Long Toilet Poems

Long Toilet Poems. Below are the most popular long Toilet by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Toilet poems by poem length and keyword.


Premium Member Haibun

HAIBUN
You are electron microscopic size, but you possess infinitesimal power. Just a single strand of encapsulated RNA, yet you and your brothers SARS and MERS can sicken and kill more complex life.

Covid-19, virion unseen
Bring humans to their knees
Cowering and trembling

You spring up suddenly from nowhere and spread like fire in a parched forest. Devastating stock markets, stopping sports teams, halting concerts and forbidding gatherings over 250 souls. Quarantines of ships and planes. People greedily grasping, fighting and clawing for the important things in life: toilet paper, masks, cleaning supplies, paper towels.

A boon to corporations
Johnson and Johnson, Proctor and Gamble
Secretly happy you are around.




World wide you spread, showing no regard for race, boundaries or politics.



Italians, Iranians, Chinese,
Americans, Norwegians,
Japanese, Brazilians

The world caught unprepared. Scientists scrambling to develop a vaccine. All will breathe a sigh of relief when you cease your rampage.  That is until you return, mutated, the same but different and we start all over again.
Form: Haibun


Premium Member Five Limericks

Inspired by Joseph Mays limerick contest.
(not for contest )
-----------------------------------------------


A mischievous chef known as McMurray 
For a joke put Epsom salts in the curry
The toilet door he did lock 
The customers were in shock
He left by the back door in a great hurry.

An astronomer by the name of Pete
Was perving at the lady cross the street
Full moon he did spy
But not in the sky
He got caught and went as white as a sheet.

There was a dodgy plumber called John Blake 
No plumbing skills was a bit of a fake
The wrong nut he undone
Panicked went on the run
Now downstairs of the house has its own lake.

A randy teacher called Fred O'Hare
With a young girl he had an affair
But she told her dad
Who went hopping mad
Now Fred is getting medical care .

There was a very weird poet from Bude
Loved to sit out writing verse in the nude
A wasp stung his manhood
Screamed out as you would 
Doc said that's what you get for being rude .
Form: Limerick

Premium Member If I Were Your Love

Get rid of the ice, pills and hash.
I wouldn’t hide your stash.
Down the toilet it would go.
If I were your love, if it were so.

I’d lock the door, hide the key. 
We’d do it together you and me.
No use you wailing or screaming.
I know this is just me dreaming.

To be right there with you,
 I know I could help you through.
Through anxiety and muscle aches,
I know I have what it takes.

Withdrawals aren’t that easy to take. 
If I had your love, a change I’d make.  
Paranoia and irregular heart rate,
Together we could seal your fate.

I’d make you eat and exercise.
I’d hold you when you fantasize. 
Change the habit of your sleep.
My feelings for you are so deep.

Til withdrawals subsidence begin. 
Should fever or seizures set in,
Caring I will make that fever gone.
You will start to want to go on.

I would stay and be right there.
Always with you cause I care.
Together we’d beat this thing.
If I were your love, joy I’d bring.

But I am not your love, it’s not me.
 She has your heart, its plain to see.
I adore you with conviction.
And she will still aid your addiction.
Form: Rhyme

Premium Member Placebo - Part 1

"Placebo - Part 1"


Deals with God?
I don’t think that is possible.
Depends what cards you’re playing with
and what the trade off is
do you bluff? or 
play it safe and lose all your tricks?

Let’s talk about SIN, 
it sounds delicious 
but once swallowed
it comes out just like everything else.
The thing with Sin is,
it’s a bit like diarrhoea,
depends what you’ve taken in 
and how much has tainted you
pathologically, i.e. 
Virus, Bacteria, Parasite? 
A little diarrhoea, with the right prescription
easily blitzed.
If it’s totally infiltrated your bloodstream,
well, you're cactus really.
It’s the gift that keeps on giving.
I call that, with regards to Sin -
Divine intervention. 
For a severe case as that,
you would be required to be kept out of reach
and monitored on a daily basis, away from 
passing on the contagion to anyone else.

If you’re locked up in a small room
and the toilet paper rations run out -
it can get real messy.
Particularly if your room mate’s in 
Prison Greens, is twice the size of you
and a Psychopath with a propensity
for knocking your head into the wall 
whenever you ignore him
and while he’s at it, takes the opportunity
to rub himself up against you – he’s 
marking his territory….
and well, you’re at that point where 
you’re thinking,
“Do I bluff? Or play it safe and lose all my tricks?”

At that moment, it’s a safe bet
you’ve lost all your tricks.
And you’re thinking, 
“This ain’t Protective Custody, 
where’s God in all of this?”

(Lovejoy-Burrton/2017 Dec)

Premium Member I Wanna Be Someone Else

Alone in my bathroom I stare at my eyes
They are red and raw, no big surprise
If there is one thing I can never forgive
It is myself, for having never lived.

I get closer to my blotchy reflection
And realize I am nowhere near to perfection
The coldness of the mirror under my lips
Makes me aware of my frailties and slips

Why are you alone? Thinking of killing yourself?
I fall into a hard thing, a toilet paper shelf.
I wanna be be blonde, I wanna be keen.
I wanna be someone else; someone whose seen.

No one pays attention to me, I feel like a fake.
When I kill myself, will I finally be awake?
I want blood, guts, and delicious chocolate cake.
When I wake up in heaven, will I finally be awake?
Form: Rhyme


Premium Member This World is full of Sheet

A review of all my poems there is
 sometimes reference to the toilet
I make no apologies
 I'm not a shrinking violet

'Cause here's the way I see it
the world is full of sheet
Here is an example 
it's to do with what i eat

At night what I consume 
is a large bowl of green salad
Yesterday no exception fresh from garden
much variety I can add

There's perennial greens
sweet leaf korean ginseng and more
There's a tree moringa 
it's leaves add to the score

In India Morigna it's regarded as a miracle 
full of much nutrition
But here now in Australia 
it's subject to attrition

Sales of moringa powder and also the tree
now commercially banned
Lack of long term research 
they say that is why it has been canned

Apply this crazy principle to so much crap
freely sold within the business market
Example these toxic covid vaccinations  lacked research
caused many to give up and finally cark it

There's many other products 
that could be added to the list
Products consumed for centuries 
no research how did we exist

These governments will never suffer
any symptoms of dimentia
No brains exist 
in a state of permanent absentia

The opposite word of vaccuum 
it's called a plenum
How to turn this madness round
we need a new addendum

These thoughts that I've now penned 
are  really rather fleet
I hope I have convinced you 
that this world is full of sheet
Form: Rhyme

Looking For Sleep

Looking For Sleep

God, just let me sleep
I have counted a million sheep
Stared at the ceiling
Listened to the crickets chirping
Even went and got warm milk
Still sleep avoids me
My mind will not shut down for the night
What will Sharion do with Michael
How will the people go on
What word rhymes with pompous
So many stories running through my mind
Poems that need to be written
But, not at that moment
Not when my eyes should be closed
It is so bad I started taking notes on toilet paper
My little pad ran out hours ago
Another night gone
One sunbeam hitting me from the dawn
I just want to forget the world and sleep
Maybe I will just delete my book
Stop writing poems and stop thinking
Then my eyes will close and I will fall to sleep
At least until my baby starts crying

Premium Member To the Guy Who Keyed My Daughter's Car

I’ll bet you think you were unseen….
Invisible like a ghost.
Well, guess what?
You’re not as sneaky as you are stupid.
Were you really that mad about
Being beaten to a parking place?
A place she politely waited for and rightfully earned.
And, she had two little babies with her…
While YOU, a big strong guy, were by yourself.
I guess I could tell the whole world your name…
But, that won’t be necessary.
Don’t worry…
I won’t call the police.
Those who know will keep the secret well.
And,,,You’ll  NEVER need to worry about them.
They would never hurt you personally, that is.
They wouldn’t key YOUR car,
Put sugar in your gas tank,
Knock on your door at 3 AM
After toilet papering your house.
They won’t scatter Pramitol over your lawn and shrubs.
I made them promise not to hurt you in any way.
So, you’re safe,,, for now.
But, next  time… Remember…
I know who you are!
And, you don’t want to know me….
Form: Narrative

Innuendo

I have got something you dont

I have an opening

You have something to point

Mine is soft

Yours is hard

Mine is wet

Yours is dry

You are base Animalistic

Where as i am more deep and Senual

I love touch and feel

Where as you thrust and writh 

I like to share feelings kiss and cuddle

You like to go straight to sleep 

You expect more special treats

Mine is a once in a while birthday treat

I sleep in the wet spot

While you get a good night's sleep

I cook you eat

I make the bed

You leave the toilet seat up

In the End

Different Sexes 

Demand different Stuff

And Sex is not enough

Without Love

Premium Member Positivenergy Productions

As any economist,
or even a half-conscious politician,
or patient parent knows,
We have two types of deficits;
investments and divestments.

Let's call them NegativEnergy One
and NegativEnergy Two,
or, for short,
just ThingOne
sometimes portends darker ThingTwo.

We may choose a short-term deficit budget
to invest in growing a long-term PositivEnergy surplus,
or interdependent profit.

Or we may choose to contribute to a longterm
toxically overdrawn
eternally divesting waste stream,
like burning currency for fuel
or flushing coins down the toilet
or peeing and pooping where we could have eaten
or taken a warm bubbly bath.

ThingOne
can ZeroSum Win-Lose balance,
Or degenerate into
not even ZeroSum Lose-Lose
ThingTwo
predicting further devastated landscapes
and climate pathologies.

Or NegativEnergy One withdrawals
could resiliently resonate
co-arising PositivEnergy co-investments

Not not ZeroSum
Win-Win
for restoring nutritional
nurturing
multigenerationally cooperative Justice,
Peace,
notnot Trust
with YesYes resonant symmetry.

Symmetry
like synergy
It has an uncertain 
yet resonant ring to it.

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