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I Cried in the Toilet

I cried in the toilet
because it was the only place
no one needed me
to be quiet and smiling.

I cried because
Howl smiled at me,
and something inside me
was too broken to hold the joy.

I cried
not because of anything
in particular—
but because
everything
was always
too much,
and nobody noticed
I never stopped trying.

I cried
with the water running
so no one would hear—
but not a single soul
was listening anyway.

And still,
I dried my face,
flushed the grief,
washed my hands,
and returned
like nothing had fallen out of me
at all.

Copyright © Kell Futoll

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Book: Reflection on the Important Things