Best Bawdy Poems

COME ON SOUPER'S LETS HAVE SOME FUN AND MAKE FOLK SMILE DURING SUCH DIFFICULT TIMES FOR US ALL. THERE ARE LOTS MORE APT NAMES  - PLEASE SOUP MAIL POEMS AND I WILL ADD THEM 

My dentist is called Doctor Payne,
Who really lives up to...

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There was a lumberjack from Borehamwood 
A chainsaw mishap took off his manhood
His Love life now a mess 
And it caused him great stress
So he made himself one out of some wood .  
          ...

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Sue’s panties gave her so much woe -
She suffered from dire ‘camel toe’
But with help from soft plastic
Her new outline’s fantastic
It’s discrete and no one would know!

4/5/18...

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Now, the time has come for bawdy things
from no other than our queen of queens.
	As she takes the throne,
	the crowd emits a groan.
This, the reign of the Queen of Obscenes.
...

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My Tomcat drives me up the walls
On neighbourhood kitties he calls
Sired more than one kitten
With sex he is smitten
He’s gonna be losing his balls!

A Funny or Bawdy Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin
04/30/23...

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A nubile young vicar named Jude
Was seen swimming, totally nude
The bishop said WOW
Just look at you now
Your assets - they need to be viewed!

Fiction write!

07-05-17

Invited him home for a drink
A toast as their glasses did clink
Robes down on the floor
Performing a chore...
How far will this...

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I remember once dating a clown
In the sack he was such a let down
He was missing one ball
And his todger was small
It’s no wonder that he wore a frown!

11~12~17...

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At Christmas he’s a busy chap -
and rarely has time for a nap
  But to his surprise
  He got a huge rise
When Mrs Claus sat on his lap!

Holiday Themed Limerick Poetry Contest

checked with how many syllables

8,8,5,5,8

(Mrs classed as 1 syllable on soup counter,...

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Aunt Maureen burnt her huge left titty
She giggled, I don’t need any pity
I can still balance cups
On my pink pert pups
Hands free, I can now stroke my kitty

3/12/20...

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There was a horny man from Timbuktu.
Fell in love with a girl from Kathmandu.
Bursting with desire and lust.
Felt she's the one he can trust.
Asked for a game of sexy peekaboo.

Finally switched on their video chat,
but he realised he had been a prat.
Slowly lifting her pink...

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Aunt Ethel said to Uncle Fred,
Let’s attempt the starfish in bed,
Old Ethel insisted,
Till Fred’s back got twisted,
They best stick to sleeping instead!

Original poem by Jan Allison

Fred couldn't stand and was writhing in pain
Ethel was mad and looked on with disdain
So he took a blue pill
Then...

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A sex mad codger named Bill
Swallowed a Viagra pill
His todger did rise - 
You should see the size
It sure gave his wife a thrill

17th Feb 2015...

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A wrestler whose first name is Bill
Wears tights (but he’s over the hill)
He shoves down a sock
To enhance his cock
It sure gives the ladies a thrill!

Now Bill’s a really proud macho guy
And keeps grey hair at bay with black dye
Even though he’s a man
He wears...

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Her lady garden needed a mowing
His love juices were readily flowing 
He made it his mission
To get in position
Now his seed he is happily sowing

Written for Roy Jerden's bawdy Limerick II Contest
19th June 2014...

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The farmer’s cock rises each morning
It signals a new day is dawning
His wife ignores him in bed
Says she’s got a bad head
Perhaps she requires pre-warning

NB I BREAK NO RULES POSTING BAWDY LIMERICKS  - THE FORM IS BY NATURE ALLOWED TO BE  RIBALD AND...

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