Swabbed Poems

Dying For a Smear

The medic said lie on the couch
She swabbed my cervix , I said OUCH
It's checking for cancer
So I can’t be a chancer
For cervical smears I can vouch

I lay there with my legs akimbo
Butt naked I feel like a bimbo
My hubby needn’t fear
It’s just a routine smear
Not nookie with Peter or Jimbo

I think its's a total outrage
Girls are denied smears due to age
If detected early
It could have saved Shirley
And youngsters like Amber and Paige

In England cervical smears are offered to women aged 25 to 64. Personally, I think the age should be reduced as women in their early 20's have died as they have been deemed too young for a cervical smear screening. Whilst the test is uncomfortable it only takes a few minutes to be done and it could save young lives

* Third stanza added 01/15/22 -The names Shirley  fitted the rhyme scheme and I've read about Paige Hart who was diagnosed with cancer aged 24.  I've been made aware of Amber's Law and fully support the change of age  to 18.

https://amberslaw.org/about-us/

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/9952172/woman-cervical-cancer-25-smear-test

01/14/22

Mr Ratman

Hello,
my name is Mr. Ratman
I've been injected twice 
with an experimental vaccine
get nasal swabbed three times a week
i wear a rag on my face consistently
i get temperature screened
get symptom interrogated daily 
i keep 6 feet away from society
i wash my hands until they're 
the color of ripened cherries
Now they're talking booster shots
nothing will ever be good enough...
after all viruses by nature never 
never walk away from a rave.

Is it really all about global health and well being  
or is it about population control and profit 
the N.I.H handed the Wuhan lab millions of greenbacks
father Gates was heavy into eugenics-planned parenthood 
A rotten apple never falls far from the tree...of death

I just thank our silent God that its not a rectal swab.

David Is Livid With Covid

“I am David not covid”, tell my wife,
She says "keep two meters, save a life"
I say “this virus is such a curse!”
She says,"Try being an IPC nurse!"

She makes me wash my hands so often,
Gets nose swabbed with bud of cotton,
We can not kiss or cuddle like old days,
"Till lockdown is over that rule stays"

Can hardly recognise own face in mirror,
Face has so long been under mask cover,
We keep it on when on shopping spree,
I hope from this we will soon be free!

I declare my love for her is abundant,
Hint how Boris* got his wife pregnant,
She says, "Let him do what he will"
"This virus is dangerous and can kill!"

Lockdown in some ways, not been bad,
Of certain changes to life, I am glad,
I can now cook dishes I never knew,
Share on facebook for friends to view!

I reluctantly had my COVID jab done,
Feel happier though needle is never fun!
Better days ahead with warm Sunshine,
If you are offered a jab, please get in line!

Written 24/04/2021
Syllables 10 + or - 1
Brian Strand - All your’s ( April 25)  competition

IPC* = Infection prevention and control nurse
Boris* = Boris Johnson PM UK

Such Testing Times

I had my covid 19 test today
Twas uncomfy that’s all I will say
Swabbed my throat then my nose
Nose was clean there’s no crows*
I’m happy that it’s out the way

Need another test at the weekend
Then it’s quarantine time I must spend
Till they put me to sleep
I hope the sleep is deep
With a camera shoved up my rear end!

Crows* is a term we used for bogies when I was growing up in Derby 
Got a colonoscopy next Tuesday ...so expect more poop poems!

07/02/20

Course of the Tradewinds

*Image of Sailing Ship by Pixabay.

Course Of The Tradewinds

Fair winds nudge the sails, as thoughts wane the souls,
talks start out its trails, whilst the crest waves rolls,
whilst the crest waves rolls, talks start out its trails,
as thoughts wane the souls, fair winds nudge the sails.

Men and sea outlast, yet men's souls yearn home,
stubborn sea steadfast, as dreams match seafoam, 
as dreams match seafoam, stubborn sea steadfast, 
yet men's souls yearn home, men and sea outlast.

Work fills mindful heads, decks swabbed and nets filled,
worn bones on slept beds, rough seas make men skilled, 
rough seas make men skilled, worn bones on slept beds, 
decks swabbed and nets filled, work fills mindful heads. 

Shout from the crow's nest sends crew on top-deck,
those upheld the quest, mapped charts kept on trek,
mapped charts kept on trek, those upheld the quest, 
sends crew on top-deck, shout from the crow's nest.

2020 June 04
*1st Place*
A Brian Strand 4 or 5 line
~~Brian Strand: Judged 2021 August 05
*1st Place*
Swap The Verse
~~Joseph May: Judged 2020 June 28

Meanwhile Back At the Ranch

Visibility's dropped to near-zero
   Thermometer's plummeting too
Ocean tempest tossing and turning
   Spraying the nerves of the crew

Deck swabbed by torrential rain
   Passengers hunkered down below
Afternoon's slipped into deep shadows
   Danger's pulse glowers and grows...

Back on shore, weather's sunny
   Gentle breezes, calm and warm
Ignorance is sheerest bliss
   When it comes to cruel ocean storms

Pushed

Oops, they pushed their captain off his own ship,
    made sure the deck was slick, black-boot polished,
       waited ‘til great white sharks surrounded it,
until sharp sword swells upended its whip.

They turned their back, mocked, laughed, pretending to
                            be very serious - glasses pinch nose.
        They swabbed the deck whitewashing its bleak sin.
OvErThRoW overthrow, not noticing

                 a tidal wave is coming — a rogue wave
         ripping and roaring, exploring — the bore
     soaring, sore like Noah’s flood overdone,
as the fallen angels drink from its cup.



12/4/2019

Really, Understand My Face

I had a face transplant
'cos I was off my face, as was.
I trolled the book of faces
till I found one I liked.
We did a face swap, swabbed - 
me and my friend that was.
Now I am her, she is me,
selfies facing up.
We kept our friends and likes.

Chateau Pl

Chateau Pl

A sleep walk guided by reflections
Although somethings were real
Not the front entry way
Or the stair case
Or the garage for that matter
Scrubbed and alcohol swabbed shoes
Eating off those would've been though
Pee sitting down!
And cologne must not be detectable
From more than an arms length away!
Nobody wore it
I think
The closet could've clothed a small town
And housed an elderly couple with a Pomeranian
A parked Steinway on sleek marble
Or maybe it was a Bentley, whichever,
The keys were misplaced
Handshakes are forbidden!
You may speak, however.
A stolli over ice seemed to be the only thing
Not surreal
Unless you would fancy triple dipping
Beluga caviar with a vacuum in your hand surreal
Or, perhaps, being seduced by homemade egg noodles
Can you describe that atrocius smell?
A Land's End catalog doused in kerosene
Ties & cufflinks & Jackets on fire sale
A whiff of ozone
Darkness
A hazy stare assisted by chirping birds
and a gurgling salt water tank
In an upstairs, 2 bdr. duplex
A peon awakens a prince

Powder, Perfume, Hormones

Neck a smooth, cylindrical mold
As sheathe with fibers carefully rolled
Pale, satin sheen artfully scrolled
Grace on soft, silky strands doled
In light, silted hologram to behold
Calamus breathes through each fold
Herbal essence from tight pores cajoled

Swabbed cheeks cloud high cheek bone
Naturally brushed with light coppertone
Puffy mounds rise from savory scone
Cherry gum drops brim o'er mascarpone
Cherubic glow of a polished sandstone
Exuding savory Rose scent laced with pheromone
Nature's stimulants, a nurtured love to hone

Bosom, gilded vines on terraced grove
Sprouting cherries, fertile arrow of Jove
Dangling from chest sealing frothy trove
Coarse sifted mounds, plump kneaded loaves
Descending into a deep, musky cove
U-shaped funnel vents steaming stove
Releasing mellow aroma of a sweet clove

Soothing, Shore Breeze

On balmy beach blithe commodore
Without ship, rudder, or rowing oar
Striding gusts, waves only chore
Soothing breeze girdles the shore
Sidling along, currents to explore
Mind's tranquil base to restore
Body's chafed shaft to bore
Frothy mist o'er skin doth pour
Swabbed flesh awaiting encore
To swaddle each beckoning pore
More cooling streams do implore
To massage deep into heated core
Somnolent tune blithe rhythms store
Each floating note tingling drums score
Fluttering through ethereal seams do soar
Then descends, rasping at heart's sheltered door

You

I stared into the mirror today.
I saw you -
a needled zealot
hovering around my left shoulder;
Adolph Hitler dressed in 
opium-perfumed swatches.

You smelled like her.
You acted like him.
You looked like me.
Swastika tall and evenly abhorrent.
Syringe-insured yet,
never sharp enough to 
successfully stab 
outside the 50-point cork.

You slithered like a quadroplegic, 
into my stratum.
Pointing and probing
a crooked finger -
never healing 
the martyr's wound.

A broken grimace leaves me
ugly flesh to ponder.
Your tentacles:
toothless cleavers eclipse
black-dilated pupils, 
servicing our
boomeranged arms
with dingoed malice -
peppermint leaves and peroxide boil
as the living corpse cackles.

Mussolini removed 
thirteen quieted quills 
from his heart
shortly before the noose was tied.
Into square knots.
Into napkin pleats.
Into a poet's silence - where
our self-induced stupor 
was dragged upon 
spiked cobblestones -

and for that,
my dear Stalin beauty;
I sew my spit into
vile words -
dribbling purposely
upon this diseased
cotton-swabbed
canvas
for you
and I

to clean.

Regal Love Portended

Sparkling black eyes aglow with love's ember
Appending lashes; swabbed cinders caressing
Sleek dark hair rippling waves of splendor
Blue, silk ribbon her coiffed crown dressing
Ashen, pale face from decorous rim recessing
Elegant, powdered neck; regal grace extended
Carefully preened bosom; each, fertile fold cresting
Slender, undulating hips; each, sensuous move portended
Gilded ring with her noble birth appended
Silver monogrammed bracelet; familial license her style to sanction
Ornamental brooch, sentimental heirloom; fealty commended 
Bridled love flowing freely with matrilineal unction
Mother's vicarious virtue strained into the vial of innocence
Blighting charm causing each froward step to be made with reticence

At Work

I sat at the x-ray machine checking traveler’s belongings
My co-worker beside me running the Explosive Detection Trace machine
Passenger came in put his bag on the belt
I checked his bag in the chamber
Laptop! I shouted to my co-worker
She grab the bag, “Sir is this your bag?”
“Yes”, he said
She opened his bag to do a search
“May I have your credit card so I can check your laptop?” she said
“No, no no”!  He said, “I won’t pay to have my laptop swabbed, 
May I have my laptop back please”? 
“Oh!  So sorry sir, I meant your boarding pass!”
“Ha ha!”  Said another co-worker, “You’re an ass”.

Fingered

Chamber of secrets
Locked in wisps of steel incense
Swabbed sulfur din

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