J=Juniper berry oil for hair,
U=Urinary health wellness care.
N=Natural detoxifier if I dare,
I=Improving circulation with a prayer.
P=Promoting healthy aging is what I need,
E=Evergreen small shrub I will plant and feed.
R=Reducing skin irritation so I do not bleed.
self disgust
and disappointment
for the slip-up
but I need to know
what cheapens intimacy
devaluing myself
devalues anyone
with whom I
would share something
valuable
it's why
I'm detoxing from
all these dopamine pumps
and anesthestics
(gambling and alcohol)
how could online "intimacy"
not be included in
the mix that
keeps me from
feeling
all must go
until this backlog
can be managed
The quiet moments
Of my day
Reveal the words
I'd love to say
More in the wings
Than headline star
Not quite goodbye
More au revoir
No end, just waiting
At the start
The work horse
Eager for a cart
A sense of purpose
Nowhere to wander
DNR
For first responder
It's kind of weird
This sense of loss
Yet beautiful
Above the dross
The ache a pill
Just can't restore
Quite satisfied
Yet wanting more
Suppose it's Time
Our ancient friend
Who walks us home
'Til healings end
While head is full
Of hopes and oughts
Addictive you
Pervades my thoughts
So addictive is the pursuit of wealth,
it becomes an incurable disease,
diminishing soul’s light, ruining our health,
birthing desire demons we need to please,
a quicksand from where there seems no release.
Be this as it may, if we choose we can,
rest thought flow and perform a head-heart scan,
then in staid silence, detect source of lust,
rekindling innocence like Peter Pan,
exude love whilst knowing this form’s but dust.
Sweating profusely while staring at six grams of pure pleasure on the coffee table.
My stomach is deprived of relief two days going.
My spoon gives the tea a burned taste that elevates my nausea.
The nights feel longer as the days burn brighter.
Depression is compassion in the time leading to the death of my former self.
Detox;
Inside the tornado
calm is a paradox;
Blissful with vertigo
no need to look at clocks;
That gale;
Flat spins are relaxing,
storm blows I can exhale;
Lifted blindly grinning
my head releases hail;
Display
the rage that lies inside;
They'll have nothing to say,
you have nothing to hide;
What is fear anyway?
I never knew angst to be so devilish a thing
Taking me from a million clean years,
To ABC house of booze, because,
My blood money was abused by him
Wrecking the Kia Sportage I was strapped in
A passenger, pained to point of surgeries.
And on a rainy morning he swore resenting
Driving me to physical therapy,
And before the settlement, made his request:
"...Do my bathroom floor like yours."
And half of what I got was to be his
He carved such rules I broke in time
And kept secret what figures were mine.
But, lo and behold I sat pondering, counting pennies
And the devil drove me to think...
I should drink to that
All I got, and shared, and fail to stash.
Who knew Canadian whiskey would whisk me to detox?
And I, a recovering addict/alcoholic chose house of God
In AA I'd sit with alcoholics sharing what they drank,
How, when, where.
I'd rather say never again.
*
Alone. Screaming in agony
Out loud and also in my brain
Turn it off. Phase it out
GIve me something for the pain
Writhing under the sweat stained sheets
Trembling, shaking out of control
Can’t get up. Can’t make sense
How did this destroy my soul?
A slight lifeless turn to the right
The empty bedpan is filled once more
With the vitriol I’ve spewed
The disgusting mouth of a thought whore
Big H and smack are one in the same
You become a user and you get used
The tables turn quickly and when they do
The accuser becomes the accused.
1. Keep your freedom with a passion.
2. No offense, just compassion.
3. Thankfully smile
4. Live in the big picture for awhile.
5. In prayer, look above
6. Overflow with love.
7. Trust
8. No dread; its a must.
9. To enjoy; do you know how?
10. Relax now
11. Take a deep breadth
12. Say, "Thankyou Heavenly Father, I choose life, not death! In Jesus name,
Amen."
You come in as submissive
My inner circle you dominate
Blood line circulate never ovulates
One silly move
you in it for weeks
I meditate your lust
My past I garden you to die
Water you to drown
Milk it
my bones will carry me
Breathe, weed, smoke, air was always air
Lifeless solutions you benefit
I live to regret
My faith in you contemplate
Traditional quick but puppets
Bloom or follow dooms leads
Here everybody drains the swamp
The chunks of toxic glitter
And brazen meat
Intelligible only to the daunted fool
Who filled it so
Pour the acid wash
Of peace and indulgence
To cleanse the slop o’ plenty
Time for mixes and fixes
That clear paths meant
For hot-air balloon rides
The kind that tussle deep in minds
Your liquid child
Who gulps, swallows and bears
The scorekeeper’s duties
Flits to the sounds of no one
The barracks are full this morning
Everyone spent from their rustic tasks
And yet for each
An adventure conducted
A melee for the me, the you
Which song was meant for
Nature, well-planted
Well-colored and ready to play
Nurture, whipped and spun
By the gunslinger’s steady hand
Brought together by
The collective spirit
Lurking in each room
Strewn, lathered across
Each chaise lounge
Splashing, soaking
In the wet, cool debris
Healthy debris
Doggy bags supplied
To bring home
The leftovers
Eager to be consumed.
(6/10/18)
LOVE is a drug she wishes she would no longer need.
She cuts open her heart just to watch it bleed.
Hoping to detox she turns and walks away.
Giving up her dreams of a husband and a family of her own some day.
Setting her standards higher as she tries to save face.
Crying herself to sleep. Longing to feel a loving embrace.
In a world where love has lost all meaning or is most often confused with lust
Why does she choose to remain good when men prefer their females promiscuous?
Ripping her heart from her sleeve because she can no longer deal.
She has grown tired of trying to mend her heart that never had time to heal.
So pay her no mind if you see tears fill her eyes.
For she is the Crooked Smile Calypso and every night she cries.
Check your cell phone at the door
And welcome to the bash.
No technology allowed,
So ditch your secret stash.
Cut yourself off from your friends
And give your thumbs a break.
We have experts who can help –
Withdrawal’s hard to take.
There are fun activities
To keep you occupied.
Make a bracelet out of hemp –
Materials supplied.
Play some ping pong – shoot some pool;
There’s a foosball table.
Watch some old-time TV shows
From years preceding cable.
Test your typing skills – clack clack;
The paper’s on a roller!
Note the errors you can make
When you are the controller.
Everyone’s invited –
See if you can pass the test,
A night to disconnect
And give those mobile phones a rest.
These parties really do exist –
Restraint is in one’s power;
But most of the participants
Don’t even last an hour!
Jumping from a plane, falling with the rain
Landed on a train but never felt the same...
I couldn't touch the ground even when I tried...
I went into shock and almost died...
I always felt alone, so I always got stone...
From the cradle to the grave, to the king on his throne...
I'm reaching out for help...
Only one hand I held...
She's special, she's real...
She's every drug I feel...
I'm detoxing for her I guess you can say love...
Cause in reality, she is.. my only drug.
Stare into my blood shot eyes
As I lie on the floor in rage,
Nothing reduces my symptoms,
Not one thought takes the edge off,
Thinking myself into sickness
from lack of having my newest addiction,
My stomach turns and tightens inside,
Soon my coughs will become vomit,
Take it away or return it at once
before dizziness takes control,
My head pounds with my pulse
My body shivers from cold sweats
I want it back, I need it back…
As my hands begin to tremor
My vision becomes dreary,
I have flashbacks, I am losing it…
Please, just one more time,
Let me feel its rush, its magic
I need to taste it once more,
It calls to me, it makes me invincible
when the rest seems to be too weak,
Finally, I feel its power enter me
Finally my withdrawals are less vicious
My symptoms disappear as I feel whole
Once more, I can function awhile longer,
Once more, my addiction is in my hands
In my head, in my veins, soothing me,
Yet, it still tastes sweeter,
It still gives me a head rush,
From shaking on the floor, I now rise,
I am finally complete again,
For she has said, “I love you”
Related Poems