Best Gee Whiz Poems
Hotwired the orgasmatron
headed out on sixty-nine
know there’s nothin up ahead
and even less behind.
Pagination, pixilation
nothing seems to work
maybe just I’m gettin old
maybe just a jerk
off that is
gee whiz
can’t ya take a joke?
Lost in smoke
years since last toke
days since last drink
I think.
As ya'll can see
rhyme don't agree
with me,
so back to blank
slate, mate
and the cheque's
on you.
Iambic to the core
commonman’s snore
such a bore.
Straight from the soul
infinite whole
or is that hole,
wasn’t this
supposed to be
erotica?
Never know
have to go
Now.
Jack the Quatrain King a possible moniker
When it comes to quatrains, he’s an astonisher
With humor and wit he deliver’s his world view
Unfortunately now, he’s part of a silly clerihew
Linda or A Poet Destroyer
I didn’t know poetry had Warriors
I read some poems and she loved to fight
I would just read and think, that aint right
Seren Roberts, a welsh girl, yes she proudly is
Call her English and you prolly won’t here gee whiz
A poet and an artist I know this much is true
But did she write a poem talking about fox poo?
This is all in good humor towards three of my favorite poets here. Hopefully no one gets offended and if they do I’ll be happy to remove this.
Her name was Ethel....(yes, like the gasoline)
She smelled of menthol...(much like Vick's Vaseline)
A long time neighbor, from down the lane
She was married twice...(or was it thrice?)...
A widowed lady, we knew her well
A bit disgruntled, and a bit dismantled
A bit unusual.....a bit disturbed
and most the time, seemed quite perturbed!!
And as a kid....of her, I feared!
So scared of her that when she came .....Holy Moly, off I'd run!
And hide away..........'til she was gone!
She was a mix of ice.....a tad of nice....
But my mother trusted her sage advice
She had a cure for most everything....some seemed rather sensible
Some quite extreme!!!
The worst indeed..............(Please excuse my dilemma!)
She believed in the (OMG!!) THE ENEMA!!
(Well....now you can see .....just why I hid!!)
And castor oil..............gahhhhhh.......how disgusting!!
Should only be used when parts are rusting!!!!!!
And an old rag wrapped and rubbed on your wart
Then into a hole.....dug out by the fort....
Yep!! Now, why would a dishrag buried in the yard
Could have such power to rid.................................A WART??
Ridiculous notions....all of her potions......but...
Golly, Gee Whiz! , I'll have to say...
That I've been wart free.........since buried rag days!!
Oh, Miss Ethel..............perhaps you were weird....
but you would fix a mother's fears...
Could you still fix-up all my own....
all of my fears....after all these years?
Just NO MORE ENEMAS!!! Please Miss Ethel.....
Oh !! my dear !!
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‘Great Scott, shucks and darn, I’ve gone and lost a shoe’
cursed the elephant followed by ‘this simply will not do!’
‘The blasted thing is far too loose, I should have had it mended!
So, whoever has found my shoe must now be apprehended!
I’ll search all day and through the night, for months if it be needed,
I will not give up the search until I have succeeded.
They cost a mint and are the finest shoes in all the land,
To think someone has got my shoe is a thought I cannot stand!’
The search began with lion Bill who also loved his shoes,
but he had to catch him quick as he was packing for his cruise
‘I do not have your shoe’ said Bill ‘you really are a clot!
For I’m size nine and you’re a twelve, unless you had forgot?’
He searched each house one by one but couldn’t find his shoe,
He even tried Hyena Geoff, Tim the Hogg and all the Zebras too.
None of them had seen his shoe or even had a notion,
But Jemima the Gazelle did suggest a memory potion.
Crocodile Joe mixed him a concoction of the finest,
said ‘this should help you find your shoe or else will help your sinus!’
‘Gee whiz, son of a gun and jumpin’ Jiminy Cricket,
My shoe is at the cobblers shop it says so on this ticket!’
Can't believe I'm penning this mess,
but I must address the gifted poetess,
Jan Allison has a degree from the
distinguished Poot-Toot University,
she has a PhD in Fartology.
An expert she is,
and, gee whiz,
anyone who writes of farts
so funnily,
is the "Queen of Flatulence,"
a PoetrySoup decree!
And yes, I know some are offended
by potty humor,
but we need comic relief in
the literary til we laugh ourselves
into a stupor,
as this world has much strife,
even if it's gaseous,
laughter heals life. ~
A zebra looked in the mirror one day
His stripes were fading from black to green
His eyes looked sallow and his stomach upset
Like when he ate too much candy on Halloween
He took some brown paint and covered his green stripes
Remembering the color wheel from third grade art
Brown plus green equals a return to black
He looked in the mirror and said, “Gee whiz! I’m smart!”
Written by Gwendolen Rix
5-20-14
For my grandson Sebastian
Black-Eyed Peas for New Year’s Meal
Black-Eyed Peas
Black-Eyed Peas
I’m going to freeze
If I don’t eat Black-eyed peas
On New Year’s Day
Black-Eyed Peas
Black-Eyed Peas
Gee Whiz please!
Gotta have those Black-eyed peas
Mammy and Pappy always
Said, “Eat Black-eyed peas
And you will have plenty of monies
The rest of the year and live in ease.”
Black-Eyed Peas
Black-Eyed Peas
Play a little ditty while cooking those
Black-eyed peas
Cook them with bacon, or ham bones
Fatback or hog jowls
Serve with a
Side of collard, turnip, or mustard greens
And golden brown sweet cornbread please
Black-Eyed Peas
Black-Eyed Peas
Mammy and Pappy always
Said, “You can live with a little passing gas
On New Year’s Day
To enjoy having plenty of monies
The rest of the year and live in ease.”
Black-Eyed Peas
Black-Eyed Peas
I’m going to freeze
If I don’t eat Black-eyed peas
On New Year’s Day
12/29/2016
This is something old Walter never talked about
But I wonder if Mickey and Minnie ever made out
Judging by their physiques, might have been quite a challenge
Can't you just imagine Mickey yelling out those bad words
Like, “golly” and “gee whiz" and "this is swell, Miss Minnie”
“You were g-r-r-r-r-e-a-a-a-a-t!!!”
Next time let's do it in your mousey hole*
(* Uh, that's where mousies live, you bad naughty people!”)
Okay I'll never be able to watch another Mickey Mouse cartoon again
Without the visual popping into my brain
Same with Donald and Daisy Duck!
Hope the kiddies never find out!!!
© Jack Ellison 2014
Gee Whiz
I ate a sandwich made of wurst
with four large beers to quench my thirst
because my clothing was of worsted
I was extremely hot and really thirsted
I drank some more and nearly bursted
I ran to the john to relieve my pain
I had to wait for I wasn't firsted
when it was free I hurriedly ran
the whiz came out like heavy rain
after relief I repeated the act
and then went home for another snack
©Ralph Sergi Contest
It's Christmas Eve and little Steve is sleeping like an angel
He knows Santa's sleigh is on the way with cookies on the table
The stockings are hung, the tree is trimmed, the feel of Bliss
The house glows with the warmth and sparkle of Christmas
Jolly Old Saint Nick ever so quick arrives at little Steve's home
He checks his list, nods his chin and with a grin
Leaves little Steve his lump of coal
Ho ho ho off Santa goes
Little Steve wakes right up
Runs down the stairs to see Santa disappear
Dashes for the tree but nothing he can see
Except for him a lump of dark black coal
With a note from the old fat soul
Dear Little Steve,
How have you been?
I know. Oh boy do I know!
Your on the naughty list you know
Your stocking is the one with a hole
If this can not be understood
Next year try being good
Whining crying screaming at the store
Because you want mommy to buy you more
Stealing toys from other kids
Come on now gee whiz
Cheating on your tests
Honestly in school just try your best
Lying is not a game
Can't you feel a little shame
Bullying little kids
Accusing others for what you did
Demanding tones and being rude
Belching and farting ever so crude
Even your little hand got caught
Robbing the Salvation Army pot
Never did you help others out
You are selfish without a doubt
Besides where are the cookies on my plate
The milk you left the cookies you ate
So in closing little Steve
Think of others begin with please
And if you think old Santa unfair
I'm watching you better beware
If toys games and sweets you desire
Start with sorry and aim higher
So stop pouting and being pis___
That's another reason your on the Naughty List.
Love Santa Claus
p.s. That piece of coal in your hand you hold, it's nothing that I bought
just something a reindeer dropped.
HO HO HO Merry Christmas and to all a good night.
AAAARGGGH!!!-little Steve's response
A request by a poet to write
About a pic she sent me tonight
I don't know what it is
Give me a clue, gee whiz
If I write, will it turn out alright
Dane Ann kindly pinged a picture of a plant to write about.
To be honest I never had a Scooby Do what it was, hence my Limerick
I'll be getting detention, amd a note saying 'could do better'
http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-4.php
I’m not a fan of seafood but don’t mind
a tuna salad or fried fish with fries.
In England, that’s called fish ‘n’ chips. I find
the same name used on menus here. My eyes
spy that title easily. I am awed.
By a nice huge serving of fish ‘n’ chips.
The fish is likely halibut or cod,
but the one that passes through my lips
most often is halibut (a flatfish).
It’s firmer – more substantial – than cod is.
However, it costs more than cod. I wish
it wasn’t so dang expensive. Gee whiz!
“Just for the halibut” I ask for it!
But that's no whim; I like it quite a bit.
Golly, yes and gee whiz,
Go get app that and this.
Gizmos rule galaxies.
Gift life the wizardry
Gateway marvels should be.
Gain I not from apps game,
Gaps in brain are to blame.
Date: December 2, 2016
Pleiades G - Kim Merryman
howmanysyllables.com used
After the night storms the morning comes wet, cold, damp, dark and cloudy.
The only shelter I had was the broken down fence that I crawled under.
Oh! How my body hurts I barely made it under I am old, exhausted, starving,
my body is filled with sores, fleas and I know I have worms.
Hunger is something I don’t dread anymore I have accepted it in order to keep
hope alive.
Some days as I wander around the streets I find enough food to fill my stomach.
I eat grass, sticks and drink from muddy water which causes me to be very sick.
Why do people get us as puppy’s and than when we grow up they throw us out in
the streets?
Been a walking for hours now and there is nothing for me to eat, my feet are hurting
they are sore and bleeding will anyone ever care again?
I use to eat from shiny bowls that was filled to over flowing always had fresh, clean
water that tasted so yummy.
Everyone chases me away from their trash there is enough to feed me and others for
Days but they don’t care one bit.
I see many people walking their dogs on leashes, they are the lucky ones it make me
remember when they walked me once or twice, gee whiz what did I do wrong?
I find myself wanting to walk up to them and ask can I come home with you?
I don’t ask them anything because I already know what it is they will say to me and
that is no!
To afraid to ask those humans anything anymore, if they wanted me to be afraid they
did a great job.
Night is here and it’s snowing now, the wind blowing and no one is out and about.
I am searching but can’t find me a safe place to sleep I am losing hope that someone
will find me in time to rescue me.
Four days later as the snow slowly melted they found him laying there he had passed
way from being sick, abused, broken, sad, lonely, hungry, thirsty and heart broken.
. Mouser.
The distillery cat was flat on his back
He’d had too much to drink.
The silly moggy his mind was foggy
He could hardly think.
It was thee day he was on his way
His time was really up.
The rules require he must retire
So he had drunk from the goodbye cup!
Those little mice they didn’t think twice
they quickly ran amok
And in no time felt quite sublime
Could not believe their luck!
Tails in the air, Mouser so unaware
Their party had began.
For life’s a must, much was discussed
Like an employee ownership plan.
“Imagine if, Mouser was a stiff
And we all ruled this place,
By and large we’d be in charge
Something we could all embrace.”
But just at that appeared a Rat,
You know what they all say.
You’re never more than through a door
Away from their decay.
“Well gee whiz, so what is this
We have an open house.”
He said with grin, “I’ll just move in
And go and get my spouse.”
The mice felt down and wore a frown
And thought we can’t have this,
Awake that cat from off his mat
Get him out his drunken bliss.
So it was to great applause
He had ended up quite upset,
They’d got the hose and gave a dose
Of water cold and wet!
Mouser howled then he scowled
Jumped up and cried aloud,
“I’ll get those mice they are my vice
They will end up in a shroud.”
The mice did flee with so much glee
The Rat it disappeared.
Mousers head felt like stale bread
His paws they went real weird.
And so it was, like an arbitration clause
Came in the Big Bad Boss.
“What’s all this noise I don’t enjoys,
I prefer a hearing loss!”
So Mouser stayed, a big blockade
And the mice he tipped a wink,
The big brown Rat, he don’t like a cat
That’s had too much to drink!
Now drink can make you think
It can feel good alright.
Whiskey can make you frisky
But it can also make you fight!
For a Scottish cat enjoys combat
As much as a Father loves his daughter,
Although there is a cure,
maybe it is obscure,
We could of course add water!