cleaned the toilet today
it was long overdue
looked like I had killed a hog in there
usually when I start cleaning. I cannot stop
I would have to clean the walls, the sink, the mirror, the tub
not this time.
A student who hailed from Bombay
Eats curry for breakfast each day
On pakora he’d munch
As a snack or for lunch
The toilet is where he must stay
He suffers from dire 'Dheli belly'
Shared bathroom got terribly smelly
So he leased a commode
Where he’ll unleash his load
No studies, he poops watching telly!
His flatmate said, “Listen up Josh”
Your ling’ring stench means I can’t wash
Living with you is hell
I can’t cope with the smell
Flat sharing, I’m just gonna quash!
I cried in the toilet
because it was the only place
no one needed me
to be quiet and smiling.
I cried because
Howl smiled at me,
and something inside me
was too broken to hold the joy.
I cried
not because of anything
in particular—
but because
everything
was always
too much,
and nobody noticed
I never stopped trying.
I cried
with the water running
so no one would hear—
but not a single soul
was listening anyway.
And still,
I dried my face,
flushed the grief,
washed my hands,
and returned
like nothing had fallen out of me
at all.
We are here sorrowfully happy
We are here crying and smiling
We are Rich only on TV
We are Rich only on newspapers.
Where are they says the leaders
Give them the remnants to eat
They deserves a natural glass of wine
And something to take as protein.
We are here living happily happy
With our swollen faces smiling
Lest we appear wretched on TV
Wearing rags with tissue papers.
Cleaning the toilets of our leaders
Inorder to afford bread to eat
We drank their pee as wine
And ate their poop for protein.
I hope you get use
to be without me
cuz that is the way
is gonna be
I won't be the rag
for your feet
I wont be the bed
where you sleep.
I always was
on your side
but you were never
on mine
following you everywhere
from behind
you didn't turn around
to say hi...
My mother broke my spirit
long ago
waves of pain
come and go
they shat on me
and on my love
I turned myself into a toilet
and I didn't know.
So I hope you get use to be
without me
cuz that is the way
is gonna be
I won't beg or cry
or scream or plea
you can now go
I set you free.
Jessica
A poet, that's me I'm called Jan
Was NEVER a poetry fan
Now two books bear my name
Not for fortune or fame
I'll pen poop whenever I can!
If ever I am stuck for words
I resort to write about turds
Brown things that you poo
When you're sat on the loo
Poop poetry's not just for nerds!
What if a cobra came out of my toilet and bit my butt?
What if the plunger did not kill it and it also bit both legs?
What if I stomped on it and it bit my legs off to the knees?
What if a mouse sneaked in, and the cobra went after it?
What if I had to crawl to the phone, but did not make it in time?
What if my children and grandchildren found me dead?
What if they thought the cobra was a new pet and they kept it?
What if my dogs got angry and went after the cobra?
What if a rhino came out of the sink instead of the cobra?
What if he had his horn stuck and I had to help him?
What if we injured the horn and he had to go to the vet?
What if he did not fit into the car?
At least I would still be alive.
What is the cost of one space toilet, dear?
Nineteen million, the price point is clear.
Why is it so costly? What makes it great?
Astronaut waste is stored for a later dumping date
Sent into earth’s atmosphere where it burns up
Urine is recycled for drinking. Go fetch your cup.
Waiting for your other half, as she visits the loo
It’s usually the shopping mall, where she joins in the queue,
You stand with the guys, in equal appreciation
Of the predicament we find ourselves, in this situation.
Nobody makes eye contact but if we do it’s just a nod,
How long do we need to wait? We each pray to god.
Please let our partner be the first to fully reappear
Then we can get out of this place and silently disappear.
The waiting is tense, the brow begins to sweat
How long can this be, as we’ve lots of stuff to get?
Then a woman appears but alas it’s none of ours,
At this rate we could be here, for many, many hours.
A look at your watch, then a look at your shoes
Another woman appears but the question is, whose?
With a sigh and a smile, one of us is relieved,
A gesture to the other guys, confirms his reprieve.
Another look at the watch and a look up to the sky
A blow of the cheeks, then a very heavy sigh.
She finally appears, it’s a face we recognise
A nod to the other guys, a relief we can’t disguise.
Toilet Seats
Moreover and
Furthermore are
the names of
my two toilet seats.
Loo humour it is my forte
Risqué rhymes, I’ll write night and day
I’ve finished next book
Will you dare to look
It’s naughty – that’s all I will say!
fancy b and b
and where is your toilet please
out back moon on door
unexpected news
smells were as I remembered
never will come back
the bathroom toilet is gurgling
it sounds like it has the hiccups
a non-melodic, annoying, grating sound
my husband has shown me several times how to stop it
he can lightly touch the handle and it stops
I can lightly touch it eight times before it stops
annoyed by this too, I choose to listen to it
wishing we had the old toilets that did not make noise
Chardonnay the cat
likes to drink toilet water
and stumble around
Life
is
like
a toilet roll
~when it's half way
it finishes faster
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