See, faced with no one,
yet in my mind I see him everywhere.
The best thing for me;
do not name it,
stitch my mouth,
say nothing.
But silence is never nothing.
Silence is the loudest thing he gives me.
What seizes the eye at once
makes the heart beat between lines.
Utmost, inexplicable, perpetual stimulation.
Now the wind blows mournfully,
and I let it.
Naturally, flagrantly, palpably,
replaying each line,
bona fide, constantly, truthfully, carefully.
Beating through language,
an ache written sideways,
pain grammar cannot hold.
Devil-may-care.
On the edge of a single smile,
he walks through my thoughts.
Every gesture is an answer.
Every lack of gesture is an answer.
I build whole futures
out of unfinished sentences.
Between my wanting
and his unknowing,
through life's clenched jaw,
I cling to the unrequited knowledge
of reciprocity.
Isn’t sleep supposed to be restful?
Isn’t sleep supposed to be calm?
Sleep is a time my mind goes off the deep end, replaying like a broken record.
Sleep is a time the panic and anxiety creep in, startling me awake.
Being abruptly awakened by such intense anxiety, feeling nauseous but like you're being choked at the same time.
The alarm doesn’t come fast enough yet too fast all at once. Body and mind still drained.
Will the calm of sleep ever find me?
Karma that patient gangster
Very slow in action
But never fails to repay
Creeps into your life
Paying in double all your deeds
After replaying all your acts
Karma is just like a seed well planted in a good soil, it always germinates.
Karma the avenger
Rewarding your deeds accordingly
Either good or bad
The seeds you sowed
That's what you will get
Not what you need or wish to own
You can't plant yam then harvest cassava
Almighty God is for all not for anyone
That's why he's the ALL in ALL fighting for and rewarding all deeds.
Karma the life teacher
Saying you're what you do
For a goat can never give birth to a lion
You can't run away or hide
From your shadow forever
Whatever is in the dark
Always comes to the light with time
When you think it's over, karma comes visiting
Making you start all over again taking everything you didn't own genuinely.
The seashore knows, the path I tread.
Records my steps, when I have fled.
In prints I cast, the post-card shows,
The path I tread, the seashore knows.
Gulls see my stance, as swells flash past.
The post-card shows in prints I cast,
As wave surge clears, rushing to dance,
As swells flash past, gulls see my stance.
Seashells snatch sighs, replaying tears,
Rushing to dance, as waves surge clears.
The wind keeps tune, as my hair flies,
Replaying tears, seashells snatch sighs.
In sharp relief, shadows on dune.
As my hair flies, the wind keeps tune.
Blown sand repeats my secret grief.
Shadows on dune, in sharp relief.
Foam sings along, as the wave beats.
My secret grief, blown sand repeats.
The sea shanty, strums I belong,
As the wave beats, foam sings along.
Ruffles of sand that flash before my eyes in every waking moment
Oceans of blue that briefly lift and meet mine
My plain, brown eyes, that would blend in the mud
And my clothes that never lose the scent of pine
Versus his hoodies and the gold chain that hangs around his neck
Or the glasses that come and go upon his nose,
His brain, or the fact he shares a name
With the boy who hurt me the most.
When I stand surrounded, I look for him
Watching the door, hoping to see his hesitant gait
And the way he shoves his hands in his pockets
Seemingly content to stop, watch, and wait.
When the day fades to night, and the crickets cease to chirp
It’s him who haunts me when I lie awake in bed
Replaying each little interaction
And regretting the things that i never said.
Every corner of my mind stays aware
Of how fragile our tether will be
If I allow myself to stare into those oceans of blue
A single wave would wash us out to sea.
So silent I sit whenever he comes around
The fear that I keep protects my fractured heart
Injured, but not quite broken
By a love that didn’t start.
What if
The echoes- ricocheting off
The mountain walls
Were just a voice
Stuck there for infinity
A voice trapped
Into the tangle of forever
Cursed to repeat
Whatever noise that is made
No feelings
No meanings
Just the sound,
Endlessly replaying
Till it stops
Yet never answering
The poetic image is not an echo of the past. On the contrary: through the brilliance of any image, the distant past resounds with echoes.
– Gaston Bachelard
If memories invade souls and minds,
and mirrors reflect perception,
it must follow that whispers
reach into our psyche,
replaying aural
collages that
echo of
distant
past.
Building castles within my own confinement
only to be hit with the harshest of realities
& replaying what it means to be broken, to heal, and relapse
over and over again.
Numbing the weight of so many life choices
Drowning out screams from all different voices.
Lord please me show me your grace.
Seeing myself in the mirror
I'd rather not show my face.
My self esteem crumbled
Self-worth turned to dust
I'm suffering due to a lack of self love
And unwillingness to trust
Feeling as if my body left me unhealed
without my soul intact
Praying I could right the wrongs
that haunt me from my past
afraid of what appears impossible
A daunting peak.. still within my grasp
Have to take that leap of faith
to start me on the path
Dear Lord I pray you break these chains that refuse to set me free
bound from years and years of pain.
Most of which have remained unseen
Let me feel your light my Lord
The warmth shine on my face
I need to feel your selfless love
I need your warm embrace.
The thought of this battle
it heightens all senses of "fight or flight"
I'm writing this in hopes to from now until forever
Guide me into your light.
Just thought of the B-word,
Perhaps it’s tied to the F-word.
Now I feel like the S-word—
They all strike sharp, like a sword.
Cutting both edges, cold and fierce,
Though I remain just a piece.
But my mind pleads for peace,
To understand and release.
B for bad, of what just came,
I hoped for more, maybe fame.
Yet the result spelled more shame,
Replaying like a cursed game.
It’s F, etched on the cover page—
Failing at life, stuck at this age.
Both my career and my wage,
And my end, I cannot gauge.
Sick is how it feels inside,
Falling hard, with love as my guide.
No one warned how much this kills—
Though love once lifted me up hills.
I failed again, lost the test,
To give it my very best.
Perhaps I should have copy-paste,
For now, it’s all a waste.
as the sea serenades
sorrowful symphonies
of marine ruins
I listen to the crashing
crystals within
sun-drenched sapphires
married to
the memories
of once
upon
a castaway prose
blissfully blocked
replaying an
unwritten
reality
for silence is my siren
luring mermaid
moon-flowers
to an island of
spiritual embers
emanating emerald anthems~
a storm
of
slithering sepals....
yet unfair is the tide
hollow and cold
p u l l i n g
at fragile silk
of whimsical waves~
a skewed ambience
lost in mythical sagas
amidst stranded souvenirs
sighing
and weeping
vulnerable verses
forever yours,
never mine...
"An evanescent moment, fleeting, yet forever shall stay
A memory of you held subdued unable to fade away
Replaying in the mind a day long ago
A beautiful picture of you unable to let go"
Just how much courage does it take?
To stick to the plan that I’d made
And why should I be afraid?
To live my own destined fate
When all I could do is hate
All the things that I have said
Can’t I just stay in the bed?
With no sorrows and no regret
But the image of it in my head
Keeps on replaying until the end
Every day when I wake up in the morning
I promise myself that today will be different and I’ll change
So that I’ll be able to finally sleep without my head hurting
From replaying these lucid agonizing moments relentlessly
When all I could do is please, support and trust people
While they are constantly stepping on me to move forward
And I just can’t say no to them, it took me a while to realize
That when you let people take advantage of you, they’ll never stop
I’m always deceived by the typical two-faced people
Prioritizing their feelings and their impression about me
While neglecting myself, feeling bad and the urge to be kinder
But at the end of the day, I’m the one who keeps losing to people who didn’t even try.
In the darkroom of my mind, your photo still develops
A snapshot of you sears my brain
Fighting so hard to let it go
The artist within me cannot fathom
the idea of letting go of a muse so beautiful
I found beauty in a place where it's least seen
I saw it in you, in golden moments unseen
I still seek it in you, though it's hard to find
Replaying memories where your eyes shine warm and kind
But your icy blue eyes freeze me out
For you, I become colder and colder
Through this, I still always pick up the paintbrush
And paint your eyes looking back at me warmly
As threads of pale winter moonlight shine upon rippling puddles,
broken reflections stare back,
setting the scene
in lonesome streets of solitude.
A bitter, harsh wind blows in from the raging river.
Reality sets in
as goosebumps coat barren, gelid flesh,
exposing bluish, translucent veins.
Leaning against icy bricks,
my breath, like smoke, rises into the atmosphere.
Touching it with bare fingers,
I try to grab at the last semblance of warmth that reminds me,
whilst a biting silence overtakes the night.
Your voice still echoes in my mutilated ears,
replaying all my insecurities on repeat.
The darkness within could never be quelled—
this I warned you time and time again.
Save me from the flames, you tried,
but they have been licking at my soul
since I drew my first breath.
In every reincarnation, every lifetime,
I watched as it seeped into your heart,
washing away your light,
replacing hope with shame,
love mangled with hate,
until even the air around us became tainted.
Each touch more toxic than the last,
ripped apart by generational curses
placed upon my forehead at the altar of my birth.
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