It’s Christmas day
Hip hip hooray
With festive cheer
And our family here
The feast begins
Amidst all our grins
Crackers pulled, mottos read
Fancy hats upon each head
With turkey eaten
We’ll not be beaten
Enter the flaming pud
Which looks so good
But whence it came?
This pudding of fame
‘Twas a Roman cook
Where first we look
Making pottage of meat and veg
Placing in readiness on a window ledge
By the fourteenth century frumenty it became
Meat with fruit, wine and spices, it was not the same
This soupy dish was a fasting meal
A preparation for Christmas was the deal
With added eggs, breadcrumbs and fruit it changed once more
Plum pudding lasted until banned under Puritan law
The arrival of King George, the ‘Pudding King’
Got the outlawed pud back in the swing
For his royal feast he did declare
Plum pudding would be the dessert fayre
By Victorian days the meat had gone
Enter the Christmas pud known by everyone
Merry Christmas!
Watch your Latin and don't let the cat in
Caesar had some jam for tea,
Pompei aderat.
ille, illa, illud,
but I'll have Yorkshire pud.
amo, amas, amat
Who let in the cat?
hic, haec, hoc
The mouse ran up the clock.
You can add another item
ad infinitum.
Fourteen pounds; that’s a bucket of lard
And losing that shouldn’t be so hard
It’s turkey, pud and let’s not quibble
A pretty frequent midnight nibble
It’s one whole stone of belly fat
Inflating what was firm and flat
Slimline tonic won’t do that
So did I eat an alley cat?
Six-point-three-five Kilograms
Twice what sometimes fills our prams
Were I pregnant, for my sins
Could be that I’m toting twins
But I’ve had lots of Christmases
And I’m sure when I tell you this
Six weeks watching what I eat
Will make my tummy nice and neat
The trifle’s gone, as is the meat
All the savoury, all the sweet
It’s time to watch my waist deflate
With smaller servings on my plate
And so I put away the gin
And tonic with no sugar in
For gin gives me an appetite
That makes me nibble late at night
So, fourteen pounds; that is my goal
A resolution in my soul
But, by the gin, before my eyes
A box - unopened - of mince pies!
Last Christmas Gran sucked her roast beef
Lost dentures were giving her grief
We had Christmas pud
Which should have been good
The ‘Crunch!’ meant I’d found Grandma’s teeth
21 November 2022
Contest: Fun Holiday Limerick
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
Mae was too soft, too easy, and prone to believing every dud.
They would swindle her, steal from her, persuade her to invest.
You need some guardians, her great aunt told her, like Pud.
Pud was a twenty-six year old Tomcat that could survive any test.
Pud also had an instinct about men, and trusted almost none.
Having him around was good, but extra cats would be more fun.
So Mae brought home two more purr-balls, Muffins and Mr. Eyes of Blue.
The four of them were intimidating, and kept her money safe and true.
It’s Christmas day
Hip hip hooray
With festive cheer
And our family here
The feast begins
Amidst all our grins
Crackers pulled, mottos read
Fancy hats upon each head
With turkey eaten
We’ll not be beaten
Enter the flaming pud
Which looks so good
But whence it came?
This pudding of fame
‘Twas a Roman cook
Where first we look
Making pottage of meat and veg
Placing in readiness on a window ledge
By the fourteenth century frumenty it became
Meat with fruit, wine and spices, it was not the same
This soupy dish was a fasting meal
A preparation for Christmas was the deal
With added eggs, breadcrumbs and fruit it changed once more
Plum pudding lasted until banned under Puritan law
The arrival of King George, the ‘Pudding King’
Got the outlawed pud back in the swing
For his royal feast he did declare
Plum pudding would be the dessert fayre
By Victorian days the meat had gone
Enter the Christmas pud known by everyone
Merry Christmas!
~~~
A seasonal frame of mind led to this!
What would life be if till we die
We could not eat a pud or pie
Or could not taste and could not savour
Flaky pastry filled with flavour
The world may as well turn to dust
For tasty food encased in crust
Is all we crave when hunger calls
Some say it be the food of fools
But there's no problem can't be cured
Or no hardship be endured
With pie we have upon our plate
A confidante, a friend a mate.
4th may 2021
It’s factual, I’m not being silly,
A snake’s born with a second willy,
So do sharks in the sea -
It’s not a ‘phallus ee’,
Making love in the sea could be chilly.
10/10/20
New place
Sounds ace
For lunch
Or brunch
Meets Dom
And Tom
Got new
Menu
Reveals
Good deals
Endorse
Three course
Deals viewed
Choose food
Veg soup
Vile gloop
Tastes off
Can’t scoff
I heave
Food leave
Await
Mains plate
Dead fly
On pie
There’s lice
In rice
Burnt fries
No lies!
Screams loud
Draws crowd
Staff look
for cook
He’s drunk
As skunk
My pud
Not good
On pear
Dog hair
Gets bill
Big thrill
It’s free
For me
For friend’s
Full spends
They'll pay
Their way
Won't tip
Get’s gyp
Waiter
Hater!
Return …
we’ll spurn!
09/25/20
A memory of something nice,
At Christmas, we made coconut ice,
And White Christmas squares,
Plum pudding showed the care,
Sixpences planted in the pud,
Gee, those treats tasted good!
Now I just wanted a taco;
Is that too much to ask.
I have the meat and spices, yum.
First I slapped the meat in the pan,
Waited for one side to scorch,
Flipped it over and
Splashed grease all over but then,
Scraped it into crumbles
No one was even looking.
Chopped finely da tamadoes,
And some onion, continued cooking.
Tuk three shells, pud a big spoon in each,
Chomped a big crackle – enjoyed the paper plate.
Spilled salsa down my chin,
Spread grated cheese around the kitchen.
Now that’s a way to end a good day.
I just wanted a taco.
(Forgot the green avacado.)
Brussel Sprout
Are you the mouse
Always hiding in the house
Where no one ever wanted you
To even have a chew
Just as well we don’t all like
As you can go on to fight
With all your small might
To then give us a fright
To those of us that did not choose
To celebrate you
Amongst all the Xmas Poo
Now where is my Christmas Pud
Oh no I just saw where you stood
DAMO
There will always be an England:
roast beef and Yorkshire pud
assure the most fainthearted
that all is for the good.
Is anyone still doubtful?
This thought our hopes restore:
Marmite, baked beans and crumpets
provision us galore.
Coffee at eleven, at five o'clock high tea,
banishing the terrors that met us at the Somme,
kept us and Big Ben ticking
and will to Kingdom Come.
Nelsons' on his column.
Against Juncker's spiteful quips
no naval power can save us,
but we do have fish and chips
Hush, what was that on the roof, Can't be Santa Claus, I can hear as I lay in my bed .
Perhaps he as had to many sherry's and crashed his sled.
Took the Elves months to fix it last time, and Poor old Rudolph was seeing red.
He even broke the sleigh bells and had to have a horn instead .
I open the curtains looking over a winter fairy land.
Frosty the Snowman stood there in this winter wonder land.
The radio playing jingle bells , it's the salvation army band.
Christmas presents opened with toys galore the kids are in dreamland.
And then its Christmas dinner all the trimmings and a pud ,I can hardly stand !
Merry Xmas, Everybody
comp entry 05122016
Rose you were such a wise lady and a wonderful friend
I continued to visit you almost to the bitter end
Other friends abandoned you because you were so frail
But I continued visit and see your cheeks pinched and pale
How I miss our chats, we’d eat biscuits and drink tea
You were such a wonderful friend to me
You gave me a hydrangea, its flowers a pretty blue
So never a day passes when I don’t think of you
If we could meet again for one more day
We’d share the gossip and laugh our cares away
I’ll never forget when you taught me to line dance
Prancing around your lounge to songs of sweet romance
You practiced reiki and spiritual healing
You’d help me with issues that I was concealing
I remember that Christmas party, you dressed as a Christmas pud
You had me in hysterics the costume you made was oh so good
Breast cancer stole you away and bitter tears I cried
For we were away on holiday at the time you died
Your anniversary gift in our garden still grows
I think of you every day my lovely friend Rose
Contest - Just one more day
Sponsored by Laura Loo
12~12~15
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