I`VE BEEN READINGS LIMERICKS BY JAN,
TO EMULATE THE BEST THAT I CAN.
SHE CAN WRITE ABOUT POOH,
STICKY STUFF AND GOO.
WITH THE SAME SENSE OF HUMOUR AS A MAN.
NOW I WILL HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT DIRK,
ALWAYS ACTING AND BEING A JERK.
HE WOULD GET OUT HIS WEENUS,
SAYS IT LOOKS LIKE A P*N*S.
YOU CANT HELP BUT LAUGH AT THE BIG BERK.
SO THAT WAS MY LIMERICK FOR JAN,
I EMULATED THE BEST THAT I CAN.
BUT SHES THE LIMERICK QUEEN,
YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
KEEP MAKING US ALL SMILE, PLEASE JAN.
For the usual life to digress-
From the norm to the average.
Standard has to meet it's distress,
Not considering any group or age.
Wonder is unusual to think of,
Living is nothing compulsive,
And the virus palliative isn't thereof
To some, personal risk becomes aggressive.
Children won't drive safe love,
Adult may set the distance right,
Monitoring won't let fun cum dove,
Everyone is just of beaming fright.
Yet God is wonderful to all,
Despite the stop put to work,
Financial status is still in its fall,
Many manage months of smirk.
Just as it is then and now,
People acknowledge all as berk,
Those who survived wonder how,
Truly it isn't all by ones hard work.
Honour lies in a Templar tomb
webs of time and dust of long dead life
cover like a blanket
but bringing no comfort
strange wherever there is comfort there is pain
Hope lies close by ripped and torn
indistinguishable from the flotsam that sprinkles the floor
The silence says little
and sunlight seems to change its mind
and halted brings life to grit within the air
and upon a broken stone
the words
the soul was always gone
You're her friend who wasn’t there
likes to get involved and share
sucking up and showing care
be a brainwashed silly mare
Loyal showing her support
do her work file reports
couldn’t help her ass in court
weren’t a witness silly sort
See you weren’t there
So you don’t know
Let’s be fair
Now You should go
She’s always getting others to do her work
Speak well of her and protect her way
You’re just the latest ignorant berk
a Squeaky gleamer perfecting her day
No one else has got involved cus it ain’t their business
even those involved a true and legal witness
So why are you without a clue actively supporting
She didn’t pledge innocence still you’ve been reporting
reassurance and comfort aiding nerves
be assured I did too came off worse
You wouldn’t have to look too far or long to see the narcissist
You shouldn’t have took her words uncared and got involved in this
She’s selfish and a martyr makes you feel for her
the sympathy thereafter sees you helping her
but you should know she doesn’t care
Just shut up and get a life,
I'm not like you, I've a reason to live ya,
if you weren't a berk you'd have a wife,
but with berks no one gives a....
change your tactic you're a spastic
loopy mate you're geriatric,
I'll give you something a little trick,
shut your mouth, on people don't pick,
yesterday you said I burn fast,
today it looks like you that learns fast,
cus on the whole you're a dictator son,
a sell out to an alcohol addiction,
because this is soup I added the tator
am I your match? I just put you out,
who's the supernova now, laters hater,
I'm off to live, don't come back about
... The pen is mightier than the sword ...
The poet knight went off to war
To prove his valor true.
Sir Arthur Berk, the troubadour,
Knew he had much to do
For he had found a greater sword
To strike his foes down dead.
He swore to fight invading horde
And make their ink spill red.
Each lord, farm hand and tavern maid,
Had often heard him tell
The fierceness of his secret blade
And all the foes it fell.
Of dragons and of armies past
He'd read this weapon killed.
The legend of his sword was vast;
The ink would soon be spilled.
Soon rival horde had come again
All took up sword and shield.
The armies prepped for battle then
Were met upon the field.
They yelled and brandished spear and dirk
But soon were silent when
All held their breath to watch Sir Berk
As he unsheathed his ... pen?
He rushed in sure and unconcerned
But fell at the first blow,
And what new truth he might have learned
I guess we'll never know.
But if, perhaps, he'd been more keen
Sir Berk might still yet live;
Too late he learned the difference 'tween
Literal and Figurative.
9.13.18
Contest: Unsheathe Your Sword
What say you when a pig bathe in a muddy muck?
When he rolls merrily like 'tis panacea to his strain?
Don't you gawk at the amazing shuck
Could be to you 'tis a flaunt to his inert brain.
But how honey he embraces the muck-
When the sizzling lust for food slaps!
'Tis where he tanks up the lack
'Tis a divan for his daily naps
He rolls in it with sheer fun and joy,
Swaps spit with inner pathogens
To him's as sweet as the delicacy of soy
And dirt seems excite no antigens
But fools we the lookers
Who hate the act but love the actor
We're the daytime chaplains an' night's hookers
Musing the worthier and fudging the obvious factor
Don't we rear 'em and keep them?
And butcher 'em for pork?
And for sale don't we adulate 'em like gem?
Then why dub 'em berk?
With us is the knowledge and power-
To keep and care for these pigs
We can give 'em genial scour
And see 'em as moral prigs
NB: Exclusively for pig lovers.
Try to understand the natural meaning of this poem
A mouse, a bird and a sausage did all live very gay,
they all lived very happily and worked in each owns way.
The job of the mouse was to carry water, the sausage did cook the meals,
the bird did daily look for wood in the nearby farmer's fields.
One day the bird did meet his friends and told them of his work,
his friends did mock the little bird and called him such a berk.
He flew back home later that day and made himself understood,
he told his porky friend that "tomorrow He could look for wood!"
Entered in the "Animal Nonsense" competition
Sponsored by Kevin Shaw
24/8/2017
John I'd love to steal your work
But I’d look a complete berk
We know stealing is wrong
Unless you come from Ding Dong
some need to do their homework!
Tongue firmly in cheek write Inspired by John Wulf's poem Steal this poem please
12th April 2016
Over the top
Fog from "Frisco came.
If not only in substance,
Then in name.
From Berk' also
Some they came.
whaffor bertie ...YOU MUST???
Moraly bankrupt bloody berk,
rancid rabid jabbering jerk,
grabbing dollars for of his perk,
from fat jabba of the west coast hut,
dirty stinking greedy but,
propiety is observed,
on her ugly big asses butt,
Tory governments must serve,
bribe dollars, spent her taxes cuts?
Cheap labor is her perv...
Australia suffers,
sometimes must???
voters get what they deserve,
iron ore magnates, in the rust...
why bother to amass billions,
& then yer dead an rotten penniless,
whaffor bertie ...YOU MUST???
Don Johnson
A cocky engineer on his way home
Spotting his boss standing alone
Perplexed and confused
Totally bemused
His groans soon turned to moans
I'm trying to make this thing work
But I'm starting to feel like a berk
I need this copied tonight
Or my deals out of sight
What I need is a smart office clerk
Hey boss, this is what you should do
Let me push the button for you
Insert your paper here
It'll come out over there
Your deal will make a dollar or two
So into the machine his paper went
Hoping that his deals heaven sent
As it's taken with ease
He can't believe what he sees
It's bloody shredded, malcontent
Hey, cocky engineer come back here
This situation I don't endear
Today you were employed
Your now null and void
It's about time you disappeared
Went to get my banana as I headed for the door
It had been on the table that much I know for sure
Last night I put it ready to take with me to work
Now it has gone AWOL and I feel such a berk
I’d gone into the kitchen I was busy multitasking
Picked up my banana, but where is it now I’m asking
Had been to brush my teeth its something I always do
But it isn’t in the bathroom what am I going to do
I’ve checked the kitchen cupboard and underneath my chair
The microwave and fridge – oh damn it isn’t there
Got into my car and listened to ‘The Pearl Fishers’
Maybe my poor banana is somewhere lurking in a fissure
Now I’m back at home and of bananas I do dream
The little yellow fiend it still cannot be seen
I’m starting to worry now that I am turning mad
And I’m also pretty hungry that really is so sad
I will continue in my quest to find the missing fruit
Cos this pain in my tummy is turning quite acute
If I can’t locate it today I may get quite depressed
I need to find that banana and put my mind at rest
Jan Allison
14th May 2014
Zerk was a lurking berserk
who lived in the murky-murk of the cirque
by the smirking Turk
Zerk was irking a-jerkin’ and a draught of perkin
Zerk was a-joying his shirker’s approach towards work
Zerk was a-starking, a-barking, and a-marking the world with his dirk
Zerk was a-perking for a-harking about bo-razzle and bo-really fools
Zerk was a-quirking, an abundance of uncorking bottles, un-forking sustenance,
and un-storking women
Zerk was not a follower of any kirk
Zerk was a-hoping to clerk for an irksome and biased hipster jerk
Zerk was always a-hanging out with his friends Breschel, and Lurch
Zerk contributed his artwork to the world,
Zerk was by no means a berk, instead he was quite the intellectual quirk
Zerk was always a-yerking out at the berks with his political and philosophical propaganda
Zerk was always a-chirking up Lurch with his meditative-mindset
I don't need to figure it out
I know exactly what i'm about
why i'm here? what i'm for?
Even all the lives i've lived before.
My purpose in life doesn't exist
don't overplan, life's easy to miss
go at a pace with which your steady
but be on guard an' always ready!
Change something if it doesn't work
don't keep plodding on you silly berk
or you'll drive us both berserk!
Life's too short to bid for someone else
don't be false, be yourself
you can be whatever you want
don't be scared, life shouldn't daunt
originality is what you should flaunt......
.....Or you'll die unhappy, with eternal sleeps dreams disturbed,
by an unrealised haunt.
©John-Ovan.P.Hull
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