Lets be really clear
A crystal clear plan to get near the man
Just Follow the titty twister
Just follow the hooha hurriCAN
Follow as sure as you stand
On two feet we dominate
On two knees we congregate
With a Gang of my precious baby friends in my face
In the foot race in the first race
I place fate on a sure thing
On the street the heat sits
On 4 wheels at least
So many more wheels on the beast
What is the HooHa HurriCAN
What is the titty twister
She looks just like your sister
And your best friends sister too
A really big sister crew full of sister
We knock on a 454
We ball on cams and lifters
Positraction on the main attraction
Attracted the sister
We are twisted insane and laughing
Were twisted insane and laughing
Even though the girls got me trapped
in I keep ing rappin
Hey
Ya
Ya Im talking to you
You ing thing you
You beautiful lil banger
Im never quick to anger
and your no stranger
Your no rookie at this
Most Valuable lil p lil
Come on go ahead
and pee on my dick
See if I flex and
See if I flex on it
If I'm gonna flex on anything
Imma flex on your **** x 2
3 Tymez the business
3 Tymez the crack
3 Tymez the witness
Im 3 tymz back
Its 3 tymez rap
What could I bring you Gran?
This did her heart good.
But she did not need anything.
Just come back safe, she told her grandson.
He did.
Over and over and over.
Forty years later he was still coming back safe.
The last few years he had brought her flowers.
Sunflowers, roses, daisies, lavender, lilies,
Lilac, cone flowers, zinnias, he was a thoughtful grandson.
At the age of sixty-two his heart wore out.
But on her birthday there were flowers.
From your grandson in heaven, it read.
She smiled for a week.
When you're burgling, awareness is best;
When he saw her, he thought 'twas in jest.
Forgetting the shih tzu,
Or Granny's jujitsu,
Both his shirt and some charges were pressed.
Theft and laundering just do not pay,
Not when Granny is holding the spray.
Got starched for his error,
He stiffened in terror;
Slapped with irons, they took him away.
----------
for the Limerick Poetry Contest
sponsored by Lisa YY
written on 07/15/2022
Turbo Gran’s Zimmer is right by her side
Her head is tipped back and her mouth open wide
Time was she saved every human alive
On land or in flight or a deep ocean dive
The armchair recliner impossibly old
Just get a new one, she’s often been told
She never spent money on night cream for wrinkles
All her spare cash went on sauces and sprinkles
Kids loved her ice cream, they also loved Gran
They barely believed that she fought like a man
But now she lies still, with the cat she likes best
Turbo and Nitro, two heroes at rest
But when her phone rings and it’s screen comes alight
She opens one eye and prepares for the fight
Thus, when the call comes, she stands firm and steady
It seems then, Dear reader, she’ll go when she’s ready.
Gran had had a busy night
And so I manned the van
I said if you want ice cream, Kids
This evening, I’m your man
All the children shouted out
It’s Gran we want to see
Because there’s not much cash about
She gives us ice creams free
I said that's just the kind of thing
That Ice Cream Gran would do
So if she gives out free ice cream
I’ll do the same thing too
Those kids sure had an appetite
And many asked for two
A couple ordered three or four
And soon my stock was through
I drove the van around to Gran’s
Its chimes I couldn’t ring
For when she let me take the van
She said, ‘DON’T TOUCH A THING.’
I told her that the kids were grateful
For her charity
But when I told her what I meant
She simply glared at me
And when she spoke she said to me
You know of you I’m fond
But those kids saw you coming
You were well and truly conned
In future I will serve the kids
And combat villains too
And telling of my exploits?
Well, I’ll leave THAT to you.
My old gran had an ice cream van
And a bright green cape and a madcap plan
She’s out to save her fellow man
And with her walking frame, she can
Each night she prowls the felon’s range
Disturbing owls and foxes
She takes the van so she can change
For there are no phone boxes
She parks up at the end of night
And hobbles home by day’s first light
Today she caught a mugger’s sight
Who mocked my Gran’s heroic fight
‘Fighting crime is not a game
You’re just some soppy, daft old, dame
You’re leaning on that walking frame
To get some place or other.
‘Without your cape you’ve no disguise
Without your mask over your eyes
It might be wise to realise
You’re just some kid’s grandmother.’
Grandma raised her walking frame
Toward from where the voice had came
She asked the thug, ‘Have you no shame?’
And with her walking frame, took aim
One leg sprayed out chocolate sauce
Another leg sprayed sprinkles
Then Grandma pressed a button
And her van played tuneful tinkles
She gave the thug a wily grin
‘You’ll get the slammer some day
But today I’ve turned you in…
to an ice cream sundae.’
full of care
the face of gran,
life,lines her beauty
so fair-
this girl
full of care,
this face of love
'cross memory's chasm
I stare,
so sad-
youthfulness
we could not share
apart ...by kin's time-line
divide
Two weeks of sun at Xmas and new year
Palm Oasis in our nineteenth year
Always a joy around the pool we sat
Never did we think to make a friend
Called Boris the cat
The old chap was friendly and his nose had seen many battles
We called him Boris as he resembled our Prime Minister
His white fur also a mess but not so sinister
He would take his afternoon nap
Curled up on Rita's lap
Both seemed to enjoy each others friendship
Laying in the sun
Now both new friends sharing fun
Two weeks flew by lazy by the pool
But it was now over and time to go
We love you Boris and see you again in two years
You never know
You was so loving and caring,
Who never believed in anyone swearing,
You always told me off when I had my music blaring,
But gran you was never ever uncaring,
You was such an inspiration,
Who gave me alot of motivation,
I'll never forget the laughs we had whilst you put on your foundation,
Before we went out and waiting at the bus station ,
You was just like a mom,
Who was always there for me to keep me calm,
I'll never forget your face when I went to prom,
I loved holding your hand within my palm,
You had a heart of gold,
Who I loved to hold,
We loved to laugh when you washed up with your marigold,
Thankyou for your wise words when I went to college to enrol,
7 years ago my heart broken when you died,
I sat there and all my eyes did was cried,
I sat beside to absolutely petrified,
But at least I now know you will always be by my side.
Strange things happened that last time my Grandpa drove to town
He scrapped a nine eleven and mowed a phone booth down
Folkies in the future will very likely sing
The man trashed a McDonald’s but spared a Burger King
It barely made the papers, just local news in some
Someone should have told them that there was worse to come
Spielberg’s gonna make a movie, if the rumour’s sound
Of the total devastation when Grandma drove to town
19 December 2018
For Succinct contest
Sponsor Michelle Faulkner
Gran
I’m at me Gram’s for tea tonight
She’ll have the fire stoked up nice
Run me a bath and make me tea
She likes to fuss and look after me
I walk through the door an I’m unwrapped
Scarf, Hat, Gloves hands round face clasped
She smells of Lavender and Mint Humbugs
Through layers of wool come wonderful hugs
I’m ushered into her parlour, and sat in the chair
She puts more wood on the fire, and red cheeks flare
We talk about my day, and Dad in the Navy
Dinners ready, Pie, Mash, Peas and Gravy
The doorbell rings and Mums home from work
I collect all my bags and give Gran a smirk
“Go on with you” she says, and gets sweets from the tin
Mum opens the car door and I clamber in
I love my Gran, and she loves me
Can’t wait to go next week for tea
I was just a child,
My heart did not know pain.
But I returned from school one day
My world never was the same
I learned that you had left us,
To join with the angels high above,
And the bitter tears fell down pale cheeks
In contrast with sweet love.
My heart had broken, shattered,
pieces strewn across the floor.
I longed to hear your voice again
And to embrace you just once more.
How was it so possible,
For a love to slip away?
For you to be taken from us so cruelly,
To never see the light of day?
I write for you, my loved one,
I write straight from the heart.
Ad I hope that if you happen to look down,
You’re at least proud of me for that.
You are the inspiration
Behind this poem than I write
And my words can not revive you
But I can hope that one day,
Maybe, they just might.
Christmas eve night coming home
When grand marketing is done
Foot stepping high over stony loam
Heart panting for the merry fun
Suddenly the noise is not the same
The humming of figuring tongues
Changed to bush crackling with flame
The frantic scream of happy lungs
The scampering glee of feet, and there
The lurid lurch of masks, and fifes
Wooing me close to the bantering air
Of drums: jon kunno! A whip of strifes
Lashes out from the past, a sweet peel
Of laughter says hush, we are healed.
When you hit life’s low
in deep confusion
of which it seemed no end,
I recall you thanking God
for one’s family also I
your grandson a very good friend.
Whilst your body racked with pain
torment you could not hide
an instance of loving charms,
when from your heart
a welcome sincere
within ever open arms.
© Harry J Horsman 2010
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