untangling his nets,
the hardy homeowner
lays out Xmas lights
on his snow-covered drive.
I don't want to leave
I've always wanted my own house,
there's no point in arguing with you
so I stay quiet like a mouse.
You say we'll have to move next Fall
I think you're jumping the gun,
you always get like this when bills are bad
you always want to run.
Stop being such a cry baby
we'll make it through,
you know, they're my bills as well
paying them isn't always up to you.
I will get a damn job
so stop being in your cry baby mode,
take a damn chill pill
it's not only us going down this road.
If I get a job though
you have to promise me this,
stop drinking and flushing our money
every time you take a piss.
It isn't fair to me
because you feel this way,
my dream of being a homeowner, shattered
I guess that's the price I'll pay.
Copyright Cynthia Jones
May.13/2015
Terminator Box
Terminator Box
The man was emailing every name in the phonebook he was frantically sending
out emails to everyone alive the terminus box is all the subject line would say
and as the text there is the question marks and the blood on the page
The ps went quick then the q lined up on the page Quickamore Horatio was the
only entry there in a phonebook so far full of only despair Hello what's this the
homeowner looked at his computer screen it was beeping a strange glowing
color at him "yew have one new message" over and over again in multicolor hue
and glowing some too please answer me please over and over again the
Terminator Box is killing us all this city is besieged by the devil my friend and the
terminus box was attached to the leg of the chair my computer was on. The poor
man is gone he died while Horatio was getting the call. Quickamore pressed
enter just once.
That's when he noticed my terminator box.
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