Best Silly Poems
Twas the night before Christmas, when all thru the Soup bowl,
Not a poet was writing, not even the musing mole.
All their pens were hung by the chimney with bubble gum,
Hoping Winged Warrior would lose and let them win some.
The poetesses were nestled snuggled in their beds,
With visions of their makeup now surely spreads.
While Silent One was awake only took a silent nap,
Waking Bobby May, who finally took his crappy crap.
Noises from the lawn where SOS was making such a clatter,
He was speaking in Klingon about the Borg mad hatter.
I then slipped by the window and dropped my hash,
Tore open the cupboards to hide the stinky stash.
Brenda Chiri & Susan Ashley were making angels in the snow,
For they were locked out from the bowl and had no place to go.
Lin Lane & Jan Allison got up early to make some grub,
Then left extra early to go to the local pub.
Brandy Nicole and Anne-Lise were looking at the moon,
While the Bard and John Hamilton were playing a chilly tune.
In the morn, Heidi Sands & Connie Wong were ready to write,
Dreaming of winning a contest all through the night.
Charles Messina & Chris Green having an eggnog beer,
As St Victor Buhagiar feeds the lazy reindeer.
A knock at the door and all started to stare,
Why its newbies Midnight Aurora and Hello There.
Now Gershon! now, Andrea! Now, Besma and Regina!
On, Sandra! On, Kimmy! On Caren & down under Maria!
Next time bring deodorant for it smells like a horses stall,
I need some fresh air, fly my pretties fly away all.
...sorry, if I left anyone out...will get you next time!...
~~~Happy! Holidays! Everyone!~~~
Nov.20.2019
The Night Before 2
Sponsored by: Joseph May
Placed 2'nd & POTD~Plus 3'rd in the top 100 New Poems...Thank You
Who was that masked man?!?
Brian Williams, rides again.
He was in Amilia Earhart's plane;
even rode with the Dalton Gang.
The day the Titanic went down;
In the rescue boat when Rose was found.
He went on expeditions with Louis and Clark.
Once gave his seat to Rosa Parks.
He was actually the first man in space.
That shadow on the moon........ It's his face!
The earliest woman, they deemed to be
bones in the desert they named Lucy.
She was his niece, tho she drug her knuckles,
so he really is a monkey's uncle!
He walked miles and miles on the Trail of Tears;
wondered the desert with Hebrews for forty years.
He dated Cleopatra; drank wine with Moses;
gave the Queen of Sheba a camel and roses.
He's walked with Bigfoot in the hills;
been bitten by vampires, but magically heals.
He has had great adventures of every kind.
He's Brian Williams; a legend in his own mind.
Maybe I can be one of those news cast stars.
This is Arlene, reporting from mars........
Couldn't resist this little tribute to the wild stories of reporter Brian Williams who was fired for seemingly padding up his stories....
Words can be whimsical, a merry-go-round
They run in a circle, they bounce up and down
They play hide-and-seek, until they are found
Look how quickly the little ones grow!
Words can seduce like a scandalous dance
They'll perplex the complex, if given a chance
They're as sincere as England, as sexy as France
As reckless as the caution they throw
Words can get tipsy if taken too much
The pretentious go on-and-on about such-and-such
The brutish ones can bail you out in a clutch
The foolhardy don't know they don't know
Words can be tacky, tongue wagging gabs
Words can be lavish and leave you the tab
Words can covertly steal and grab
Their smile is only for show
Words can impulsively issue a dare
Words can react with extravagant flair
But words must always be handled with care
When timing's too slow, for words on the go
Look how quickly the little ones grow!
As reckless as the caution they throw
The foolhardy don't know they don't know
Their smile is only for show
When timing's too slow
For words on the go-
8/7/18
No blue hair or curls for me.
I’ll grow old naturally.
Hanging breasts and flattened bum,
crooked teeth and graying gum.
Sagging knees and chicken skin,
sunny spots and double chin.
Silver streaks through thinning hair,
dimming eyesight no repair.
Crinkly crow’s eyes and flat feet
singing as the Maker I meet.
I don’t care what you say,
I can’t hear you anyway.
Tell me
how did we get here
at a swishing swapping party?
(The voices echo in emptiness)
Bubbly cheerful and happy, naked and raw
forever bachelors Larry and Harry,
and the hot mom and the pool boy
go flash dancing with dawn!
Be warned, winkydinks
I had a Martini: ok, maybe four
I don't accept or understand
the drunken Socrates and his ouzo -
he’s the beast with eyes too kind!
What was it like back then ...
on being offered cheese as a dessert -
my blue cheese is a dark, reddish brown ...
Did you know
Hell hath no donuts !
20 Titles From 20 Friends Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Richard Lamoureux
7/18/19
Titles Used -
Tell Me - Poem by Ilene Bauer
How Did We Get Here D M Babbit
at ‘A Swishing Swapping Party’ by Paul Callus
The Voices Echo in Emptiness by Eve Roper
Bubbly Cheerful And Happy by Anne-lise Andresen
Naked And Raw by Maurice Yvonne
Forever Bachelors Larry and Harry by Carolyn Devonshire
The Hot Mom and The Pool Boy by Tim Smith
Flash dancing with dawn! by Connie Marcum Wong
Be warned, winkydinks by Gershon Wolf
I Had a Martini: Ok, Maybe Four by Lin Lane
I Don't Accept or Understand by Dear Heart
The Drunken… by Pashang Salehi
Socrates and his Ouzo by Arthur Vaso
The Beast with Eyes Too Kind by Andrea Dietrich
What was it like back then by Curtis Moorman
On being offered cheese as a dessert by Nina Parmenter
My Blue Cheese is a Dark, Reddish Brown by Mike Gentile
Did you Know by Alexis Y
Hell Hath No Donuts by Michelle Faulkner
When Dorothy and Tin Man were dating
She didn’t prepare for the mating
Til’ she heard a bang
And shouted out, “Dang,
Something inside there’s inflating”
Since Dorothy’s one chick he lusted
Poor Tin said he was disgusted
Coz there was no oil can
Nearby them at hand
To free up his zipper now rusted
As Tin was kissing Dorothy’s lips
He sadly knew he had to come to grips
‘Til she yelled, “My man
I’ll open your can
Coz in my purse I brought some tin snips!”
That day by the lake,
tattered jeans and old t-shirts,
my hand in your back pocket as we walked,
your thumb
hooked over the top of my waistband.
It was hot,
...damned hot.
You tilted your hat at a silly angle and laughed,
I looked over and thought
'Hot,
...damned hot'
Smiles exchanged and then a kiss,
I think I melted inside.
We took turns walking backwards
holding both hands
drinking in the sight of each other.
Of course we fell,
you to the floor
and me...
completely in love.
Making a frame with my hands,
a captured moment,
'smile for the camera'
and what a smile it was.
Sitting together in the long grass,
both our hats at silly angles,
you made a frame in front of us,
as I kissed your cheek,
and captured a memory.
Images stored safely in my jeans pocket,
not the one with the hole,
that day by the lake...
it was perfect.
Only now I realise
one camera never worked.
The image of you, still vibrant
as that day,
but the one of us
you made with your hands
faded to barely a whisper.
That day by the lake
we both fell...
but only one fell in love.
I would like to talk about "nothing"
It is a most peculiar word
I have heard it used so often
The way it's used is often absurd
I'm told there's "nothing" to worry about
Yet I worry about "nothing" for days
I try to stop worrying about "nothing"
and why "nothing" inside my head ever stays
There isn't another word for "nothing"
With "nothing" only "nothing" can compare
When a woman speaks about all her clothing
How is it possible she has "nothing" to wear
When she tells me I'm "nothing" short of amazing
What in the world does that "nothing" mean
If that "nothing" is really something
If I look will that "nothing" be seen
We are told that everything comes from "nothing"
A "nothing" theory that lacks evidence
A Big Bang and a boom from a "nothing"
If an explosion is something
Is that why "nothing" makes sense
So if "nothing" in the end becomes "something
Then "nothing" is "nothing" at all
Just a word that causes confusion
"nothing" can be big or quite small
If "nothing" can separate us from God's love
Please keep "nothing" away from me
For if I settle for "nothing"
It will separate me from eternity
So you can see why "nothing" is a problem
I am "nothing" if I can't be me
"Nothing" in the end is perplexing
For "nothing" is a mystery!
Our Boogeyman
There is a boogeyman within
this home of ours, we swear he's here!
He comes and goes to mess with us
and bring about a silly fear.
It happens if we're here or not;
he seems to go from room to room
to keep us guessing why we see
phenomena that brings such gloom.
It has to do with lights, you see,
the kind you touch to turn them on;
somehow this boogeyman knows how
to toy with us, and whereupon,
we find our touch lamps brightly lit
in rooms, we enter while we're there.
But worst of all, to find them on
when we've been out, and such despair,
to wonder how that comes about??
For sure, it doesn't make much sense.
Do boogeymen have fingers that
can generate capacitance?
Sandra M. Haight
~4th Place~
Contest: Boogeyman
Sponsor: Nayda Ivette Negron
Judged: 06/02/2016
True Story!
"Touch-sensitive lamps almost always use a fourth property of the human body -- its capacitance. [kuh-pas-i-tuh ns] The word "capacitance" has as its root the word "capacity" -- capacitance is the capacity an object has to hold electrons. The lamp, when standing by itself on a table, has a certain capacitance. This means that if a circuit tried to charge the lamp with electrons, it would take a certain number to "fill it." When you touch the lamp, your body adds to its capacity. It takes more electrons to fill you and the lamp, and the circuit detects that difference." http://science.howstuffworks.com
Why do they call it 'tourist season'
If you're not allowed to shoot 'em
Seems like a great opportunity
To end the over crowding problem
If a house fly loses both of its wings
Would we have to call them 'walks'
Is it possible to have a civil war
Of course not that's just silly talk
Any idea what the best thing was
That came before sliced bread
If a turtle somehow loses its shell
Is it homeless, naked, or dead
I find this saying quite unnerving
“Practice” is what doctors do
And braille on drive-through windows
Find that kinda scary don't you
If a parsley farmer ever gets sued
Can they legally garnish his wages
Well that's enough of this silly talk
At times I go through these phases
© Jack Ellison 2012
It's summer, and it's the time
to take the train to old Saint Ives
and visit my Aunt Clementine
who lives alone by an old salt mine.
Aunt Clementine, she likes to dine
on mac and cheese at half past nine
then eats big slices of strawberry pie
while she sits and watches the fire flies.
Aunt Clementine loves polka dots
mostly orange, there's quite a lot
on walls and rugs, on kitchen tops
on her clothes and her dog named "Spot".
Aunt Clementine has crazy hair
that flies around most everywhere
while she hurries and scurries
here and there, and likes to say,
"Well, I declare!"
When she puts her lipstick on
Aunt Clementine breaks out in song
and tells me I should sing along
even if I forget or flub or FLOB
she tells me I am never wrong.
My Aunt Clementine is really fun
she certainly is not a nun
and so full of mischief
I just love to come
to be with her is double fun
in my book she is number one!
A cute gentile pig in New York
plays hopscotch over turtle hurdles
which eased her bunny
until a smack talking turkey announced,
'Did you hear how the skunks in bombay
lost a spelling bee - to an
artistic aardvark named clark?'
Around her, muttering mosquitoes
Dear teddy bear, my teddy bear
While a mynah bird confesses
to freeing an elephant
Who stands where dragons roam
dreaming of dinosaurs, as
King Doberman eavesdrops on
Seagulls talking to a sock monkey
Don't have a cow
The little red squirrel told my lioness-
Koalas love a cooling tang.
7/21/19
For 20 Titles from 20 Friends contest
Sponsor: Richard Lamoureux
A cute gentile pig in New York - Gershon Wolf
Turtle Hurdles - Mark Toney
Eased Her Bunny - Rico Leffanta
Smack Talking Turkey - Freddie Robinson Jr
Skunks in Bombay - Pat Adams
Spelling Bee - Line Gauthier
Artistic Aardvark named Clark - Caren Krutsinger
Muttering mosquitoes - sand blown
Dear teddy bear, my teddy bear - Connie Marcum Wong
A Mynah Bird Confesses - Kim Rodrigues
Freeing an Elephant - Suzanne Delany
Where Dragons Roam - P.S. Awtry
Dreaming of Dinosaurs - Jan Allison
King Doberman - Tania Kitchin
Seagulls Talking - Rhona Mcferran
Sock Monkey - Nina Parmenter
Don't Have a Cow - Alexis Y
The Little Red Squirrel - Pixie Dust
My Lioness - Anisha Dutta
Koalas Love a Cooling Tang - M.L. Kiser
On this merry-go-round
Of breakups and breakdowns
Singing the blues
In our ding-a-ling shoes
We take our heartache's milkshakes
Spiked with itty-bitty pity
Before we tangle and wrangle
In the rebound playground.
4/16/20
Poem of the Day
April 18, 2020
Hi! I'm Alan
the astrologer
I used to be
a mythologer
Here's the forecast
for tonight
I'm sure you'll see
I've got it right
The stars are green
The moon is pink
The North Star is
on the blink
Venus is
out to dinner
On her diet
Mars looks thinner
Jupiter's
a god of Rome
Saturn's rings
are made of foam
The Milky Way's
a candy bar
The sun's too big
to be a star
Pluto is
a goofy mutt
Uranus has
a charming butt
These true facts
I tell my clients
All MY predictions ~
based on science
8MILE8MILE . . . . . STYLE . . . . 8MILE8MILE
I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind but no matter where
I go I see them same old hoes
BRING DA BEAT c’mon, c’mon, c’mon HERE WE GO
YEA YEA YEA
They be warin old clothes, exposin them busted ass toez in fishnet pantyhose
They be standin in rowz, striking that silly old pose, workin them same two
Joes
So the rumor grows, and everybody knows, that her name is rose, we know
rose blows
DOUBLE BUBBLE, BUBBLE TROUBLE, YEA YEA YEA
She got fired from LoweZ, ’cause she stole a garden hose, spent all the money
at Moe’Z
Yea - Moe’Z ho clothes and fishnet hose, down at 52nd and StrowZ, traffic
really slows when she bends to expose, she get dirt on them knees, when she
blows
DOUBLE BUBBLE, BUBBLE TROUBLE YEA YEA YEA
AND THE COP SHOWZ
UP, UP, UP, EVER’BODY UP, C’MON UP, C’MON UP
YEA YEA YEA
She putz the powder up her nose, didn’t pay the fine she owez, gives a
discount to the bros
Ever’body froze, then the streetlight glows, that’z the way it goes, for all them
bimboz
Same for the hoes, az it is for the bros, all the way from Melrose to the
chicagos
And it’s still the same for the Souix and them Navahoes, UH YEA UH YEA
SHOUT OUT TO ALL MY PEEPZ IN THE POCONOS
YEA YEA YEA I’M OUT
OUT ROLLIN ON THAT 8 MILE ROOOOAD
8MILE8MILE . . . . STYLE . . . . 8MILE8MILE
written by
Warner Baxter
One Knight Stand Productions
all rights reserved