Ice Cream Gran
My old gran had an ice cream van
And a bright green cape and a madcap plan
She’s out to save her fellow man
And with her walking frame, she can
Each night she prowls the felon’s range
Disturbing owls and foxes
She takes the van so she can change
For there are no phone boxes
She parks up at the end of night
And hobbles home by day’s first light
Today she caught a mugger’s sight
Who mocked my Gran’s heroic fight
‘Fighting crime is not a game
You’re just some soppy, daft old, dame
You’re leaning on that walking frame
To get some place or other.
‘Without your cape you’ve no disguise
Without your mask over your eyes
It might be wise to realise
You’re just some kid’s grandmother.’
Grandma raised her walking frame
Toward from where the voice had came
She asked the thug, ‘Have you no shame?’
And with her walking frame, took aim
One leg sprayed out chocolate sauce
Another leg sprayed sprinkles
Then Grandma pressed a button
And her van played tuneful tinkles
She gave the thug a wily grin
‘You’ll get the slammer some day
But today I’ve turned you in…
to an ice cream sundae.’
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