Ode to Him

Ruffles of sand that flash before my eyes in every waking moment Oceans of blue that briefly lift and meet mine My plain, brown eyes, that would blend in the mud And my clothes that never lose the scent of pine Versus his hoodies and the gold chain that hangs around his neck Or the glasses that come and go upon his nose, His brain, or the fact he shares a name With the boy who hurt me the most. When I stand surrounded, I look for him Watching the door, hoping to see his hesitant gait And the way he shoves his hands in his pockets Seemingly content to stop, watch, and wait. When the day fades to night, and the crickets cease to chirp It’s him who haunts me when I lie awake in bed Replaying each little interaction And regretting the things that i never said. Every corner of my mind stays aware Of how fragile our tether will be If I allow myself to stare into those oceans of blue A single wave would wash us out to sea. So silent I sit whenever he comes around The fear that I keep protects my fractured heart Injured, but not quite broken By a love that didn’t start.