This feels too much like deja vu,
the days and nights of a biblioklept.
It’s what the book-bosomed must do,
taking in every chapter as you slept.
Being such an omnilegent person
it’s hard to run across something fresh.
Reading’s such pure introverted fun,
with each word I want gooseflesh.
I wander to each town bouquiniste
on the lookout for a page turner.
I’m hungry for a clever plot twist,
that story that’s an acid burner.
There is no place I would rather be
then inhaling the scent of this paper.
Serene and content in a lectory
escaping into a wild fictional caper.
I love to go running through my head
inside a space where I have no phobia.
While in reality I am filled with dread
suffering from debilitating abibliophobia.
I baked some cookies, fresh and warm,
Their smell, a perfect, sugary storm.
I turned my back for just a beat,
And came back to a missing treat!
The culprit’s clear, though no one speaks—
It’s furry paws and whiskered cheeks.
A trail of crumbs leads down the hall,
A guilty cat, too proud to call.
I chase him down, he gives a stare,
Like, "What? I'm innocent, I swear!"
But crumbs are clinging to his tail,
And I know well, I’ve lost this tale.
So next time I bake, I’ll make a stand—
Lock the cookies in a jar, so grand!
But for now, I’ll laugh and sigh,
That sneaky cat’s the cookie guy!
Cunning cuckoo, craftily creeping,
Cackling, cawing, constantly cheating!
Clocks keep clanging, chiming, churning,
Cuckoo’s call--chaotic, concerning!
Cranky critters, clueless, confused,
Chased the cheater--cleverly bruised!
Cuckoo, chuckling, cheekily flew,
Claiming nests like cuckoos do!
Wouldn’t trust that cuckoo chap--
Crafty con artist with a claptrap trap!
Abramowicz, Goldstein, and Sol Newman
Went a-caroling with Harry Truman
They warbled ‘Silent Night’
In the wrong key, alright ~
Sol said, “Forget that darn gentile crewman”
Witnessed something today so unbelievable
Couldn't believe my eyes
Lounging in a comfy easy chair at Starbucks
It was busy in the store as usual
Everyone buying a cup of their favourite brew
People filling up with the necessities
Cream, sugar, and stir sticks
One young chap picked up all he needed
But accidentally knocked a white plastic cup on the floor
Then walked away without a thought of picking it up
That in itself was bad enough
Astonished, I then watched perhaps twenty or thirty people
Pass by it, around it, and over it
Without a single one stooping to pick it up
And deposit it in the garbage receptacle
I was totally blown away in utter disbelief
Until finally I could stand it no longer
Got up, walked over, picked it up and disposed of it
As I write this, I am still flabbergasted
What has happened to people
They certainly saw it lying there
A white plastic cup on a dark brown wooden floor
Is it below their dignity to perform this simple act
Is their day so filled with such important things
That they don't have the two seconds it takes
To stoop down, pick it up, and dispose of it
I am still shaking my head
Appealing to my better angels, I try once again
To write a poem which will appeal to the heart,
I pause ever so slightly, wondering where to start
I look out my window, it is beginning to rain.
The droplets are gathering on the windowpane
And I know they are my better angels appearing,
Racing to the bottom of the windowsill, endearing
I capture thoughts of the common, the mundane.
I hurriedly grasp my pen and a sheet of plain paper
Scribbling random words that flood into my brain,
While listening to the rhythms of the falling rain
I come up with a poem about a most creative caper.
Two men are dueling in a backwoods field at dawn
Seems they have chosen harmless weapons of fun
Neither owning a sword, a pistol, or a shot gun
One fancies himself a king, the other a lowly pawn.
Written March 30, 2022
For “Brian Strand’s Premier” poetry contest
Sponsored by Brian Strand
SILVER MEDAL WINNER
"Anything Goes" poetry contest
All Poetry
March 30, 2022
THE TOILET PAPER CAPER
Oh my goodness, oh my gosh
We're totally out of toilet paper
Someone broke in and pilfered it
Known as the toilet paper caper
It's really not a laughing matter
So wipe that silly grin off your face
The FBI's Stolen Bum Wipe Unit
Was called in to take the case
Went around from door to door
Searching for a lead or a clue
Except for a couple of possibilities
Wound up wearing out their shoes
As the leads started growing cold
Up pops this suspicious event
A race being staged at the university
Likely no criminal intent
But the first across the finish line
When they rang the final bell
Was awarded two dozen 3-ply rolls
By the makers of Cottonelle
A lovely, senior named Ruth,
Was told to don ugly goggles, forsooth!
By Canadian powers that be,
That frightened the good citizenry.
She went hobbling to the store.
Ruth, was smacked by the front door.
By a youth in such a hurry,
No apologies, but just like a rat did scurry,
August 20, 2020
5:30pm PST
Spam Caper
There once was a gorgeous lady named Pam.
Whose ardent passion was hot for canned Spam.
She went to market that day.
Nothing unusual, in any way.
Robbed a bank, and is now on the lamb!
August 5, 2020
10am PST
He felt self conscious, insecure,
Inadequate and most unsure.
He looked upon the night with dread,
For he was unadept in bed.
He thought it all was in his pants,
And feared he could not do the dance;
And then he saw it on T.V.,
With insane grin they touted "V".
It would make him a super man,
And she would be his biggest fan.
So off he went to the pharmacy,
To buy a box, or maybe three.
He popped a pill and to his surprise.
It grew before his very eyes;
So he took another just for fun,
He over dosed and was undone.
The paramedics laughed out loud,
When they saw how he was endowed.
He was too big for his britches,
And it left them all in stitches.
"My God!" the doctor said entranced,
It looks just like a big egg plant.
We're gonna have to drain that thing,
So hang on tight it's gonna sting.
Our hero learned his lesson well,
Though he had to go through Hell.
Though some think the stuff is grand,
Viagra does not make the man.
(the person depicted above is fictional and any similarities to real persons living or dead is unintentional)
Urchin on a cedar swing,
summer mist inhaler,
noonday shriek and frolic,
mother blowing fragrant blossoms
at her golden offspring.
Lavenders amid the shrouded reverie
pave a mystic wonderland aglow
My halloween candy went missing one day
The usual suspects came into play
The clues were quite easy to unveil
The culprit had left a candy wrapper trail!
The trail ended at little brother's door
He had pulled off this caper the year before
I called his name, he came running out
I said "Boo" and he let out a shout
It was the same for a few years
He'd take my treats then get a good scare!
---
10-17-19
If I Were Your Brother Contest
Sponsor: Bobby May
A crazy fellow named Paul
That liked to go to the mall
Did a caper
With some paper
That they said was "Off the wall"
To this day it's still a close call
To what they even meant at all
Was it the caper,
Or just the paper,
That they described as off the wall?
My kitty explains she has no refrain-
as her art is mastered,
all over the floor it's plastered!
Why doesn't kitty embrace the look on my face?
She thinks I never saw
what she did with her paws!
That's not what toilet paper is for, sweet kitty!
even though you think your artwork is pretty.
The day before last more artwork was cast,
I came home from the store-
toilet paper I need more,
does she not understand what I use it for?!?
It's for my bathroom time-
not all over the floor!
Kitty doesn't know I do love her so,
I try to go with the flow but when will it end?
I try to pretend I'm not mad cuz' she's so cute,
I act astute but to art class I'll send!
She can learn to use real parchment,
spread all over the apartment-
it's better than toilet paper-
she's such a messy caper!
My kitty assures me her artwork is lovely-
if I stole her litter box, she wouldn't be snuggly!
October 30, 2016
Local Newspaper Caper
To local newspaper will not subscribe again
Now no longer put any of my new poems in
Which people in past loved reading greatly
But in paper are not there as of lately.
To me. people are singing the same old song;
This time what again have you done wrong
Are they afraid you will upset the apple cart?
Don't they have sense of humor or any heart?
Just as I expected and do fervently fear
They never will give my poems a good cheer
It is a case of something which will sicken
On themselves, they all are awe-stricken.
James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran
So what do you think?
Sub Categories
Looking for the formal definition, structure, and history of this poetry form? Visit the Poetry Dictionary entry below. Then return to explore how PoetrySoup members bring the form to life through their own poems.