I asked for a breath of room,
a sliver of understanding,
and you handed me a diagnosis.
"Abnormal" you said.
Your favourite label for a woman
who refuses to shrink to fit your frame.
Then the quiet deflection, right on cue:
That condescending little laugh,
that passive step backward
the moment a conversation demands actual effort.
It is a clever trick:
I ask to be met halfway.
and you turn my boundaries into a defect.
You shrink back, play the victim,
and call your control a compromise.
Go ahead. Label me stubborn.
Call me unbending.
Roll your eyes and take your games elsewhere.
I was never asking for the moon.
I just wanted a man who could show up
without needing to pull all the strings.
They say these are the golden years, yet I feel myself dissolving like smoke from a flame that never truly burned bright. I shrink back into the shadow folding onto its self. They tell me life is treasure, but in my hands its feel like heavy glass. I'm afraid to break, I hold on, I wait, They weight only grows heavier i wait for the Crack the shatter, the pieces that set me free. But it never breaks and neither do I. I carry the silence a burden that hums beneath my ribs. The glass doesn't break it only thickens, but I learn I learn to endure it.
I have come in the volume of the book written of me
To do Your will, O God, not mine.
Let Your will be my daily bread,
And Your will be my final supper.
Order my steps in the statutes of destiny;
Let me not stray,
Not to the right, nor to the left.
Keep me firm, Lord
Unshaken.
Even when I stumble in compromise,
Teach me how to plead rightly before You.
O Lord, let not Your word be mocked,
Let not what You declared through the prophets
Be cast away as dust.
For You are the God who watches over His Word
To see it fulfilled.
So I pray:
As You were with Jeremiah,
Be with me.
Let me not say, "I am too young,"
Let me not shrink back in shame.
Let me stand bold in Your will,
And remain anchored in it.
Watch over me, O Lord,
That my destiny may be fulfilled.
Guard my heart from pride,
Guard my soul from sin.
In my commitment, keep me from falling.
Grant me the strength to bear the crown
You are preparing to place upon me
That I may never lose it.
But rather,
That through it, many may be drawn to You,
And every glory be returned
To You alone.
Amen.
For Loni Anderson her precious hi!
A sense Herb smiles inside for sigh
And then to speak to caller live
And crush his hopes informed for rive
And know his name as any fool
A customer, a dignatory, a Right of Yule
To be the play a Jennifer Love
And that for saying "Goodbye" for of
A chance to be the cooler man
Impressed by Jenny and left for fan
To be her duel, a better man
And Herb for effort, shrink back for can
And see her right - receptionist
To be to carry elrectionist
Of all she worries her uptight men
Not worthy looks but what they crein
To be the workers a woman wants
But not on phone, too long means braints
And to be simple not want to her
But what the heck - pass by for tour
And keep her happy for loving spell
To say she's beauty and no due tell
Quatrain Poem by Trevor McLeod
spring morning glory loudly shivers while in quiet vine
the army of pumpkins herald the winter to come
night creatures do not belong in the spring light
steals the summer for the pumpkins reign
draculean teeth, werewolves claw - bullets to wreak havoc
witches storm with magic breath harvests springs renewal
spring takes the yoke of destruction foreign to its nature
to battle All Hallows Eve and save the birthing summer.
daring buds burst their pistilin swords
spirits shoot forth crystalline fear tendrils
new season birds pummel vast pumpkin fields
trumpet vines snakes the eyes of pumpkin soldiers
orange blood declares Halloweens defeat
the supernatural retire, monsters shrink back to den
spring settles commencing its seasons prerogative
summer tiptoes in...
The porch-potted have attenuated
into stick insects.
Geraniums are hallowed be dark moons,
Fragility turns to desiccation.
The red tin watering can
is iced over by a fallen sun.
Of a sudden, a yawning dawn
freezes, is pinned
to a fixed grimace.
Unlock the front door,
push a grudging frosted screen.
Slipper bound toes shrink back,
blood drops through ice holes
in arterial walls.
Tropical fruits uneaten,
beds unmade and cooling,
cat hiding under a throw rug,
just its tail flicking a weather warning.
Slap and lock the door,
ignore the creaking porch
as it were a gutted grave.
Upon a kitchen wall
eyes trace a diminishing light,
a trace that once was a warming ray,
now has congealed into a fingerbone
of yesterday.
I must face my foes,
Many will attack!
A shield for the throes,
So I don't shrink back.
In order to stand,
One thing stands apart,
Truth must form its band,
So God does His part.
Who reigns in your heart,
Is it many or One?
Will strength from Black Art,
Last in the long run?
Fasten His truth belt,
Tightly 'round your waist.
Your courage won't melt,
When the foe is faced.
The Lord delivers,
Those loyal to Him.
His voice brings shivers,
He's stronger than them.
His truth at your core,
His armor now wear,
Your strength He'll restore.
Success in Warfare!
With truth, Buckle Up!
Hell's attack is here,
His truth to breakup-
End-times in high gear.
Those little cracks you wear
on the outside -
why must you dislike them so?
Show them unabashedly,
for every little crease and wrinkle
is the sum total
of all that you have experienced -
the sum of your disappointments and afflictions,
but also the sum total of every single time
you ever smiled!
Neither shrink back in the shadows
nor try to cover your physical flaws.
Rather – let yourself be seen
in daylight’s brilliance -
the amazing you!
Feel the sun caress your spirit’s frame.
Let it paint you
golden.
Aug. 18, 2021
For 'A BRIAN STRAND Libre Vers' Poetry Contest
They come to me in idle times, my private thoughts
my life could it better be, why did I shrink back
Grasp the moment or let it fade
sleepless nights and sleepy days
if and buts and always why
to myself what all denied
I have a home and some friends
family how close am I am to them
I did not build strong relationships
I always daydream and live with regrets
To myself I have mostly been
is that in a way a shy sin
Looking forward do I have the will
take a small step to reconcile
Be a helping hand to other souls
no more regrets or even though's
But the light turns green and off I go
with my private thoughts down my private road
Nothing Wrong With me
Through changing, rearranging
sometimes we lose our way.
We search for and we can't find
the things we long to say.
So we hide within ourselves
and pray the world don't see.
While whispering to our heart
there's something wrong with me.
A part of us the heart of us
so filled with utter longing.
Wondering what has happened to
our sense of once belonging.
Trying hard just to not give in
but tired of the fight.
We shrink back in the shadows
that come with dark of night.
And there our search continues
in the shadows we can't see.
Praying no one notices
there's something wrong with me.
And then one day the light will shine
brighter than it did before.
It seems the search is over
not in darkness anymore.
Reaching into our tomorrows
and things still yet to be.
Crying from the rooftops
there's nothing wrong with me.
Edwin C Hofert
The Sins in the Heart
Once I looked upon my love
With sorrow in my eyes
The beast had come and claimed me
As his devil bride
The emotions that swirled through my head
The possession that the beast took
Left me cold hearted, vulnerable
Disgusting, vile
Until the day he died
I never knew when it would happen
Morning, night
Joining the souls that screeched for plight
I never knew what was wrong with me
What curse I had,
But when he passed everything hit me
Right through my damned soul
For, I had never known what would occur
If he had still lived
Would I have still been cold hearted,
Would I have still been filled with sin?
Was it the beast?
Was it the karma?
Was it the devil inside of me?
Or was it just.. me?
Twenty years after his passing,
I stood still in the temple of Death
Looking for his soul
But when I called out to it,
The horrible screeching noise made me shrink back
As I looked at the soul, my worst nightmare came true
The devil, the beast, the disgusting vile creature inside of me
The curse,
It had damned his soul also
Because of my love for him
There is nothing worse than staring at an empty bottle,
Figuring out there it has more substance than your moral values.
Nothing more than the all-encompassing emptiness:
The deafening silence
Peering through the veil of ignorance, Unknowing of even who you are;
Not that anyone will notice you,
Much less remember.
As you crawl upon this earth,
And shrink back inside.
The shroud surrounding you
Covers all to see.
He carries his troubles wherever he goes
The curse he conceals too easily shows
They shrink back in fear as the black tumor grows
He carries his troubles wherever he goes
He carries his troubles wherever he goes
He refused to re-pay the debt that he owes
Throw him to the fish as the raging wind blows
He carries his troubles wherever he goes
(I carry my troubles wherever I go
The curse I conceal too easily shows
They shrink back in fear as my black tumor grows
I carry my troubles wherever I go)
I awake, dull crusted in shadows,
to the swelling roar of hard rain on shingles
wetly dripp'd down rusted gutters,
air thick with cool moisture,
ozone sharp razor clean,
somehow, the sod grew a deep green coat in one night
as dogwoods shed blossoms like fragrant dandruff,
when did spring arrive?
my mind still bundled in deep winter time,
ghosts of snowfields, untouched by sun,
blanket my mood in a stiller time
now shattered by detonations of life
melted by pollen infused with wind
scintillate bands of light burn laser bright
through pregnant clouds rain gray
beams play like shining faeries on the sill
as a weird biology compels me to arise
rush headlong onto verdant lea
dervish twirl'd and humid breathed
but lightswitched it's gone
thunderheads roll like playground bullies
smearing runnels on the window
dogwood prism'd to a streak
as I shrink back to a pillow
smelling faintly of grass.
Sitter of the wee,
titan tamer of babies...
let them scream, cry, and drool
I cannot be uncool-ed.
Tick-tock the hours by and by,
as terror this child may try...
armed with diapers and wipes
we learn potty 101.
Pee in the tub,
poo he smears and rubs...
on the floor; in the trash,
count to 10 think of the cash.
Give me, I want, now, no,
how they demand so...
tantrum if I do not comply
deep breaths I shall not cry!
Flinging pea's, splashing potatoe's,
like a mashed tornado...
almost time to go to bed
at least that's what the mother said.
Sweet silent relief,
rest so very brief...
oh the daemon wails
away I go to re-sing him tales.
Jingle jangle of keys,
I jump and prance with glee...
parents return finally
away quickly I flee.
Never again shall I brag,
of taming the wee devil...
as I shrink back in vain
when I hear his wee baby name.
3/4/14
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